chibirhm: (Care a hell of a lot for that armor.)

THINGS WE SHOULD FOCUS ON INSTEAD OF MY APPARENT INABILITY TO UPDATE MY LIVEJOURNAL: OOH, COLIN MORGAN. OOOOOOH. I've told you guys about my deep and abiding obsession I have with Colin's profile, right, and how I believe that it is the most perfect profile in the universe, from which all perfect profiles are thus derived? In case I haven't, those are my feelings. OOH COLIN MORGAN. I WOULD FEEL SWOONY AND FAINT AROUND YOU, BUT THAT WOULD MAKE YOU DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

Guys, I wish I had, like, a legitimate and good reason why I can't seem to post a lot lately. I wish I had a secret project or was a secret government agent. I wish I had gotten a new puppy/unicorn/whatever. The truth is I've been busy with really boring stuff. Like yesterday I had a meeting in Harvard Square in the morning and then I napped the afternoon away because I'm not used to having to be conscious in the morning. The day before that, I was busy shoveling two feet of snow. And then there have been a bunch of days where it's like wrote an article! Spent all day making phone calls! I've been posting on tumblr a lot because you don't really have to say anything on tumblr and it's v. v. convenient. Tumblr is also a place where it is not only socially acceptable but encouraged to blather for roughly one paragraph about eighteen times a day and no one is like kasjflkjdsfl STOP SPAMMING ME. So here are some things that, were it socially acceptable on Livejournal to spam you with four-sentence updates, I would have one so, as illustrated by .gifs:

chibirhm: (She's like so whatever.)
Happy New Year's everyone! I'm not fond of New Year's because I think it's a generally dumb holiday (it's been a year since that arbitrarily chosen day we celebrated last year! Hurrah!), but I have made the resolution to stop being so damn lazy at night and actually brush my fucking teeth every night, which half the time I don't do because my teeth "don't feel dirty" and I'm a disgusting slob. It's gross. It's so gross. I need to get on that. Though I failed with the one night I had to start, because I closed my eyes for two seconds waiting for a download to finish and next thing I know my mom's come down at 5 AM to turn off the light in the living room because I fell asleep (in a really uncomfortable position). So yeah, teeth brushing did not happen so much. I have asked my various animals their new year's resolutions as well. Charlie vows to chew ALL the cardboard, Gus wants to become a big boy and explore brand new couches that he has yet to poop on, and Ella wants her belly rubbed for at least three hours a day. I think that they'll probably all be relatively successful, too.

I've also been watching How I Met Your Mother with Evan (twin brother, for you newbies), who's home from college, and really, really wanted to marathon it. So obvs, I am pimping the show out like whoa, because at least once a day I make a verbal How I Met Your Mother reference and everyone in my family stares at me weird. Mostly it's great, except for the fact that Evan is romantically retarded. Like, I love him, but he really, really is. (Which is why I always use him as an argument for Bradley/Colin, because if even he looks at two dudes and thinks they're fucking/want to be, he's usually right.) I could bore you with lots of examples but I will just settle on this: we're almost done with Season 1 and Evan still thinks that Ted and Robin are The Most Perfect For Each Other Couple Ever. (And yes, he still thought that after seeing Zip Zip Zip. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN'S BRAIN.)

My reaction was roughly as follows:

I never re-watch any episodes past Mary the Paralegal because it's all Ted and Robin getting together (yuck) and Marshall and Lily temporarily breaking up (MY HEART IS BROKEN) it's just like why would I ever do that to myself? And I can just tell he's going to be cheering and beaming. WHILE MARSHALL AND LILY BREAK UP. E TU, BRUTE?

Also, I am concerned for that boy's romantic future.

And in conclusion, link dump! The... whatever it's called, that row where you can drag links for quick reference, is getting crowded, and it's entirely filled with links that are in regards to Men I Find Ridiculously Endearing And Delightful. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS THE FOLLOWING:
  • It sounds really lame, but honestly, if you have ever been a fan of Monsieur Cumberbatch, you should listen to him "sing" Candle in the Wind. OH CUMBERSNATCH, MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE THE OCEAN.
  • I'm starting to be seriously concerned that there's some sort of computer chip implanted in Joseph Gordon-Levitt's brain that compels him to be overwhelmingly, ridiculously endearing at exactly the right intervals such that I will become incapable of escaping from the growing chasm-like crush I have on him. This morning such an event occurred when he recommended this fabulous article by Oliver Sacks on how your brain never stops growing so you should never stop learning. I am honestly stumped by what I find the most appealing about this; the fact that he reads the New York Times op-eds, the fact that he reads and knows who OLIVER SACKS is (aka: the coolest/only scientist I legit care about), or the fact that he's all fangirly over lifetime education. EITHER WAY IT IS MIGHTY HARD TO TYPE 'ROUND THEM HEARTS IN MY EYES.
  • Speaking of endearing menfolk, everyone who failed to tell me about this Alex O'Loughlin interview is fired from life.

  • Hey everyone! Let's all go objectify sulky bb Scott Caan! Okay!
  • I would attempt to explain the glory of the following quote by Tom Hardy, in which he describes his strangest dream, but I cannot do it justice, so let's just all read it together:
    "I'm on stage at a Star Trek convention, and I'm wearing my Shinzon makeup and costume from Star Trek: Nemesis. Sitting next to me are Leo DiCaprio dressed as Captain Kirk, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Mr. Spock, Cillian Murphy as McCoy and Ellen Page as Uhura, and we’re all answering audience member questions about Inception. Suddenly, a Klingon in the audience stands up and shoots Leo in the chest, and the whole room erupts into chaos. Ellen shouts for Cillian to do something, but he tells her that he's an actor, not a doctor, so she looks at me and begs me to help, and I look at Leo and he's clearly dying, so I say I'll do what I can. I grab a ball-point pen and a microphone cord and I'm about to perform surgery when I realize I have no idea what I’m doing. Luckily, that's when I wake up."

    Alright, if you're not attracted to Tom Hardy, that's fine. I'm not attracted to him in an "I would tap that" way so much as a "I want to draw you and stare at your face FOREVER because it's sort of aesthetically fascinating". I get it! But if you don't find him ridiculously endearing after reading that, I despair for you slightly. His brain is a magnificent place.
  • HAPPY (BELATED) TWETNY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY, COLIN MORGAN, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD. I was discussing Colin's birthday/the inevitable drunken voicemails he probably gets, including the one from Bradley, with [ profile] myfoolisheart, and I was sort of amusing myself by writing them when I realized that it is shockingly easy for me to write Bradley James drunk. I attribute this on the fact that he already has almost no brain-to-mouth filter while sober.

chibirhm: (Once and Future King)
(Okay, so I posted a shorter version of this on tumblr and was telling [ profile] ella_bane I was surprised about how much it was getting re-blogged, and she was like "oh, put it on LJ!" And I was like "really?" And she was like "YES AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL DO MEAN THINGS TO YOU" and then made threatening motions so fine, here is the expanded LJ version of a letter I would like to send to Julian Murphy, or scream at him until I broke his brain. Alas, alack.)

Dear Julian Murphy,

So you have just given an interview looking back on Season 3 of Merlin, and in it, you are a giant flaming bag of douche. You've actually made me angry. Are you aware of how hard it is to make really and truly angry? Like, not just kind of irritated? Because when you say that "character growth" for female characters only happens if they get a romantic interest or turn evil, and that despite the actress' repeated pleas to play stronger roles, you have ignored them, citing that it's not "period appropriate" when you have never given two flying fucks about even the most rudimentary historical accuracy before, congrats! You've done it. You are officially a jackass.

And don't even get me started on your dismissal of Merlin/Arthur fans. You do realize that they make up a giant portion of your fanbase, and are a disproportionately large percentage the ones that make you money by buying your merchandise and going to your events? But apparently, you think it's a good idea to do just that. In an interview where you also compare the Merlin/Arthur relationship to both Butch/Sundance and Lois/Clark. Because there's nothing romantic about those relationships! And you're right, it's okay to have a prominent plot point in your "family show" be genocide in which you explicitly discuss the drowning of children, but making the main characters gay would be taking it a step too far and furthermore, it would be just so upsetting! Thank you for mansplaining it to me! I guess my tiny lady brain was all confused since I'm not in a relationship or plotting evil.

You know, for a long time, I was very defensive of you, simply because that's who I am. I am an easy forgiver. I am a benefit-of-the-doubt-er. So when there were all these conspiracy theories about the writers being purposefully sexist and homophobic I was like "... really?" Honestly, I did not believe that was possible in this day and age. Surely there could not be a secret cabal of menfolk sitting in a room willfully being that offensive. And I can forgive ignorance. I might not be happy about it, but if you don't know to examine your actions from a certain point of view, you don't know. Whats the point in getting mad over that? How are you supposed to do something you didn't know you were supposed to do? But you made it explicit in this interview that you know. You know exactly what you're doing. And furthermore, you are doing it on purpose because you think it is the right thing to do. And that is inexcusable. That is completely unforgivable.

If you were some sort of transcendent visionary, maybe you could get off on belittling your fans for ~not understanding you creative vision~. But you know what? You're not. You're not even good. If you think the fans watch for the "quality writing" on Merlin, you are insanely deluded. We watch in spite of that. We watch, for the most part, because it's pretty, and because the cast is really, really, really good. Like, way too good for you. Honestly, if you hadn't cast the people you cast, your show would have gone up like the Hindenburg. For fuck's sake, I can write better than you, and I'm not paid to do this shit. You are. And more than ever, I'm convinced that anything that goes right on this show is somehow a happy coincidence. Either that, or it is due to the dedicated effort of a small rebel force, and you are the Death Star, and I am really hoping one of these days they figure out how to jam up your goddamned trash compactor.

There's this delusion many writers seem to have, and it shows up especially in showrunners, that a show belongs to them, or that they understand their show better than anyone because they wrote it. I fucking hate that attitude. That attitude is my number one pet peeve not only in television, but on the top ten of "shit that pisses me off more than anything else, of all time". The first thing any person who is creative learns is that their work stops being theirs the second it is shared. The entire point of creative work is the way it can be re-interpreted and the meaning of it changes for every new fresh set of eyes that looks at it. To say yours is the "better" or "right" version is abso-fucking-loutely ludicrous, and beyond that, it's arrogant. It's like saying that you know ultimate philosophical answers to life's great questions and other people don't. You should never, ever, ever belittle an audience interpretation of your creative work. You may dislike it. Hell, you may hate it. It may hurt you because that work is your baby. I know that feeling. But like all babies, your work has grown up and left you. You can't do anything about it. Deal with it. And more than that, realize that if there's a mass consensus on your work, it is not because you are right in the face of a million people who are wrong, or that there is something fundamentally wrong with those people. It's that you you didn't see something and they did. That should be the whole reason you share your creativity in the first place. And if you can't deal with that, there's a simple solution - don't share. Get over yourself. End of story.

So, I guess the upshot of this little note is this; fuck you. Hard. Wait, let me make this clearer.

No. Just... no.

Me, potentially co-signed by 90% of Merlin fandom, or at least over 25 people on Tumblr.
chibirhm: (I'm not good with messes.)
So I knew vaguely there was racefail stuff going on in Inception fandom but I was avoiding it because I hate racefail. HATE IT. Last year's hubbub turned me off of people trying to out politically correct each other. I'm trying to refrain from a race rant because hello, wank, no one needs more of it. A lot has been said and really, it's been over a week. No fuel needs to be added to the fire. I'm just going to say these few things, which are my reactions to most racefail and which I feel are still relevant/important:

One, authors are not their characters. I'm not taking sides when I say this on the actual wank being discussed, I'm just saying this as an author who has had this mistake made about their work, and it's always been a pet peeve. My characters are not me. They do not represent my point of view. They do not do what I would do. They don't have to be perfect people, because real people aren't perfect. Real people make racist comments, or sexist comments, or dumb comments. If I want to write a character who tells his wife to go back to the kitchen where she belongs, this doesn't mean I think women should all go back to the kitchen, or that he necessarily has to be a villain to say that. (Even though I like to be in the kitchen. Actually, is it my day to do dishes? Fuck.) I don't like the idea that I, as an author, should have to warn for that, or put a little asterisk/footnote saying "BY THE WAY THIS IS NOT MY POINT OF VIEW". Shouldn't that be self-evident? My neighbors, all of them, are extremely nice people. But most of them are hardcore, Fox News-watching, homophobic, and semi-racist as well. Life isn't that cut and dry, and fiction shouldn't have to be either.

I'm saying this regardless of what was said in the fic that got people in a hubbub because it was supposedly racist, appropriate or not. I didn't actually read the fic (though I did read the passage people complained about). I don't actually care what was said and who said what. That is not the point. The point is, from an author's point of view, can I just complain about this phenomenon in general? If I write a character who has a nervous tic, no one assumes I have that nervous tic. If I write a character who's alcoholic, people don't assume I'm alcoholic. (I hope.) Sometimes I need to write a character saying something despicable, and so I don't see why someone should then assume that nothing else relates to my actual point of view, but that comment does.

The fact of the matter is, sometimes people say offensive things in real life, no matter how good-intentioned they are. I know I have. I'm not saying it's GOOD it happens, but the feeling that you have to make your characters perfectly eloquent, PC, walking advertisements for The Right Way To Handle Situations, and sparkling bastions of humanity is, from an author's point of view, extremely hampering. And irritating. And generally, bad.

Two, The fandom corner of the internet is, in general, an extremely accepting place. When racefail does erupt, it's usually over something pretty small. I care about -isms. I care a lot about social justice. In an ideal world, perhaps these are things we should nitpick over but really? This is, no matter how you look at it, nitpicking. There are big freaking instances of -isms out in the world. Like, here is some racism I posted about yesterday. And here is some really heinous homophobia. (By the way, I don't believe in hell, but I absolutely believe that when this guy dies, he will be burning in it.)

Fandom is a large place that can make a lot of change and do a lot of good and raise a lot of awareness. If we're going to do that, why are we wasting time on internet fights over interrogating texts from the wrong perspective or getting into fights that boil down to "you're more internally racist and have more privilege!" "no, you're more internally racist and have more privilege!"?

I would love to live in a world where a throwaway potentially racist line in a piece of fanfiction is, in fact, the worst thing that happens in the big, wide world of -isms and intolerance. But we do not live in that world, and for that reason, this entire thing is fucking ridiculous.

If fandom would like to discuss the problems that are legitimately problematic in the world today, I will be there marching in the parade and cheering on the forces of progressiveness and acceptance and spreading the word loud and far. But if fandom is continue getting into silly slapfights, I'm going to continue to roll my eyes and ignore fandom when it comes to race and discussing and wanking about it, because seriously? Seriously? There are a limited number of hours in a day, and the number of hours I'm willing to budget out for being annoyed is even more limited. At some point, in order to remain relatively sane and healthy, you need to make a threshold of things that get you all foaming at the mouth, because the world is so full of irritating things that if you were actually irritated by everything that maybe deserved to get upset over, you would not have time to sleep. I like sleep. I like being sane. I like being happy. If I'm going to be asked to get upset, I'd prefer it was over something that was, you know, actually a big problem that effects a lot of the world at large as opposed to, say, a hundred people on the internet.

But that's just me.

A lot of less heavy and unimportant stuff about Project Runway, Taylor Swift, Fox News, fic recs, otters, Merlin, Glee, dogs, pumpkin carving, rallies, and Bones DVDs. In that order. )

Man, I should... start looking into posting shorter entries more often. The problem is that I can go, like, a week and a half with nothing to say, and then all at once I have about TEN BILLION THINGS TO GET OUT. Like right now. I'm sorry. I just have so many ~thoughts and feelings~.
chibirhm: (This old heart is covered in glue.)
My First-World Reasons I am Miserable:

Uno! Impeding period. Always makes me super depressed/anxious. This month, I got to have an utterly unexplained panic attack over nothing on Sunday morning that lasted for three hours. That was three hours of uncontrollable shaking, crying, nausea, and mind-numbing terror for no reason. THREE. HOURS. Do you have any idea how INSANELY uncomfortable that is and how shaken that leaves you? IT FEELS TERRIBLE. It's like your soul vomiting. Only more painful.

Dos! EVERYONE, STOP DYING. I could emotionally handle the gay teen suicides (sort of). But I cannot handle them and then Tim Gunn making an It Gets Better video where he talks about how he tried to kill himself (TIM GUNN, MY HEART IS DELICATE AND FRAGILE AND YOU ARE MY FAVORITE), and then JGL's brother died, which I know shouldn't bother me but really, really does on two levels. The first being that whenever he'd make these tweets or tumblr posts about his brother it reminded me so strongly about how I feel about my older sister, and then my crazy over-empathy parts get involved and I start thinking about what would happen if one of my siblings died, and he was thirty-six and totally healthy! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DIE AT THIRTY-SIX UNLESS THEY HAVE AN EXTREMELY GOOD REASON, LIKE BEING IN AN AVALANCHE, OKAY. THAT'S ONE OF MY RULES OF LIFE THAT KEEPS ME FROM TURNING INTO A PARANOID NEUROTIC MESS. (Also I feel really sad for JGL an his family and everyone, except I don't really know them or anything about the situation so it's kind of a secondary "oh, that's such a shame".)

Also, the couple whose cats I was going to watch while they went to Turkey cancelled their Turkey trip because it looks like his brother might bite it. Right before his daughter's wedding. And his brother is my parents' age. Seriously, everyone, less with the death! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

Tres! Second week in a row of gray and rain. Ugh ugh ugh ugh.

Quatro! I went to Target to try to replace my much beloved flats and they had these great shoes almost exactly like my old ones, but the 6.5s were too small and the 7s were too big. I've tried everywhere else - the local shoe store, DSW, Zappos... AND I HATE SHOPPING, YOU GUYS. I really, really fucking need new shoes. Why can't I just find new freaking shoes? And don't even get me started on my sneaker woes. All of my shoes are legit falling apart at the seams. Like that's not a turn of phrase, they are falling apart at the seams.

On top of no luck with shoes at Target, I also had no luck with finding bags (also falling apart), any clothes (red zone situation - all my clothing fits into one dark and one light wash easily, and the light wash isn't even full, and both of those are fifty percent pajamas), or the laundry detergent my mother asked me to pick up. Though I did manage to get myself eyeshadow because my old eyeshadow has been disintegrating everywhere. Woo...hoo. Clearly, a priority.

This trip to Target took up the part of the day where I was supposed to take the dog for a walk, too, and by time I got home I was overtired, cramping, cranky, freezing cold, and so instead I passed out on my couch for two hours. And then I felt guilty the rest of the night for going out when clearly I should have been staying home taking care of my baby. (For the record, I should not have, I just feel an irrational sense of guilt anyway, and I'm hormonal/Jewish, so it was semi-crippling. My dog forgave me within thirty seconds of scratching under her chin.)

Cinqo! This week's episode of Glee was so depressing I can't even talk about it without legit feeling queasy. Usually, Glee is my special happy fun time full of campy music and devoid of logic or emotion. Robin's boyfriend comes over, Ella's over, Robin's home, we all curl up on the couch and coo at Finn and Artie because they are too precious to exist and where were those boys in high school when we were there? It's good times. TONIGHT WAS NOT GOOD TIMES, GLEE. IT WAS TAKE MY TERRIFYING WORST FEARS ABOUT PARENTS DROPPING NEARLY-DEAD AND MANIPULATING MY EMOTIONS FOR AN HOUR. AN HOUR! EVEN FINN BEING ADORABLE ABOUT FINDING JESUS ON HIS GRILLED CHEESE DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.


Sies! Ever since my Fun Marathon of Terror, my stomach has been misbehaving terribly. The latest thing it has decided I cannot eat without insane nausea/indigestion? Apples. And sister and her boyfriend just went apple picking! My mother just made applesauce and apple tart! Apples are everywhere! It's fucking October in fucking New England! And I love apples!

Stomach, you and I are not on good terms right now.

YOUR JOB: Do not hug me! Do not pet my hair! Give me fun stuff! Happy stuff! Rec me fics of adorable boys in love! Youtube videos! Find adorable fuzzy things from CuteOverload backlogs! Write me comment fics!

Also if one or two of you could come over and do my laundry/the rest of my reading for class tomorrow/make it so I don't have to go to class tomorrow, I'd really like that.
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