chibirhm | And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.

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And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.

Apparently, I am the only person on the planet who liked Merlin this week. I don't know, you guys! I think it's my old people in love thing. It just kills me every time. Plus, Arthur! Oh my god Arthur. SO CUTE WITH HIS EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION AND GETTING ON THE CLUEBUS RE: HIS DADDY AND GIVING MERLIN ADVICE. OH REAL ARTHUR PENDRAGON AND NOT THE WEIRD-ASS VERSION WE'VE BEEN SEEING OF YOU FOR SO LONG, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE PIE, AND I FUCKING LOVE PIE. And of course Colin's just fucking adorable. Whatever. It wasn't an amazing episode, and as far as the show is concerned, they could do better. But I still found it an enjoyable way to spend forty minutes or so.

I have come to realize that my enjoyment of each episode is directly proportional to the amount of time Gwen is on screen with Arthur (or often times, on screen AT ALL), which is just a really depressing realization all around. I'M SORRY, ANGEL COULBY WHO SEEMS LIKE AN EXTREMELY NICE LADY, AND SEASON ONE!GWEN, WHO WAS SO AMAZING. THIS IS NOT PERSONALLY DIRECTED AT YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. As such, I'm just not writing about Merlin next week. Honestly, I couldn't even watch the trailer without feeling nauseous and shaking I was so angry. Is it lame that I care this much? Yes. But these characters mean a lot to me. This is my favorite show. And they are stabbing it in the face with terrible writing and I just... ugh. I cannot stand idly by and watch any show suffer under such treatment, let alone Merlin. If it was any show BUT Merlin, that is the kind of episode that would cause me to break up with it entirely.

I mean really. Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic. What is this bullshit? Arthur would never take ANYONE on a picnic unless there was A WEAPON POINTING AT A VITAL PORTION OF HIS ANATOMY. He's Arthur Pendragon! He has no ability to express his feelings! Hugs scare him! He still makes Gaius give him a yearly booster of the cootie shot! AND HE TAKES HER ON A PICNIC? A clue to writers! IF YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK, IT IS NOT REALLY WORKING.

So yes, next week, drunken (well, sober for me, I don't drink, but I might make myself a good smoothie) Season 1 re-watch at

hermette's. And I will continue to hold to my totally ridiculous belief that Merlin/Arthur is like Moonlighting couple of this show. They are Booth and Brennan. They are Jim and Pam (or, Jim and Pam before they actually got married and had a baby). They're Ross and Rachel. They are that couple that NEVER GETS TOGETHER and is super-popular with the audience and the showrunners always swear up and down that they're just ~exploring their friendship~ and ~don't read too much into it~ and then in the series finale, bam! SURPRISE WHO JUST GOT TOGETHER? THAT COUPLE. I have thus used my powers of television deduction to decide that the J's are punking us, right? We are being led astray. They are playing our oft-bruised souls that have longed for the gay and been VICIOUSLY DENIED so that when Arthur and Merlin finally make out it will be like the Spanish Inquisition. No one will expect it! And Gwen is the classic red herring that 90% of fandom hates for ruining their preferred couple and 10% actually ships her and ~feels oppressed~ by the rest of fandom. SEE. DO YOU SEE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS TO MERLIN FANDOM? We're being played. I figured it out. Do I get a pony as a prize? Because I would prefer a sort of certificate of Trope Sleuthing Skills and for the J's to handwrite an apology. Or Bradley and Colin can come live in my room with me. I AM NOT PICKY IS MY POINT.

I have no idea what denial everyone is referring to right now.

THIS METHOD OF COPING IS BRADLEY JAMES APPROVED.

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I liked this week's episode...

I mean really. Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic. What is this bullshit? Arthur would never take ANYONE on a picnic unless there was A WEAPON POINTING AT A VITAL PORTION OF HIS ANATOMY. He's Arthur Pendragon! He has no ability to express his feelings! Hugs scare him! He still makes Gaius give him a yearly booster of the cootie shot! AND HE TAKES HER ON A PICNIC? A clue to writers! IF YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK, IT IS NOT REALLY WORKING.

Oh god, I want to marry this paragraph because, YES. The writing this season is painfully bad at times, and sadly most of those times are when Arthur and Gwen are on screen together

It is not lame, I'm right there with you. And I too enjoyed this episode...Merlin's reaction to Arthur punching him was priceless and the fight between Merlin and Gaius was so sad, did you see Merlin's wobble face :( and Alice was beautiful and graceful :) but that creature scared the hell out of me, it was like a shriveled up head of Uther and....*shivers* I also liked Merlin's disgust at Uther's hypocrisy.

EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW IS TOO GOOD FOR IT.

Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic.

--- Preach the truth, bb. Let's face it, the guys who run this show have no shame in destroying Arthur. A man who takes Gwen on picnics is so emotionally stunted in every area of his life? Bitch, please. They know this pairing has no chemistry otherwise so they're resorting to all the major tricks. They know we go gaga over Bradley in a picnic setting --- that early interview this year where he's licking guacamole off his fingers. So they're putting it into the show. I mean what's left for them to do? They've now committed themselves to pushing this thing so far, I will not be surprised if we get a A/G in bed scene in the next season. It will be a fucking joke if at the end of this episode, A/G go back to square one and "No our love cannot be, I'm just a servant" crap.

IT MAKES NO CONCEIVABLE SENSE IN ANY UNIVERSE. I have some friends who like Arthur/Gwen and I've attempted to get them to explain and nope, it doesn't. It just doesn't make sense.

Plus, I don't hate Gaius, which a lot of people seem to. I mean he's not my favorite ever, but I like him. And he has a tale of tragic love! IT WAS SO CUTE OMG.

Plus, any return to normal Arthur to me is like Christmas.

I REALLY WANT BRADLEY AND COLIN TO HAVE FINAL VETO POWER OVER ALL THE EPISODES. THEY ALWAYS ARE FANS OF THE MEGA GAY ONES.

So, disgusting story that nevertheless is an apt metaphor - I have a tendency to get constipated. And when I get constipated and am in the bathroom for a long time, my mom always starts shouting in at me about laxatives and saying how if I push that hard, I'll get hemorrhoids. I feel like good writing is a lot like taking a dump. You shouldn't have to push it.

I am unsure what the hemorrhoids are in this situation, but am I totally immature on wishing them on the Merlin writers right now? Just a little? It'll make me feel better.

Darling, I want to marry you and take you somewhere where we can discuss all the ways in which Arthur WOULD NEVER TAKE ANYONE ON A PICNIC EVER OH MY GOD.

Because I mean seriously.
I just.

I don't know how I'm going to cope next week.
I really don't.

I'M NOT WATCHING. I'm just not. I'll read a recap and watch the bearable parts on Youtube, but that's it.

I believe the writers must have been confused. See, I'm sure that Bradley, to celebrate the fact that it was Wednesday and Colin was his boyfriend, brought Colin a big picnic (vegetarian and all things he's not allergic to, of course!) and they sat eating off of each other's plates and kissing with their legs tangled up. I am sure they looked at that and thought WHAT A GOOD IDEA TO POACH AND MAKE HETEROSEXUAL.

I'm so glad my sleuthing skills are being put to such good use tonight.

No, hon, you're not immature. I'll join right in with you. It's probably not too far from the truth given that season 3 has basically been a big rehash of the last two seasons. Except with everything getting worse and the two main characters regressing.

There have been quite a few episodes I liked! I liked the first two parts of the opener, and I liked last week, the first Gwaine ep, and the Crystal Cave. The goblin I could have left but was mostly just meh, and the rest... blergh.

When I become aware that I am able to write a show better than the people paid to actually write a show, it's a problem. All I'm saying.

I was re-watching S1 earlier today and the difference is shocking. The writers have managed to take Arthur and Gwen - two quite interesting characters in their own right - and twist them into something unrecognisable just to push the twu luv agenda.

Also, recycling is good and all but there's only so many times they can roll out the same plot devices, surely? (Surprise!brother was so lame it was hilarious.)

X-D
I think they just cashed in on that picnic he had with that journalist and decided to bung Angel in there before they could clear it up.
And Bradley was like *shake fists* because he's been planning to grab it all and turn it into a Colin picnic instead.

You're a pretty awesome writer, though! It's when the rest of us also think we can write better that they have a problem. Also when their mane (Colin giggle) man thinks the A/G is crap, they've got a problem.

I know! God, I was so excited about Arthur/Gwen season 1. I was never going to ship them, but I totally had the potential to enjoy them heartily and have it all be one big pile of OT3. But no. No, the writers had to twist it into this... thing. That is the only way I can describe it. A thing.

Indeed. And it gets annoying to be told off for saying that because this is, apparently, bashing Gwen, rather than bashing the craptacular writing

Aw, thanks! But still, I've never written for screen, and I don't think I'm better than writers of most TV shows. But if the writing is off for me on a show... man. That's like the biggest slap in the face a show can give me.

I think part of the problem with Arthur/Gwen, honestly, is that neither Angel or Bradley seem to like it very much. Angel rolls with it and is more diplomatic about it, certainly, but whenever she's asked where she WANTS her character to go, it's always away from Arthur. And Bradley... Bradley couldn't make it clearer he hates doing those scenes if he took out a billboard. If your actors don't have chemistry, you can't make it work. It's the first rule. It will be a constant uphill battle. But actors who have chemistry? The scenes write themselves for you. Heck, you don't even have to write scenes for them, and if it's two actors like Bradley and Colin they become laden with UST. THAT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. Contrived romance = bad romance. It's just a rule.

Or that it's racist because she's half Black. Seriously, I'd love for Gwen to be as awesome as she used to be. I'd love for her to be the kind of representation that women of color DESERVE to have of themselves rather than a damsel in distress. If I didn't care about her character, or positive representations, I wouldn't give a crap.

HE HAD EVEN PICKED THE TOMATOES OUT AND EVERYTHING DDDD:

DENIED, BRADLEY. DENIED.

Agh. I just can't get over how much next week is going to mash my brain to pieces.
I'm so fucked.

Contrived romance = bad romance. It's just a rule.

--- It's so obvious which is why it's all so frustrating. The other thing I don't get is why this wasn't apparent to them in the beginning? Did they not screen test these two? Also I never expected the writing to go downhill so badly. I definitely did not predict this is where we would be at the end of season 1.

DON'T WATCH IT, BB. DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

Ah, but it's an easy win to throw out racism and misogyny, isn't it? Along with the accusation that, if you're a slasher, then you're automatically anti-het (which is bullshit; I still weep for the missed opportunity of Merlin/Morgana in S2)

Gwen had the potential to be an awesome, interesting character but there is zero chemistry between Gwen and Arthur and it just does.not.work.

I get the feeling the writers had and have no real idea of what to do with her, and it is frustrating as a viewer when you know that the show could be so much better.

You would think if they wanted them to end up together, THEY WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TO TEST IT before hiring them. It just seems like common fucking sense, to me.

I HAVE TO, OTHER JULIA. ONE JULIA HAS TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.
I'M FALLING ON MY SWORD.

I know, right? I'm not against het at ALL. In fact, everything else I ship on this show is het. I just don't like this.

I get the feeling that these writers have never gotten any action past high school. Because if they have and persist writing romance like this, I'm just concerned.

AND I'M GUESSING YOU DON'T MEAN SWORD IN A FUN, EUPHEMISTIC WAY.

NOPE. I MEAN IT IN THE "I'M GOING TO DIE BLEEDING" WAY.

From the interviews, what I have gathered is they wanted Bradley for Arthur from the beginning because one of the producers worked on DisConnected. They were probably ecstatic with his chemistry with Colin. They cast for Gwen the last for some unknowable reason. Probably figured that both Bradley and Angel were charming individually they would be even more awesome together. Realized throughout season 1 that they had no real A/G scenes, realized in season 2 that even with scenes they have no chemistry, and in season 3 became obsessed with the A/G to the detriment of everything else except evil Morgana. I guess given that they're so determined to hold out on the magic reveal, they need to write about something and thought, "Why don't we fix A/G?"

AND THEY CARE ABOUT THE SHOW SO MUCH WHICH IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I HATE THAT IT'S BECOME SO STINKY.

I cannot stand idly by and watch any show suffer under such treatment, let alone Merlin. If it was any show BUT Merlin, that is the kind of episode that would cause me to break up with it entirely.

so much word to this. oh show, I wish I knew how to quit youu D:

and I was also one of the weird people who liked this week's episode and it's old people and love and Arthur with the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. it was all sorts of endearing.

I liked this ep too! xD Gaius and Alice were very sweet together. And I like that Arthur is back! (Though practising his hammering on Merlin wasn't very nice)... But we got THIS PORN MOMENT.

I'm not looking forward to next week. The OOCness is killing me a little. Maybe it was Merlin who suggested the picnic?

Their lack of chemistry kills me. I think I could at least live with the whole thing (atrocious writing included) if there were sparks, but they keep telling me there's something there and I get big lot of nothing. No wait, that's not true, I do get something: wooden awkwardness. I mean, every time Bradley leans in to kiss Angel his eyes get cloudy and his face sort of numb, like he retreats somewhere deep into his head, like he'd rather be in the dungeons getting flocked or something. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHIP THAT? /despair

UGH ARTHUR PENDRAGON HERE IS MY HEART I LOVE YOUUUUU.

I AM SORRY MY LOVE FOR YOU MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

I actually didn't mind the beating up on Merlin as much as I thought? Merlin is generally acting as his squire. Which, granted, isn't Merlin's job, but can you imagine either Arthur or Merlin allowing someone else the pleasure of being wailed on by Arthur Pendragon? I DO NOT THINK SO.

And yes, I caught that bit of innuendo. IT WAS MAGNIFICENT AND MADE ME GIGGLE.

I know! I can deal with bad writing, okay. I won't be happy, but I can deal with it so long as I can BELIEVE in it. I cannot believe Arthur and Gwen want to be around each other. I just can't. I'm sorry.

I genuinely question anyone who can. I try not to be judgmental but honestly, I am pretty sure that it's physically impossible to think there's some sort of crackling undertone between those two.

I think the writers are just sort of stuck between what they THINK should happen (Arthur/Gwen) and what the actual SHOW and CHARACTERS indicates should happen (Merlin/Arthur). They've painted themselves into a corner.

I LIKED MERLIN THIS WEEK. Not as much as past weeks, and I doubt I'll be coming back to rewatch this one as much as other, but I liked it. :) I liked Arthur's sexy forearms and how I thought he was admirably calm in the face of his father being poisoned (and I very much doubt Uther would have been half so calm if Arthur was poisoned).

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And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.

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