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Maybe you couldn't believe that my love for you was blind, but I couldn't make you see it.
So, I decided to take a break from college searching (the master list has been updated) and my Euro summer reading on the wives of Henry VIII and his wives, which can be boiled down from a 600 page book much more amusingly here. But I didn't know what to do with myself. "Self," I said, "what has there been a distinct lack of in our life?" And the answer was total and utter shallowness.
So I decided, since I have so many celebrity boyfriend each for totally different reasons, shouldn't I give you all pictoral references so you can keep track of them all? Wouldn't that be an awesome excuse for shallowness? I thought so.
Jake Gyllenhaal - My Eyecandy Boyfriend
So why is Jake Gyllenhaal so great? It's very simple. He is heinously, heinously pretty. He's beautiful. He's kind of like staring into the sun, he's so beautiful.
I mean, can we look at exhibit A? Do you see that smile? It lights up the world, that smile. It's both adorable and sexy AT THE SAME TIME. It's the "Aw, shucks, there are really millions of women the world over who want in my pants?" smile.
There are many deep, ponderful questions in the world. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Do the other trees laugh at it? Boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs? These are deep questions. Philosophical questions. I suggest we add to that list "Is there anything more attractive then a man who either has or deeply loves dogs?" Because my answer is....no.
Um. Yeah. Um. I'll just...yeah.
Jim Halpert - My I-Don't-Care-That-You're-Not-Real Boyfriend
So I've recently fallen deeply in love with The Office. I'm not going to lie, the original reason I started watching was Steve Carrell, who, in my book, can do no wrong. And the first season isn't so good, you can tell everyone's getting their footing, but my god, the second season is INCREDABLE. And besides find a new show I'm helplessly enamored with, I found a boy. His name is Jim Halpert. And every girl/woman/heterosexual of the female situation goes through this (and I'm sure some guys do to). You can't not fall in love with Jim. He's a long-suffering guy helplessly in love with his coworker Pam (played by Jenna Fisher, who all the guys who watch the Office end up falling in love with cause she's sweet and adorable), he's funny, genuine, smart, and just a good guy. He's like your best friend even though you've never actually met him and so amazingly cute and devoted that everything he does ends up becomming sexy. I'll admit, when I first saw pictures of Jim I was like "He's cute, but what's the fuss?" But then you watch even a little clip of Jim in action and you get it. John Krasinski plays him so every girl who watches sees him as this perfect, underappreciated man. And my god, he does a great job. Also, his voice is lovely and slightly hoarse and I could just close my eyes and listen to it forever.
See, he also has splendiferous hair (which, in one episode, Steve Carrell makes a completely awful attempt to mimic). It is FLOPPY. And so SOFT looking. I think he is also looking at Pam in this shot, because do you see the look in his eyes? Sigh.
Jim/John/whoever is also my favorite body type, tall and boyish and slightly built. Seriously. This man is 6'3", and while I could never actually go out with someone that tall because that would just be ridiculous, can we just gaze at how long and wonderful he is?
Even Jim approves of himself. That's how attractive he is.
And, on a very odd note, Jim has amazing teeth.
The other best part about Jim are the absolutely amazing (and famous) faces he makes. They're just...word-defying.
Jon Stewart - My Your-Brain-Is-Your-Sexiest-Feature-Ever Boyfriend
Okay. Yeah. Jon Stewart's cute. Watching him makes you feel just a little warm and fuzzy, but why do girls really want to throw their panties at him? It's his brain and sense of humor. Seriously, Jon Stewart should ACTUALLY be the president. I would vote for him a million times. But, see, I'm not PHYSICALLY attracted to Jon Stewart. So I propose that we find a way to make people's brains mate, because I would totally do that. Our brains could meet in a fancy hotel and get to know each other. That would work quite nicely.
Sufjan Stevens - My Musical and I'm-Pretty-Sure-He's-Gay Boyfriend
Okay, sure, Damien Rice is my favorite musical artist. And he's pretty gosh-darn cute. And he actually sings songs about girls that are not charged with homoeroticism. But, um, have you seen Sufjan Stevens? I don't even care that he seems gayer than a bunch of parakeets in a lemon tree drinking martinis. He's kind of beautiful.
I just love this picture. He's so small and thoughtful looking. Like, for serious you guys. Asdklfjsldkjf.
Um, hi there, Sufjan's shoulder. How are you. I find you quite attractive. You are sooooo good-looking.
I also have a deep and personal love for his mouth, oh my god.
I. Um. Yeah. Hi.
UM. YEAH. I'M GOING TO JUST. YEAH. UM. WOW. YEAH.
Topher Grace - My I-Actually-Want-To-Go-Out-With-You Boyfriend
So it started that fateful day I was bored and my sister was going to see Win A Date with Tad Hamilton. I tagged along. That was, like, four years ago and I have been deeply and totally in love with Topher Grace ever since then. He's certainly not the most attractive fellow out of this bunch, but he's undeniably cute. In every interview he gives, he's smart and funny. One hundred percent of the time. You can't fake smart and funny like that. He also has awesome taste in music.
He just also kind of does this thing like "Hey, come over here. Yeah you. Wanna listen to music with me? Want to be best friends? By the way I'm kind of freakishly adorable."
Also, his hands? Asdlfjsldkjaflksdjamdsmfiasmdflkdfjlksdj. That is all.
Well, I feel sufficently shallow.
So I decided, since I have so many celebrity boyfriend each for totally different reasons, shouldn't I give you all pictoral references so you can keep track of them all? Wouldn't that be an awesome excuse for shallowness? I thought so.
So why is Jake Gyllenhaal so great? It's very simple. He is heinously, heinously pretty. He's beautiful. He's kind of like staring into the sun, he's so beautiful.
I mean, can we look at exhibit A? Do you see that smile? It lights up the world, that smile. It's both adorable and sexy AT THE SAME TIME. It's the "Aw, shucks, there are really millions of women the world over who want in my pants?" smile.
There are many deep, ponderful questions in the world. If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Do the other trees laugh at it? Boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs? These are deep questions. Philosophical questions. I suggest we add to that list "Is there anything more attractive then a man who either has or deeply loves dogs?" Because my answer is....no.
Um. Yeah. Um. I'll just...yeah.
Jim Halpert - My I-Don't-Care-That-You're-Not-Real Boyfriend
So I've recently fallen deeply in love with The Office. I'm not going to lie, the original reason I started watching was Steve Carrell, who, in my book, can do no wrong. And the first season isn't so good, you can tell everyone's getting their footing, but my god, the second season is INCREDABLE. And besides find a new show I'm helplessly enamored with, I found a boy. His name is Jim Halpert. And every girl/woman/heterosexual of the female situation goes through this (and I'm sure some guys do to). You can't not fall in love with Jim. He's a long-suffering guy helplessly in love with his coworker Pam (played by Jenna Fisher, who all the guys who watch the Office end up falling in love with cause she's sweet and adorable), he's funny, genuine, smart, and just a good guy. He's like your best friend even though you've never actually met him and so amazingly cute and devoted that everything he does ends up becomming sexy. I'll admit, when I first saw pictures of Jim I was like "He's cute, but what's the fuss?" But then you watch even a little clip of Jim in action and you get it. John Krasinski plays him so every girl who watches sees him as this perfect, underappreciated man. And my god, he does a great job. Also, his voice is lovely and slightly hoarse and I could just close my eyes and listen to it forever.
See, he also has splendiferous hair (which, in one episode, Steve Carrell makes a completely awful attempt to mimic). It is FLOPPY. And so SOFT looking. I think he is also looking at Pam in this shot, because do you see the look in his eyes? Sigh.
Jim/John/whoever is also my favorite body type, tall and boyish and slightly built. Seriously. This man is 6'3", and while I could never actually go out with someone that tall because that would just be ridiculous, can we just gaze at how long and wonderful he is?
Even Jim approves of himself. That's how attractive he is.
And, on a very odd note, Jim has amazing teeth.
The other best part about Jim are the absolutely amazing (and famous) faces he makes. They're just...word-defying.
Jon Stewart - My Your-Brain-Is-Your-Sexiest-Feature-Ever Boyfriend
Okay. Yeah. Jon Stewart's cute. Watching him makes you feel just a little warm and fuzzy, but why do girls really want to throw their panties at him? It's his brain and sense of humor. Seriously, Jon Stewart should ACTUALLY be the president. I would vote for him a million times. But, see, I'm not PHYSICALLY attracted to Jon Stewart. So I propose that we find a way to make people's brains mate, because I would totally do that. Our brains could meet in a fancy hotel and get to know each other. That would work quite nicely.
Sufjan Stevens - My Musical and I'm-Pretty-Sure-He's-Gay Boyfriend
Okay, sure, Damien Rice is my favorite musical artist. And he's pretty gosh-darn cute. And he actually sings songs about girls that are not charged with homoeroticism. But, um, have you seen Sufjan Stevens? I don't even care that he seems gayer than a bunch of parakeets in a lemon tree drinking martinis. He's kind of beautiful.
I just love this picture. He's so small and thoughtful looking. Like, for serious you guys. Asdklfjsldkjf.
Um, hi there, Sufjan's shoulder. How are you. I find you quite attractive. You are sooooo good-looking.
I also have a deep and personal love for his mouth, oh my god.
I. Um. Yeah. Hi.
UM. YEAH. I'M GOING TO JUST. YEAH. UM. WOW. YEAH.
Topher Grace - My I-Actually-Want-To-Go-Out-With-You Boyfriend
So it started that fateful day I was bored and my sister was going to see Win A Date with Tad Hamilton. I tagged along. That was, like, four years ago and I have been deeply and totally in love with Topher Grace ever since then. He's certainly not the most attractive fellow out of this bunch, but he's undeniably cute. In every interview he gives, he's smart and funny. One hundred percent of the time. You can't fake smart and funny like that. He also has awesome taste in music.
He just also kind of does this thing like "Hey, come over here. Yeah you. Wanna listen to music with me? Want to be best friends? By the way I'm kind of freakishly adorable."
Also, his hands? Asdlfjsldkjaflksdjamdsmfiasmdflkdfjlksdj. That is all.
Well, I feel sufficently shallow.