chibirhm: (Care a hell of a lot for that armor.)

THINGS WE SHOULD FOCUS ON INSTEAD OF MY APPARENT INABILITY TO UPDATE MY LIVEJOURNAL: OOH, COLIN MORGAN. OOOOOOH. I've told you guys about my deep and abiding obsession I have with Colin's profile, right, and how I believe that it is the most perfect profile in the universe, from which all perfect profiles are thus derived? In case I haven't, those are my feelings. OOH COLIN MORGAN. I WOULD FEEL SWOONY AND FAINT AROUND YOU, BUT THAT WOULD MAKE YOU DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

Guys, I wish I had, like, a legitimate and good reason why I can't seem to post a lot lately. I wish I had a secret project or was a secret government agent. I wish I had gotten a new puppy/unicorn/whatever. The truth is I've been busy with really boring stuff. Like yesterday I had a meeting in Harvard Square in the morning and then I napped the afternoon away because I'm not used to having to be conscious in the morning. The day before that, I was busy shoveling two feet of snow. And then there have been a bunch of days where it's like wrote an article! Spent all day making phone calls! I've been posting on tumblr a lot because you don't really have to say anything on tumblr and it's v. v. convenient. Tumblr is also a place where it is not only socially acceptable but encouraged to blather for roughly one paragraph about eighteen times a day and no one is like kasjflkjdsfl STOP SPAMMING ME. So here are some things that, were it socially acceptable on Livejournal to spam you with four-sentence updates, I would have one so, as illustrated by .gifs:

chibirhm: (Thumbs up for America!)
Urgh, the first week back to real life after the holidays, why must you suck so hard and be so boring? I keep meaning to update, I do, but by time I'm finished with my to-do list for the day it's late and I'm tired and I'm like "aw, fuck it". It's been a long week of cleaning this and moving that there and calling that doctor and re-scheduling that appointment and trying to sign up for this class only to realize that's the one night I can't go so attempting to get permission to take this other class blah blah telephone calls blah blah blah. There's no way even I, the master of making ordinary shit sound fake-exciting, can make that fake-exciting.

The most exciting stuff to happen to me are the four following things:

ONE - I have been having cracktacular fandom mashup dreams. I don't remember most of them, I just remember that they were fandom-y. But the one I do remember was last night's, which started with me and JGL somewhere where he was explaining what the shit his now second-to-last tweet meant. (He wrote "THE TREE OF LIFE", allcaps included, which I spent a bunch of time puzzling over. Did he see a trailer and therefore was excited for the upcoming film? Did he get drunk on Manaschevitz and have a reunion with old Hebrew School buddies and they were drunkenly singing that horrible song that's been stuck in my head ever since? (IT IS A TREE OF LIFE TO THEM THAT HOLD FAST TO IT AND ALL OF ITS SUPPORTERS ARE [clap] HAP-PY! Sing with me, fellow Jews. I can't have gone to the only Hebrew School on the planet that inflicted that monstrosity upon their students.) Was he just drunk and putting together random words because he could? I wish I could remember my dream, because I just have so many questions, real!Joe.)

Then somehow I was in this game with BBC!John and Sherlock, and it was like an escape the room game (been playing WAY too many of those) but had the same rules as the dreams in Inception. But we couldn't kill ourselves because it would compromise the investigation. Only I kept ruining that by accident and Sherlock was mad and eventually somehow this brought John and Sherlock together enough to admit their feelings and make out a lot. Which was cute for a few seconds, but then got awkward, so I went to walk around, only to find Ryan Murphy had left me a spray-painted graffiti note saying he'd come across my writing on the internet, loved it, and wanted me to move out to LA and start writing Glee with him. And then I woke up, and Dearest by Buddy Holly was stuck in my head.

Qu'est-ce que le quoi?

There are two types of dreams, in my experience, the ones where your subconscious tells you something meaningful and the ones where it's just throwing all the leftover shit together for the day and hoping you just roll with it. This week I am clearly taking a hefty sample of column B.

TWO - So, Merlin fandom, this is coming out in March:

If I don't see every variety and pairing of Sim getting it on and Sim babies, I'm gonna be disappointed in you, is all I'm saying.

THREE - Two nights ago I stayed up until 5 AM attempting to explain American politics to [ profile] alexi_lupin and [ profile] mcgooglykins, which, as always, just boils down to me explaining the whole American dream/bootstraps phenomenon. And when I explain that, I have never met a non-American who didn't go that is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Because it is. And it sort of made me like, aw, America, why are you such a shitty country? Why do I still love you more than anything?

But then I was browsing the Best of Wikipedia archives to see if I came across anything cool, and I found the perfect example of why America is my favorite. It's because we have a Supreme Court case dedicated entirely to arguing if tomatoes legally count as a fruit or vegetable.

Is there any other country in the universe that would be that wholly ridiculous? No! (Well, by common law in Europe, apparently a carrot is considered a fruit? I am unclear on why, but wikipedia tells me it is for "jam classification purposes". Which is kind of a delightful explanation.) Only in America would we fight the Supreme Court for the right to declare tomatoes a vegetable because that's how they're used, and besides, it would get us out of that pesky tariff.


FOUR - for no reason I can discern, my bosses bought and sent me S2 of Merlin. Was it for my birthday? An addition to my Christmas bonus? They neither said when I asked nor left a note/return address with a name in it, which worried me because I forgot what town they live in an was like OH MY GOD WHO IS THIS THAT KNOWS WHERE I LIVE, IS THIS DVD TRAPPED?!?!? Thank Jesus for reverse address check-up, or I'd have been full-on Admiral Ackbar-ing it for way, way longer. Also, thank God for the best bosses ever. Seriously, the entire disc set? AW YOU GUYS. THIS MAKES UP FOR MY LACK OF SALARY.

So yeah, homes. Crazy week! Because that's how I roll.
chibirhm: (She's like so whatever.)
Happy New Year's everyone! I'm not fond of New Year's because I think it's a generally dumb holiday (it's been a year since that arbitrarily chosen day we celebrated last year! Hurrah!), but I have made the resolution to stop being so damn lazy at night and actually brush my fucking teeth every night, which half the time I don't do because my teeth "don't feel dirty" and I'm a disgusting slob. It's gross. It's so gross. I need to get on that. Though I failed with the one night I had to start, because I closed my eyes for two seconds waiting for a download to finish and next thing I know my mom's come down at 5 AM to turn off the light in the living room because I fell asleep (in a really uncomfortable position). So yeah, teeth brushing did not happen so much. I have asked my various animals their new year's resolutions as well. Charlie vows to chew ALL the cardboard, Gus wants to become a big boy and explore brand new couches that he has yet to poop on, and Ella wants her belly rubbed for at least three hours a day. I think that they'll probably all be relatively successful, too.

I've also been watching How I Met Your Mother with Evan (twin brother, for you newbies), who's home from college, and really, really wanted to marathon it. So obvs, I am pimping the show out like whoa, because at least once a day I make a verbal How I Met Your Mother reference and everyone in my family stares at me weird. Mostly it's great, except for the fact that Evan is romantically retarded. Like, I love him, but he really, really is. (Which is why I always use him as an argument for Bradley/Colin, because if even he looks at two dudes and thinks they're fucking/want to be, he's usually right.) I could bore you with lots of examples but I will just settle on this: we're almost done with Season 1 and Evan still thinks that Ted and Robin are The Most Perfect For Each Other Couple Ever. (And yes, he still thought that after seeing Zip Zip Zip. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN'S BRAIN.)

My reaction was roughly as follows:

I never re-watch any episodes past Mary the Paralegal because it's all Ted and Robin getting together (yuck) and Marshall and Lily temporarily breaking up (MY HEART IS BROKEN) it's just like why would I ever do that to myself? And I can just tell he's going to be cheering and beaming. WHILE MARSHALL AND LILY BREAK UP. E TU, BRUTE?

Also, I am concerned for that boy's romantic future.

And in conclusion, link dump! The... whatever it's called, that row where you can drag links for quick reference, is getting crowded, and it's entirely filled with links that are in regards to Men I Find Ridiculously Endearing And Delightful. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS THE FOLLOWING:
  • It sounds really lame, but honestly, if you have ever been a fan of Monsieur Cumberbatch, you should listen to him "sing" Candle in the Wind. OH CUMBERSNATCH, MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE THE OCEAN.
  • I'm starting to be seriously concerned that there's some sort of computer chip implanted in Joseph Gordon-Levitt's brain that compels him to be overwhelmingly, ridiculously endearing at exactly the right intervals such that I will become incapable of escaping from the growing chasm-like crush I have on him. This morning such an event occurred when he recommended this fabulous article by Oliver Sacks on how your brain never stops growing so you should never stop learning. I am honestly stumped by what I find the most appealing about this; the fact that he reads the New York Times op-eds, the fact that he reads and knows who OLIVER SACKS is (aka: the coolest/only scientist I legit care about), or the fact that he's all fangirly over lifetime education. EITHER WAY IT IS MIGHTY HARD TO TYPE 'ROUND THEM HEARTS IN MY EYES.
  • Speaking of endearing menfolk, everyone who failed to tell me about this Alex O'Loughlin interview is fired from life.

  • Hey everyone! Let's all go objectify sulky bb Scott Caan! Okay!
  • I would attempt to explain the glory of the following quote by Tom Hardy, in which he describes his strangest dream, but I cannot do it justice, so let's just all read it together:
    "I'm on stage at a Star Trek convention, and I'm wearing my Shinzon makeup and costume from Star Trek: Nemesis. Sitting next to me are Leo DiCaprio dressed as Captain Kirk, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Mr. Spock, Cillian Murphy as McCoy and Ellen Page as Uhura, and we’re all answering audience member questions about Inception. Suddenly, a Klingon in the audience stands up and shoots Leo in the chest, and the whole room erupts into chaos. Ellen shouts for Cillian to do something, but he tells her that he's an actor, not a doctor, so she looks at me and begs me to help, and I look at Leo and he's clearly dying, so I say I'll do what I can. I grab a ball-point pen and a microphone cord and I'm about to perform surgery when I realize I have no idea what I’m doing. Luckily, that's when I wake up."

    Alright, if you're not attracted to Tom Hardy, that's fine. I'm not attracted to him in an "I would tap that" way so much as a "I want to draw you and stare at your face FOREVER because it's sort of aesthetically fascinating". I get it! But if you don't find him ridiculously endearing after reading that, I despair for you slightly. His brain is a magnificent place.
  • HAPPY (BELATED) TWETNY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY, COLIN MORGAN, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD. I was discussing Colin's birthday/the inevitable drunken voicemails he probably gets, including the one from Bradley, with [ profile] myfoolisheart, and I was sort of amusing myself by writing them when I realized that it is shockingly easy for me to write Bradley James drunk. I attribute this on the fact that he already has almost no brain-to-mouth filter while sober.

chibirhm: (What would you do if I sang out a tune?)
A few quick things!

ONE: My laptop's fan is misaligned again and keeps hitting something and sparking, unless I keep it on a totally flat surface and do not move it. Which happened around this time last year, too. I could send it in to Lenovo to get it fixed, but the last time I did that it took them nearly two weeks to do, which is totally unacceptable. I can't live without my laptop for two weeks! And the thing is, you can track your comptuer's progress online, it took them a day to fix it, most of those two weeks were "processing and shipping". Well fuck that shit. I could drive to the hardware-fixing headquarters in Indiana, watch them fix my baby, and get it back sooner if I did the shipping myself, by carrying it on my person. Does anyone know of a place that would do hardware fixes I could just drive it to and get it back at the end of the afternoon? Like, a chain? Or somewhere in the Boston area? This is the one area I will concede Macs are superior. They drive me crazy and I hate everything about them, but damn if that genius bar in every mall isn't convenient and efficient.

TWO: Last night we had leftover lentil soup so I left some lentils for Gus, but when I looked in the cage a little later, Charlie was eating one! HURRAH, CHARLIE. YOU'RE SUCH A BRAVE GERBIL.

THREE: Everyone who didn't link me to the Ooh Commander McGarrett comic is fired from life. I will never tire of fandom adaptations of this comic. Never!

FOUR: So, this year's United States of Pop mashup came out:

For those of you who missed the extreme privilege of this last year, this is basically a guy who takes the top 25 pop hits of the year (as determined by Billboard) and mashes them all together into one SUPER SONG.

Now, the thing is, I'm a dork. I can't just listen to this song, I have to start thinking about it. And I was thinking, these things are actually a kind of interesting from an intellectual point of view. I mean if you think about why people listen to music, it's not just because it's catchy, it often has to do with it having some sort of deeper meaning for them. I don't think it's exactly a disputed fact that the arts are reflective of the state of the society it comes from. So what if I compared it to last year's? Because there are definite trends that changed visually in the music videos, and in the lyrics, and in the whole damn tone of the thing. It's like a mini-zeitgeist! It could be so cool!

On the other hand, it's really super pretentious. It is like I am purposefully peeing on the mindless pop parade. I was asking [ profile] puckling about it and she was like "you used the word 'zeitgeist'. If you need to use the word 'zeitgeist' to explain your concept, it's pretentious."

But... I kind of want to be pretentious! I don't know, is this interesting to anyone else but me? PLEASE ANSWER THIS POLL AND TELL ME.

[Poll #1662070]

FIVE: I entirely blame [ profile] cherrybina for this, but I am obsessed with Google Analytics. I installed it on this LJ and it's kind of the greatest thing ever. I'm fond of the fact that aside from searching for my username, people find me most often by googling "bradley and colin in love". Which I did, and I'm the second result. With a lot of sub-results. NOT GOING TO LIE, THIS IS KIND OF AWESOME.

But I think my favorite part of doodling around with Google Analytics is the map overlay. I have people visit this site from so many cool places. Now I know where a lot of my LJ friends are from, so I can look at a dot and be like "okay, that's so and so", but some of the places are really surprising. Like, did you know I'm popular in Glasgow? I've gotten sixteen hits from Glasgow. Glasgow! Who the frack is in Glasgow? Apparently someone(s) who thinks I'm awesome, that's who. Another place I'm randomly popular is in Tampere, Finland. At first I thought that must have been [ profile] whisperwords from when she went to visit her family there, but no, it was after she got back that someone there started visiting my site once a day. Do you see what I mean by cool? SO COOL. Though I think the coolest is that I have two people who have returned and so clearly they're reading, who are from Calcutta, India. India! THIS IS SO INDESCRIBABLY BOSS.

My only problem with Google Analytics is that I don't know how to filter out my own IP. Is there a way to do that? Because between answering comments and reading my friendslist, I am skewing the data like crazy. I am a quarter of my own hits, for serious. Which makes sense, but I don't care about how much time I spend at my own journal (answer: TOO MUCH, CLEARLY). HELP, SAVVY PEOPLE?
chibirhm: (Donde esta la biblioteca?)
  • I cannot stop listening to this song lately, for some reason:

  • I just realized it's been like a week and not only have I not told you anything about my new gerbils, I haven't told you what I ended up naming them (with your help). THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE:

    The big fellow eventually got named Charlie, but more often than not, he goes by his grab-bag of nicknames (Charliebears, Chaz, Chazmataz, Chuck, Chuckles, Senor Chuckles, Mr. Big Fuzz, etc). He's still quite nervous and not much into being held, and he's very protective of his little brother. He always sleeps on top of him and if the little fellow ever leaves the cage, he'll pin him down the second he gets back and wash him like a mama cat while he squeaks in protest, like "STOP COMPLAINING, I KNOW WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE YOU GET INTO". Often he will glare at me accusingly, as if to say "AND YOU! YOU ARE ENCOURAGING THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR."

    The little fellow now goes by Gus (or, more often, Gusgus), and is a little flirty mcflirtface. Also, still a douchey little brother who is constantly tugging at Charlie's back paws like ME ME ME PAY ATTENTION TO ME PLAY WITH MEEEEEE or stealing food directly from his mouth or trying to get Charlie to give him a piggyback ride. (It's not humping, he is literally going for a piggyback ride. What is this gerb I don't even.) Altogether they are lovely little gentlegerbs and we are all getting along quite well. I just wish they enjoyed attention more, but we'll get there. None of my other gerbils did at first and it only took them a few months before they' squeal in the corners going LOVE ME LOVE ME SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME.

  • So I just received an utterly hilarious reply to my final Merlin review at work which was all poorly spelled and full of lol-speak and ended with "stop with the gay thing!!!"

    ...I'm sorry, do you know what show you're watching? I've nosed around other sites of similar calliber and they all allude to the gay thing, but none of them ever mention it as explicitly as I do, and I'm pretty sure that's because it's "not professional". I mean, I've talked to the people who write stuff for, say Hawaii 5-0 and while in private they'll be all OMG GAYEST EVER once it comes to their article they sort of politely gloss over it as a "nice friendly bromantic moment".

    I don't think I'll ever get why it's "unprofessional" to be like "GUESS WHAT, EVERYONE, THIS IS GAY. WHEN TWO DUDES ARE LIKE ABOUT TO KISS, THAT'S GAY". It's like... when people encounter it, they seem to sort of treat it the way they would treat someone with boils that ooze puss all over their face, like, oh my god, it's rude to mention that, quick,let's talk about how they have really nice eyes and a stellar personality! I have no problem discussing the nice eyes and stellar personality, it's just my personal belief that if there are GIANT PUS-OOZING BOILS on someone's face, it should be pointed out. Especially when they aren't something horrible like boils at all! They are something very nice! Like boys who love each other!

    But seriously. I will stop with the whole "gay thing" when there are no longer moments that look like this:

    or this:


  • You know what I've stopped looking at and don't miss? The Mean Meme. It was starting to be so pointlessly irritating to me I just stopped going, and this weekend I was bored and thought "huh, I wonder what they thought of my vitriolic Julian letter" so I went and... oh my god. You guys, I stated explicitly that I was not going to send it in like the third line down from the top and the entire thread was like a really bitchy Emily Post guide like OMG WHY IS SHE SENDING THIS LETTER TO JULIAN MURPHY.

    So I am really glad I went back one more time. It was cathartic. (Well, it was cathartic once I stopped laughing.) Because it was at that moment I realized something - they can't read. And if they're too dumb to read, than their opinions don't count. Ever. And it was like all my angst evaporated and I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

    So goodbye, meme. I won't miss you even in the slightest.

    That being said, I'm not British, so I'm not sure how effective this would be, but do you think it would be helpful to do a sort of... positive re-enforcement letter send in? Like, as a group? Because I think we can all agree that the finale wasn't perfect as far as fixing all our S3 Arthur/Merlin woes, but it was like, glory hallelujah, they're actually friends again. If a lot of fandom got together and sent in letters that said, effectively, "I was really sad about the Arthur/Merlin friendship in S3, but thank you so much for the finale, it made me feel so much better, please do more of that", would it help? I mean, ego-stroking tends to be an effective method of getting someone on your side, I've found.

  • I'm not, like, upset about tumblr, but I do find myself vaguely concerned about the length of time its been down. The first few hours it was cute, like, awww, your server's overheated, hasn't it? Now it's been long enough that I'm sitting here going OMG IS THIS THE WORK OF ANTI-HIPSTER CYBERTERRORISTS!?!? I'm just about Tim Gunn levels of concerned, is my point.

  • So we're getting one side of our house re-shingled, and it happens to be one of the sides that my bedroom window is facing. And you know what's creepy-weird and irritating? Waking up to BANG BANG BANGITYBANG BANG BANG BANGITY every morning (I don't know how I sleep through most of it, honestly) and also THE FACE/BODY OF A CONSTRUCTION WORKER DUDE. (Sadly not of the hot fanfic variety. Sigh!) Now, these guys are super-professional and never once have glanced inside my room, but the fact that their turned away faces are RIGHT THERE creeps me out. I have taken to zooming out of my bed so fast it's like it's on fire and when I have to go out, changing either under my covers or crouched in the bathroom.

    I will be so glad when this is over.

  • So my sister's boyfriend spent his first Hannukah with us on Saturday and he got us all presents because he has what my sister refers to as "a gift-giving problem" (and we both agree that, as problems go, this isn't a bad one to have). Now I knew he'd get my parents gifts because he's very polite and proper like that, but I wasn't expecting he'd get me a gift. But you know what he got me?


    Guys, he doesn't read my livejournal. He doesn't even know I have a livejournal. We've had one conversation on Art Nouveau but that was more on Klimt and if he counted or not. And he got me an Alphonse Mucha calender.

    My first reaction was to wait until he had left and then inform my sister that if she didn't marry him I'd be severely disappointed in her, and then my second reaction was OMG NOW I HAVE TO GET HIM SOMETHING, because I have a bit of a gift-giving problem as well. I know back when I first met him around August I thought up a Christmas present and then dismissed it because, like I said, he's very proper and polite and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and like he should have given me something when I thought there was no way he would. And I can't remember what that idea was! Any ideas for the most thoughtful, creepily insightful brother-in-dating-law that's about $10 or under?

  • Dear Future Husband Joseph Gordon-Levitt,

    There are times when you post pictures like this on your tumblr:

    And we need to have a talk. Because, you see, you need to stop doing that. Let's face it, you are not actually my future husband, you are way too hot to be my future husband. But when you post pictures of you with your dad making funny adorable faces in those glasses that you know give me feelings, it's really unfair. And causes me to make inhuman high-pitched embarrassing noises.

    Please, I know I've requested this of you before, but if you could stop being so fucking adorable and falsely accessible, that would be nice. Just, like, get caught with a transvestite prostitute. It didn't hurt Hugh Grant's career! And it would make me feel so much better about my life to know that there aren't creepily perfect people out there. RIGHT NOW YOU ARE A LITTLE TOO CREEPILY PERFECT.


chibirhm: (Once and Future King)
(Okay, so I posted a shorter version of this on tumblr and was telling [ profile] ella_bane I was surprised about how much it was getting re-blogged, and she was like "oh, put it on LJ!" And I was like "really?" And she was like "YES AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL DO MEAN THINGS TO YOU" and then made threatening motions so fine, here is the expanded LJ version of a letter I would like to send to Julian Murphy, or scream at him until I broke his brain. Alas, alack.)

Dear Julian Murphy,

So you have just given an interview looking back on Season 3 of Merlin, and in it, you are a giant flaming bag of douche. You've actually made me angry. Are you aware of how hard it is to make really and truly angry? Like, not just kind of irritated? Because when you say that "character growth" for female characters only happens if they get a romantic interest or turn evil, and that despite the actress' repeated pleas to play stronger roles, you have ignored them, citing that it's not "period appropriate" when you have never given two flying fucks about even the most rudimentary historical accuracy before, congrats! You've done it. You are officially a jackass.

And don't even get me started on your dismissal of Merlin/Arthur fans. You do realize that they make up a giant portion of your fanbase, and are a disproportionately large percentage the ones that make you money by buying your merchandise and going to your events? But apparently, you think it's a good idea to do just that. In an interview where you also compare the Merlin/Arthur relationship to both Butch/Sundance and Lois/Clark. Because there's nothing romantic about those relationships! And you're right, it's okay to have a prominent plot point in your "family show" be genocide in which you explicitly discuss the drowning of children, but making the main characters gay would be taking it a step too far and furthermore, it would be just so upsetting! Thank you for mansplaining it to me! I guess my tiny lady brain was all confused since I'm not in a relationship or plotting evil.

You know, for a long time, I was very defensive of you, simply because that's who I am. I am an easy forgiver. I am a benefit-of-the-doubt-er. So when there were all these conspiracy theories about the writers being purposefully sexist and homophobic I was like "... really?" Honestly, I did not believe that was possible in this day and age. Surely there could not be a secret cabal of menfolk sitting in a room willfully being that offensive. And I can forgive ignorance. I might not be happy about it, but if you don't know to examine your actions from a certain point of view, you don't know. Whats the point in getting mad over that? How are you supposed to do something you didn't know you were supposed to do? But you made it explicit in this interview that you know. You know exactly what you're doing. And furthermore, you are doing it on purpose because you think it is the right thing to do. And that is inexcusable. That is completely unforgivable.

If you were some sort of transcendent visionary, maybe you could get off on belittling your fans for ~not understanding you creative vision~. But you know what? You're not. You're not even good. If you think the fans watch for the "quality writing" on Merlin, you are insanely deluded. We watch in spite of that. We watch, for the most part, because it's pretty, and because the cast is really, really, really good. Like, way too good for you. Honestly, if you hadn't cast the people you cast, your show would have gone up like the Hindenburg. For fuck's sake, I can write better than you, and I'm not paid to do this shit. You are. And more than ever, I'm convinced that anything that goes right on this show is somehow a happy coincidence. Either that, or it is due to the dedicated effort of a small rebel force, and you are the Death Star, and I am really hoping one of these days they figure out how to jam up your goddamned trash compactor.

There's this delusion many writers seem to have, and it shows up especially in showrunners, that a show belongs to them, or that they understand their show better than anyone because they wrote it. I fucking hate that attitude. That attitude is my number one pet peeve not only in television, but on the top ten of "shit that pisses me off more than anything else, of all time". The first thing any person who is creative learns is that their work stops being theirs the second it is shared. The entire point of creative work is the way it can be re-interpreted and the meaning of it changes for every new fresh set of eyes that looks at it. To say yours is the "better" or "right" version is abso-fucking-loutely ludicrous, and beyond that, it's arrogant. It's like saying that you know ultimate philosophical answers to life's great questions and other people don't. You should never, ever, ever belittle an audience interpretation of your creative work. You may dislike it. Hell, you may hate it. It may hurt you because that work is your baby. I know that feeling. But like all babies, your work has grown up and left you. You can't do anything about it. Deal with it. And more than that, realize that if there's a mass consensus on your work, it is not because you are right in the face of a million people who are wrong, or that there is something fundamentally wrong with those people. It's that you you didn't see something and they did. That should be the whole reason you share your creativity in the first place. And if you can't deal with that, there's a simple solution - don't share. Get over yourself. End of story.

So, I guess the upshot of this little note is this; fuck you. Hard. Wait, let me make this clearer.

No. Just... no.

Me, potentially co-signed by 90% of Merlin fandom, or at least over 25 people on Tumblr.
chibirhm: (Care a hell of a lot for that armor.)
Dear Mean Meme,

You are reaching dangerous levels of Not Cool, Man. First, you discussed something my friend said in flock out of flock, which is just... wow. And that's not even the first time you've done that! Even if these people weren't my friends, douche move. And now, you are acting totally drunk off the power of "revealing" that Georgia and Bradley are dating. Really, Mean Meme? I will admit that yes, I initially freaked out. However, you forget, I think, that people are capable of going back to check facts. Remember how that rumor came out initially and it was ridiculed BEFORE the pictures showed up? Remember why? Because there were tweets saying Bradley was in LA at the fucking time the picture was supposed to be taken, and you know who I'm going to believe? Someone on Twitter. Who actually puts their name on the stuff they write. As opposed to an obscure anon fandom cesspool. So unless Bradley has somehow managed to break the space-time continuum, that picture proves nothing other than Bradley and Georgia were seen in public together, and that the source is a liar. Wooo! Shocking!

Meme, you are part of my life in the same way the weather forecast is part of my life. I watch you because I feel it more prudent to see what's coming than to stick my head in the sand. It is time that you took a good, hard look at yourself and realized that, much like the weather forecast, you are wrong, like, 90% of the time.


And now, for something much more exciting, TIME FOR MERLIN THOUGHTS.


Edit: Somewhere, there is a fourteen year old version of me having a joy seizure over this.

Edit 2: I ran out of my ADD meds and was totally spaced out, so instead of taking me a few hours, this recap took me the entire ding-dong day. I also took, like, five accidental naps today. CURSE YOU ARTIFICIALLY CREATED ENERGY I HAVE GROWN USED TO. During that time Hawaii 5-0 was on and WHAT THE WHAT IS THIS SHOW. Okay, to recap, Within the first ten minutes Steve first looks like rough trade by wearing a nearly see-through wifebeater, then he strips and shamelessly objectifies himself (while they cut to Danny VERY CLEARLY OGLING HIM AHAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS) while Kono (who isn't exactly bad-looking) demurely puts on a diving vest to cover up her bikini in the background. And then! After that! Danny calls Steve "babe". As in, he literally turns to Steve and says "There are cleaning people for that, babe" in front of another team member. Between this and all the rampant positive portrayal of minorities, I am now 99% sure this show is all a figment of my imagination. It actually exists in a magical world of rainbows and unicorns and I am thinking about what I want to see and subconsciously projecting it onto my television. I expect Danny and Steve to be making out by the season finale, show.

Also, what is the proper protocol when one is writing a fic that gets disproved by canon? Because I was writing a Steve makes terrible excuses to crash on Danny's couch which leads to sex fic, but now we know Steve's staying in his bullet-riddled house. Honestly, it's Steve, so I should have suspected that, but I stupidly figure that, like most cop shows, Hawaii 5-0 would forget that episodes don't happen in a vacuum. TELL ME WHAT TO DO, OH FRIENDSLIST.
chibirhm: (Je ne comprends pas - je suis anglais)
Okay, so I have been warning you guys for a while that I am, uh, how do you say, a giant pretentious douchebag. I am like the most earnest of earnest hipsters. My honest love of things like Wes Anderson movies, indie music, and Chuck Taylors are only made more ironic by the fact that I also love Lady Gaga. My lack of effort put into being a hipster only intensifies my hipsterness! This is a fact I am forced to accept about myself.

So, Alex O'Loughlin, right? He's in Hawaii 5-0 and he's cute, but he isn't like, here are my panties, they are soaking with a combination of water I used to put out the fire you lit in them as well as my lady juices. And I was very comfortable with this fact until I saw this picture:

What is this I don't even. )

I'm not sure if this makes my life dream of marrying Joseph Gordon-Levitt more feasible because oh my god, wouldn't we be so adorably pretentious together, or if perhaps it should be prevented because can you imagine our children? The poor bastards wouldn't have a chance. They'd come out of the womb wearing vintage t-shirts and quoting Kerouac.

You may begin your mockery, now.
chibirhm: (Time for the reckoning.)
Do you ever get in one of those moods where you wake up and you're all GRR ARG DO ALL THE THINGS and then you do, except your brain is still hopping on crazy adrenaline like WHAT ELSE WHAT ELSE WHAT ELSE?!?! WE NEED TO DO ALL THE THINGS!!!! Because that is my brain today, and by god, its annoying. Like, chill, self, I responded to three e-mails, renewed my prescription, made two doctor's appointments, helped my mom clean the bathroom, and posted an article for work. All I need to do is watch Modern Family and Cougar Town (not exactly strenuous) and do the dishes.

Welcome to my brain. 95% of the time it's a lazy bastard, but that 5% of the time where it's not, it's a total bitch.

In more exciting news, I'm writing again! As in, fic, and not for work! Hooray! Though it will probably disappoint most of you to know that it's Hawaii 5-0 fic. Look, I'm sorry, dudes, but I haven't been able to write since Big Bang. Like, I think my brain was suffering from writing PTSD. Because LJ entries and blog posts were totally fine, but the second I opened a google doc or any form of word processor, my brain would shut down completely. And so then I thought, maybe I am burnt out on the fic for this fandom, if not the squee. So after regular Merlin I tried Merlin RPS. Nothing. Inception/Merlin crossover AU? Nothing. Inception? Nothing. Sherlock? Nothing. So at this point, I'd be excited to write fucking Smurf fanfiction, I don't even give a fuck. Also, these are the guys I'm writing about:

Okay, that is not fan-made video, that is official promotional material. I'm pretty sure when life hands you that kind of gay on a silver platter it is your prerogative - nay, your duty - to write crazy fanfiction all up in this bitch. Right now I'm not sure of the quality of my writing - it feels sort of chopped-up and lumpy. It's a lot of really great dialogue with not a lot of anything else. As in, like, descriptors. Or an actual plot. But the dialogue is so super snappy, you guys.

Also, I'm fighting really hard with myself to not name this story "How Danny Williams Got Lei'd" because 1. that's the most horrible, overused pun in the history of time and 2. That's totally not what the story is even about, but how has no one in the Hawaii 5-0 fandom used that joke yet? I'm not sure who I'm more ashamed of, myself, or everyone else.

ANYWAY, I'm boring, you don't care, here are three links for you to peruse:

I'm normally not that much of a fan of Hyperbole and a Half. Like, it's fun, but I don't see the big deal - maybe because it was so over-hyped to me. But I still follow it because, well, fun. ANYWAY, pretty much all of her entries are meh and cute, but yesterday she wrote an entry about how her dogs reacted to her moving that almost made me pee my pants laughing so hard. Like, I was crying. Seriously. I was reading this entry last night while my parents and sister were having a Serious and Upsetting Grown-Up Conversation (About Serious and Upsetting Things) in the kitchen, and I was half-listening because I wanted to know what was going on but didn't want to actually get involved. And I knew I couldn't laugh to hard out loud because, well, the mood of the house was very solemn, but OH MY GOD THIS ARTICLE. So I ended up sitting there making these choking sobby noises, and eventually my mom was like "...Julia, are you okay? Are you.... crying?!?!" and I was like "NO!" except I sort of sounded like I was crying because I couldn't really speak. Also, I Was crying, it was just from laughter.

I don't know what it is about when she writes about her dogs, but I want her to write about them ALL THE TIME because when she wrote about the canine intelligence test? Also completely lost it. I'm not sure why I find this so funny. Maybe it has to do with having worked in a dog daycare so I can look at that ridiculous behavior and go "OH MY GOD IT'S SO TRUE AHAHHHAHAHAH DOGS". WHAT RIDICULOUS ANIMALS.

Not for the faint of heart, but there are new stills of Colin in Parked and OH MY GOD, COLIN MORGAN. YOU ARE SO STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTBREAKING. HOW DO YOU MAKE ME CRY IN THE AWESOMEST POSSIBLE WAY?!!?!?

Because I think Bradley James secretly has a psychic connection to my brain, this is the (very late) quest:


EDIT: OH GREAT FRIENDSLIST, does anyone know how to code? I want to change my LJ layout very slightly - tweak it so it has a background image, widen the area the entries are in, change the colors, that sort of thing - but don't know enough about CSS to do so. If you can do so, please let me know, and I'll make out with you. A lot.
chibirhm: (Once and Future King)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MONSIEUR BRADLEY JAMES. You are a generally delightful human being and I am exceedingly pleased that your parents decided to have sex, and that the result of that combined in such a lovely expression of DNA. I also hope you are celebrating by having a lot of spectacular sex with your boyfriend, and then as a birthday present to the internet/my pants, you decide to release pictures or youtube videos or something.

AHEM. ANYWAY. Today is boring. I'm attempting to get my reading for class done, but it's St. Thomas Aquinas and MY GOD HE IS THE MOST BORING MAN ALIVE. JFC. I'm 99% sure he became a priest not because he felt some divine calling, but rather because he could not get laid. Like, if Thomas Aquinas was trying to pick you up, he'd do it in the following manner:


We proceed thus to the first article:-

Objection 1: It would seem that as I am an attractive, slightly inebriated individual, you, too, are an attractive, slightly inebriated individual. As copulation is most commonly achieved when two individuals are slightly inebriated and mutually attractive, it seems most logical that such an event would occur between us.

Objection 2: It is scientifically noted that when a male sees a person to which he is attracted, the flow of blood in his body switches to a downward circulation. Upon considering our joining sexually, my blood responded thus.

Objection 3: It is noted that regular sexual release is healthy for a human adult, thus by choosing to achieve this end, we are assuring our good health.

On the contrary: You are a human and possessing of free will, and should your body to respond in a corresponding manner to mine, it is most unethical to attempt sexual intercourse with an unwilling party.

I answer that, as you have not thrown your drink in my face, you may perhaps be interested in my suit, and I have stipulated why I am interested in you. Barring your refusal, copulation should proceed posthaste.

Reply to Objection 1: Your refusal indicates that while you may be slightly inebriated, it is not enough to find me attractive if, indeed, you ever found me attractive at all.

Reply to Objection 2: Though a male may experience a fire in his loins at the sight of an attractive individual, it is possible to quench such a fire by participating in a mental exercise of imagining something unpleasant, or perhaps by satisfying the urge of his own actions.

Reply to Objection 3: Should a male achieve release upon his own person, the presence of another is therefore nullified.


Things I do give a shit about, though! MERLIN. MERLIN THIS WEEK OH MY FUCK.

chibirhm: (Redheads do it best.)
Good News!: There was a guy who looked like a slightly smaller-lipped Tom Hardy on the T on my way home from class.
Bad News!: He was a total jackass super-blonde prepster who littered and was using the bars you hold on to during rush hour as monkey bars. Why did you have to be a tool, Not-Tom-Hardy? You had all that potential, and you wasted it. Or maybe you were just wasted.


Anyway! People asked for pictures, so! Pictures! I may or may not have spent the entire time I was resizing and posting these with this as my soundtrack.

What do you mean, it's not cool to have this in your top five movies of all time? It's kind of the greatest ever.

Home, gerbil, and mostly my clothes. )

Edit: I make no bones about the fact that, as utterly stupid as I think it is, I read mean_merlin. I've found I like to be abreast (that word will never not make me giggle because I'm twelve) of what direction the crazy is taken, especially since they decided I was Kind Of A Big Deal. (This still cracks me up. Only on the internet would I ever be "a big deal". I have many leatherbound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany!) Anyway, every night, a few hours before I go to bed (enough time for crazy to happen, not too close to bedtime that if something makes me irritated I'll be up half the night huffing over it) I read what the cool haps are in Crazyville, and then I sigh over the educational system, and then I feel the need to send everyone Emily Post books. Me. Feeling that need. Me. The girl who says "nice one" after someone farts and then rates it out of ten like it's an Olympic event. Oh, internet. I love you, but you crazy.

Anyhoo, I went today and what should I find but a nice super-long discussion on the mean meme about my sex life. Now, granted, 50% of it was a) about STDs and b) so laughable I had to stuff my knuckles in my mouth not to wake people while I read it. But still, you dislike me! You really dislike me! (And thank you, anon, I agree, Colin and I would make an adorable couple. We could have socially awkward, reclusive babies with giant blue eyes who prefer books to people. It'd be great. If only I could shake that nagging feeling he was gay. Also, the Atlantic Ocean would have to dry up, but these are only minor details in the course of true love, of course.)

Now, I've learned my lesson and I never respond directly to stuff on the mean meme unless it in some way, I feel, will effect my job or is toeing the line of harassment, so I know better than to answer questions there and in great detail, in spite of my nagging urge to do so. Instead, I will say this, and this is my final word on the state of my vagina. Because, apparently, this is worth like (at least) forty odd comments and wasting a night discussing, and while I have no delusions that me actually stating the facts of the matter will do anything, let's pretend it will. It'll at least make me feel better about the whole thing.

Hello, members of the mean meme. What's up? My name is Julia, I'm almost 22, and I'm a virgin. I don't particularly care about other people's states of virginity, and I fully encourage people to have sex as much and as often as they want, so long as I am not forced to watch it. Yes, I have had people who have expressed interest in going out with/having sex with me, but generally they were either complete jackholes, not familiar with the concept of personal hygiene, guys who liked to harass me into incoherent anger as a form of flirtation (which, shockingly, I don't find turns me on), or glue sniffers. My most ardent paramour in high school was a combination of all of the above. He was special. Considering this, I feel my personal decision to preserve the state of my hymen to be a generally wise one. Thank you for your time and interest in my lady bits. Have a nice day.

P.S. As for the sub-thread on if I masturbate or not - ew. Guys, I'm aware you specialize in no boundaries, and I specialize in no boundaries, but I'm calling boundaries on this one. Whether I do or do not do the do on my doo-dad is nobody's business. In fact, it's skeevy.

I repeat, ew.
chibirhm: (JGL is my future husband)
Happy Sunday morning, everyone! Were you using that spot next to you? No? Good, because here is my brain, and I'm going to dump it RIIIIIGHT there.


So I totally hated Ellie Goulding based on Starry-Eyed and was like WHATEVER, but then I heard this song in some fanvid that honesty I don't even remember anymore:

J'ADORE. It's such a perfect Arthur/Eames song (or really any ship in Inception, let's not lie) and goes with a fic idea I've been wanting to write for them, but I'm sort of flailing on how to even start, because like all my ideas it's all ~epic relationship exploration~ instead of just a nice, 5K bit of fluff or porn like everyone probably would prefer. Also, I have this random idea that I also want to have a companion piece from Yusuf's point of view, which would require a LOT of research because my knowledge of chemistry/Kenya/Yusuf's ethnicity (he's Muslim, I think? I think someone referred to him as "Desi"? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, GUYS. I mean, I know there are Muslims in that part of Africa because of trade and I paid attention in ninth grade history, but therein ends my knowledge) is pretty nil. Also I really want to finish that Merlin/Inception mashup I started for [ profile] cherrybina's necking meme ages ago, only it seems it's going to have zero necking in it, because I defy authority or some shit. Also, it went and decided it needed to develop a plot, but I have no fucking clue what the plot is supposed to be. AUGH MY LIFE.

Also, I feel sort of bad because so many people are like OH NO PEOPLE ARE LEAVING MERLIN FOR INCEPTION and blah blah JEALOUSY. And honestly, I'm not. I've also got a Sherlock fic I outlined before realizing there simply was not enough source material in three episodes to write it. It'll probably get filled in once they actually make more episodes. I actually do have a lot of ideas for Merlin fic, but I've found I hate writing during the season, because inevitably the next episode will air and totally ruin everything I've written and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. I'd prefer not to finish anything until the season is over, thank you, and instead twiddle my thumbs finishing Inception fics because new canon won't keep being added for the sole purpose of MAKING ME CRY.

In conclusion, yesterday [ profile] franticsga noticed that Merlin and Ariadne are sartorial soulmates, and then I made some demands, and now I really want them filled. I'm maybe a little sad no one filled my Silly Bands prompt.

BLAH BLAH MORE THOUGHTS. Including but not limited to - porn, Bradley James as a superhero, Katy Perry's boobs, my thoughts on parenting, and more! Oh, wheeee. )
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