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Yesterday is gone, who knows if tomorrow may bring all that we desire, if tomorow brings the sun?
So, how was everybody's weekend? Because mine was pretty cool. Went to Rochester, saw Evan, saw and talked to Stephen Colbert. You know, the usual.
ANYWAYS, let's not lie to ourselves, it was pretty much the awesomest thing to ever happen. In the universe.
See! I am displaying my feelings of appropriate, blurry glee.
Followed by appropriate "OH MY GOD I WANT THIS THING TO START ALREADY."
FYI - I had a super bitchin', unobstructed view of his Colbertliness, because we got, like, box seats due to my mom's handicapped state. Seriously, I love that my mom needs a wheelchair sort of but not really. It's like getting all the perks of being handicapped without any of the crappy actual handicapped parts.
This was especially exciting for me because I am always too short to see when I sit with normal people. It's, like, inevitable I get the seat right behind the tall guy with the 'fro, because God hates me. WELL NOT ANYMORE, GOD.
COLBERT.
Now these are the best pictures you're going to get of him, so you're going to have to trust me on this. I don't have the world's greatest zoom, plus he moved around a lot, plus photography wasn't even ALLOWED, so I couldn't even get a good still of him on one of the huge screens, use my flash, and give away that I was performing highly illicit deeds.
Anyways, Stephen wasn't in character. My guess is because it's seriously exhausting to be in character for, like, two hours, especially when there's a totally unscripted question and answer session. It was really funny, actually, to see Stephen not be "Stephen" for a change, because even on The Daily Show, he really was his character. Real Stephen is extremely giggly, his voice cracks even more than mine when he gets excited (it's apparently possible! Also, adorable on the right people), and very liberal. People kept trying to get him to say stuff about "President Obama" and he refused to even UTTER those words lest he curse it, and then someone got him to say it once and he got pretend annoyed with them. Also, according to Stephen, the way to tell him and "Stephen" apart is to measure the size of their balls, which he would have done if campus security hadn't forbidden such a thing. (Though, when I went to the bathroom earlier while waiting for the show to start I saw security, and it was this tiny Asian man showing all the modifications he had to do to the smallest sized uniform to make it fit. His belt was unreal. I think Stephen probably could have flashed us and it would have been okay.)
Stephen was also inordinately fond of the sign language translators and the fact that they would literally sign anything he said. He had them sign things like "Oh, Stephen is such a handsome man, if I were alone I'd be doing very different things with my hands" and when they switched interpreters he'd have them trash-sign each other. Seriously, the fact that he had sign language people tickled him to absolutely no end.
The keynote speaker this weekend (and earlier that day) was Anderson Cooper, who I chose not to go see because, as freakishly gorgeous as the man is, he was probably going to talk about how the world was going to hell in a hand basket and frankly, I didn't really want to hear it. If he wanted to talk about how pretty he was for an hour and a half, that might have been worth waking up for. But yeah, this weekend was pundit-licious. Apparently Anderson referred to Stephen in his address as his "nemesis", which was his reason for not going to see him speak later in the night even though he, Stephen, and Jon are all total BFFs. (Guys, is anyone else rooting for a Cooper/Colbert smackdown on air? I AM. I need fake fights, and I need them yesterday.) Stephen, for his part, pulled up a picture of Anderson Cooper on the big screen and was like "Look at those piercing blue eyes...it's like being read the news by a Siberian Husky."
WHICH LET'S NOT LIE, IS TOTALLY TRUE.
Also, he did a Word!
Fun random tidbits:
ANYWAYS, let's not lie to ourselves, it was pretty much the awesomest thing to ever happen. In the universe.
See! I am displaying my feelings of appropriate, blurry glee.
Followed by appropriate "OH MY GOD I WANT THIS THING TO START ALREADY."
FYI - I had a super bitchin', unobstructed view of his Colbertliness, because we got, like, box seats due to my mom's handicapped state. Seriously, I love that my mom needs a wheelchair sort of but not really. It's like getting all the perks of being handicapped without any of the crappy actual handicapped parts.
This was especially exciting for me because I am always too short to see when I sit with normal people. It's, like, inevitable I get the seat right behind the tall guy with the 'fro, because God hates me. WELL NOT ANYMORE, GOD.
COLBERT.
Now these are the best pictures you're going to get of him, so you're going to have to trust me on this. I don't have the world's greatest zoom, plus he moved around a lot, plus photography wasn't even ALLOWED, so I couldn't even get a good still of him on one of the huge screens, use my flash, and give away that I was performing highly illicit deeds.
Anyways, Stephen wasn't in character. My guess is because it's seriously exhausting to be in character for, like, two hours, especially when there's a totally unscripted question and answer session. It was really funny, actually, to see Stephen not be "Stephen" for a change, because even on The Daily Show, he really was his character. Real Stephen is extremely giggly, his voice cracks even more than mine when he gets excited (it's apparently possible! Also, adorable on the right people), and very liberal. People kept trying to get him to say stuff about "President Obama" and he refused to even UTTER those words lest he curse it, and then someone got him to say it once and he got pretend annoyed with them. Also, according to Stephen, the way to tell him and "Stephen" apart is to measure the size of their balls, which he would have done if campus security hadn't forbidden such a thing. (Though, when I went to the bathroom earlier while waiting for the show to start I saw security, and it was this tiny Asian man showing all the modifications he had to do to the smallest sized uniform to make it fit. His belt was unreal. I think Stephen probably could have flashed us and it would have been okay.)
Stephen was also inordinately fond of the sign language translators and the fact that they would literally sign anything he said. He had them sign things like "Oh, Stephen is such a handsome man, if I were alone I'd be doing very different things with my hands" and when they switched interpreters he'd have them trash-sign each other. Seriously, the fact that he had sign language people tickled him to absolutely no end.
The keynote speaker this weekend (and earlier that day) was Anderson Cooper, who I chose not to go see because, as freakishly gorgeous as the man is, he was probably going to talk about how the world was going to hell in a hand basket and frankly, I didn't really want to hear it. If he wanted to talk about how pretty he was for an hour and a half, that might have been worth waking up for. But yeah, this weekend was pundit-licious. Apparently Anderson referred to Stephen in his address as his "nemesis", which was his reason for not going to see him speak later in the night even though he, Stephen, and Jon are all total BFFs. (Guys, is anyone else rooting for a Cooper/Colbert smackdown on air? I AM. I need fake fights, and I need them yesterday.) Stephen, for his part, pulled up a picture of Anderson Cooper on the big screen and was like "Look at those piercing blue eyes...it's like being read the news by a Siberian Husky."
WHICH LET'S NOT LIE, IS TOTALLY TRUE.
Also, he did a Word!
Fun random tidbits:
- Stephen believes that our generation are pussies because we never got spanked. Time outs, he says, are like white collar prisons for toddlers.
- Stephen thinks that sex with Mitt Romney would be so hot, because if his campaign is any indication, he'd be willing to do it in any position.
- A girl did ask to marry Stephen during the question and answer session (he claims, for the first time ever, which I say is bullshit), but he is not looking because "my wife would kill me".
This was also his response when asked for a hug. - Real!Stephen speaks very highly of Jon Stewart. He said he's hilarious and extremely talented and intelligent and supportive. Also, tiny. Apparently he was in Stephen's pocket the entire time. This is, of course, not true, because Jon was at Northeastern University this weekend AT THE SAME TIME I WAS SEEING STEPHEN. Why has NO ONE perfected the be-in-two-places-at-once machine? FAILURE, EVERYONE.
- If you want to be an intern on the Colbert Report, males are picked based on how loudly they can yell Stephen's name, and girls are picked by who can say his name with the closest approximation of desire. Start practicing, kids.
- Stephen sang us the entirety of his hit 80's stalker song, "Charlene". It was magical.
- I GOT TO ASK STEPHEN A QUESTION. I asked him why he'd randomly changed glasses for, like, a week, and it turns out that for a week he was wearing Sarah Palin's EXACT FRAMES. He never planned to bring it up, it was just a sort of weird inside joke he decided to do and see who noticed. (Answer: my mom and sister, because they are crazy.) I forget what week this was, so I can't offer you photographic proof, but it HAPPENED, okay. I'm not making this up.
For the final question, a guy got up and asked if, while wearing Palin's glasses, Stephen could see Russia from his window. That kid got a really long hug.- Evan KNEW that kid, so afterwards he hugged him, and then I hugged Evan, so I now have third-hand Colbert on me.
You may worship me appropriately.
- Evan KNEW that kid, so afterwards he hugged him, and then I hugged Evan, so I now have third-hand Colbert on me.
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Regardless, glad you had fun.
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* Evan KNEW that kid, so afterwards he hugged him, and then I hugged Evan, so I now have third-hand Colbert on me.
...HOW OLD IS THAT KID AND IS HE MARRIAGEABLE MATERIAL?
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I AM MELTING RIGHT NOW.
TOO. MUCH. LOVE.
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(I love how our comments are always in all caps.)
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Also, that kid that got the hug.... Arranged marriage? Yeah?
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(and thank you for pictures! *smoosh*)
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Okay, some notes on your notes:
- This isn't about Colbert, but my uncle is also sort of handicapped but not really [in that he walks funny and has a cane, but doesn't usually need a wheelchair], and though my entire family obviously loves him very much, he is totally aware that we use him all the time to get the best places to sit for events like this and to go to the head of the lines at Hershey Park. And while it sounds really awful, you gotta love it.
- even though he, Stephen, and Jon are all total BFFs. (Guys, is anyone else rooting for a Cooper/Colbert smackdown on air? I AM. I need fake fights, and I need them yesterday.) AH THE THREESOME OF TRUTH. Seriously, I like to imagine they make each other dinner once a month or something, on a rotating basis. And then I like to image that they invite me.
- You heard the entire song of Charlene live and for that - and I'm only kind of kidding - I may never forgive you.
In conclusion: you are awesome. I am jealous. Stephen continues to be amazing.
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2. I have this theory that once a month Jon, Stephen, and Anderson go have a guy's night out or go over to Anderson's, away from the kids and wives, and discuss guy things while drinking beer, and then while Jon and Stephen are pleasantly buzzed Anderson (who they refer to as "Andy" and "Coops") gets all emotional about his boyfriends (srsly, Anderson, I will love you MORE if you come out of the closet, I promise!) and Jon and Stephen make comforting noises and tell him the right man is waiting for him, somewhere and are like "Fuck, I am so not drunk enough to be a girl" and they pass out watching the Mets get their butts kicked and are in a snoring puppy pile and Jon and Stephen's wives call them and wake them up in the morning in loud voices on purpose. Also, Anderson sometimes goes and has play dates with Jon's kids, because he tried that with Stephen's daughters and they just got crushes on him, which was awkward for everyone involved.
I HAVE NOT THOUGHT THIS OUT, STFU.
3. HE CROONED IT TO US, MARY. CROOOOONED IT.
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but again, this is something I've always wanted to know, or at least since he wore them (which was btw the week of September 15.)
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http://colbertuniversity.nofactzone.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=75&Itemid=59
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I swear Stephen will sing at the slightest provocation.
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Stephen just...gets more amazing everytime.
LOL @ the palin russian vision goggles
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AND GOOD GOD THAT UNIVERSITY HAD LIKE A DAY MADE OF WIN.
Anderson Cooper AND Stephen Colbert?
Love. And even if Anderson Cooper talks about how the world is going to shits, good god if he doesn't talk about it well.
I love the fact they both referenced each other too. It gives me all sorts of happy.
Aaaaand:
"Oh, Stephen is such a handsome man, if I were alone I'd be doing very different things with my hands"
... I adore it.
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