And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.

[chibirhm]

Apparently, I am the only person on the planet who liked Merlin this week. I don't know, you guys! I think it's my old people in love thing. It just kills me every time. Plus, Arthur! Oh my god Arthur. SO CUTE WITH HIS EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION AND GETTING ON THE CLUEBUS RE: HIS DADDY AND GIVING MERLIN ADVICE. OH REAL ARTHUR PENDRAGON AND NOT THE WEIRD-ASS VERSION WE'VE BEEN SEEING OF YOU FOR SO LONG, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE PIE, AND I FUCKING LOVE PIE. And of course Colin's just fucking adorable. Whatever. It wasn't an amazing episode, and as far as the show is concerned, they could do better. But I still found it an enjoyable way to spend forty minutes or so.

I have come to realize that my enjoyment of each episode is directly proportional to the amount of time Gwen is on screen with Arthur (or often times, on screen AT ALL), which is just a really depressing realization all around. I'M SORRY, ANGEL COULBY WHO SEEMS LIKE AN EXTREMELY NICE LADY, AND SEASON ONE!GWEN, WHO WAS SO AMAZING. THIS IS NOT PERSONALLY DIRECTED AT YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. As such, I'm just not writing about Merlin next week. Honestly, I couldn't even watch the trailer without feeling nauseous and shaking I was so angry. Is it lame that I care this much? Yes. But these characters mean a lot to me. This is my favorite show. And they are stabbing it in the face with terrible writing and I just... ugh. I cannot stand idly by and watch any show suffer under such treatment, let alone Merlin. If it was any show BUT Merlin, that is the kind of episode that would cause me to break up with it entirely.

I mean really. Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic. What is this bullshit? Arthur would never take ANYONE on a picnic unless there was A WEAPON POINTING AT A VITAL PORTION OF HIS ANATOMY. He's Arthur Pendragon! He has no ability to express his feelings! Hugs scare him! He still makes Gaius give him a yearly booster of the cootie shot! AND HE TAKES HER ON A PICNIC? A clue to writers! IF YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK, IT IS NOT REALLY WORKING.

So yes, next week, drunken (well, sober for me, I don't drink, but I might make myself a good smoothie) Season 1 re-watch at hermette's. And I will continue to hold to my totally ridiculous belief that Merlin/Arthur is like Moonlighting couple of this show. They are Booth and Brennan. They are Jim and Pam (or, Jim and Pam before they actually got married and had a baby). They're Ross and Rachel. They are that couple that NEVER GETS TOGETHER and is super-popular with the audience and the showrunners always swear up and down that they're just ~exploring their friendship~ and ~don't read too much into it~ and then in the series finale, bam! SURPRISE WHO JUST GOT TOGETHER? THAT COUPLE. I have thus used my powers of television deduction to decide that the J's are punking us, right? We are being led astray. They are playing our oft-bruised souls that have longed for the gay and been VICIOUSLY DENIED so that when Arthur and Merlin finally make out it will be like the Spanish Inquisition. No one will expect it! And Gwen is the classic red herring that 90% of fandom hates for ruining their preferred couple and 10% actually ships her and ~feels oppressed~ by the rest of fandom. SEE. DO YOU SEE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS TO MERLIN FANDOM? We're being played. I figured it out. Do I get a pony as a prize? Because I would prefer a sort of certificate of Trope Sleuthing Skills and for the J's to handwrite an apology. Or Bradley and Colin can come live in my room with me. I AM NOT PICKY IS MY POINT.

I have no idea what denial everyone is referring to right now.


THIS METHOD OF COPING IS BRADLEY JAMES APPROVED.

Comments

[liversan.livejournal.com]

Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic.

--- Preach the truth, bb. Let's face it, the guys who run this show have no shame in destroying Arthur. A man who takes Gwen on picnics is so emotionally stunted in every area of his life? Bitch, please. They know this pairing has no chemistry otherwise so they're resorting to all the major tricks. They know we go gaga over Bradley in a picnic setting --- that early interview this year where he's licking guacamole off his fingers. So they're putting it into the show. I mean what's left for them to do? They've now committed themselves to pushing this thing so far, I will not be surprised if we get a A/G in bed scene in the next season. It will be a fucking joke if at the end of this episode, A/G go back to square one and "No our love cannot be, I'm just a servant" crap.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

So, disgusting story that nevertheless is an apt metaphor - I have a tendency to get constipated. And when I get constipated and am in the bathroom for a long time, my mom always starts shouting in at me about laxatives and saying how if I push that hard, I'll get hemorrhoids. I feel like good writing is a lot like taking a dump. You shouldn't have to push it.

I am unsure what the hemorrhoids are in this situation, but am I totally immature on wishing them on the Merlin writers right now? Just a little? It'll make me feel better.

[liversan.livejournal.com]

No, hon, you're not immature. I'll join right in with you. It's probably not too far from the truth given that season 3 has basically been a big rehash of the last two seasons. Except with everything getting worse and the two main characters regressing.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

There have been quite a few episodes I liked! I liked the first two parts of the opener, and I liked last week, the first Gwaine ep, and the Crystal Cave. The goblin I could have left but was mostly just meh, and the rest... blergh.

When I become aware that I am able to write a show better than the people paid to actually write a show, it's a problem. All I'm saying.

[liversan.livejournal.com]

You're a pretty awesome writer, though! It's when the rest of us also think we can write better that they have a problem. Also when their mane (Colin giggle) man thinks the A/G is crap, they've got a problem.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! But still, I've never written for screen, and I don't think I'm better than writers of most TV shows. But if the writing is off for me on a show... man. That's like the biggest slap in the face a show can give me.

I think part of the problem with Arthur/Gwen, honestly, is that neither Angel or Bradley seem to like it very much. Angel rolls with it and is more diplomatic about it, certainly, but whenever she's asked where she WANTS her character to go, it's always away from Arthur. And Bradley... Bradley couldn't make it clearer he hates doing those scenes if he took out a billboard. If your actors don't have chemistry, you can't make it work. It's the first rule. It will be a constant uphill battle. But actors who have chemistry? The scenes write themselves for you. Heck, you don't even have to write scenes for them, and if it's two actors like Bradley and Colin they become laden with UST. THAT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE. Contrived romance = bad romance. It's just a rule.

[liversan.livejournal.com]

Contrived romance = bad romance. It's just a rule.

--- It's so obvious which is why it's all so frustrating. The other thing I don't get is why this wasn't apparent to them in the beginning? Did they not screen test these two? Also I never expected the writing to go downhill so badly. I definitely did not predict this is where we would be at the end of season 1.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

You would think if they wanted them to end up together, THEY WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TO TEST IT before hiring them. It just seems like common fucking sense, to me.

[liversan.livejournal.com]

From the interviews, what I have gathered is they wanted Bradley for Arthur from the beginning because one of the producers worked on DisConnected. They were probably ecstatic with his chemistry with Colin. They cast for Gwen the last for some unknowable reason. Probably figured that both Bradley and Angel were charming individually they would be even more awesome together. Realized throughout season 1 that they had no real A/G scenes, realized in season 2 that even with scenes they have no chemistry, and in season 3 became obsessed with the A/G to the detriment of everything else except evil Morgana. I guess given that they're so determined to hold out on the magic reveal, they need to write about something and thought, "Why don't we fix A/G?"