This is a totally valid suggestion that I would like taken under advisement by the powers that be.

[chibirhm]

(JULIA walks into kitchen rubbing stomach and pouting, brow furrowed.)
Dad: Hey kiddo, what's wrong?
Julia: My uterus hurts.
Dad: I'm sorry.
Julia: I just don't see the point. Why can't I just yank it out and agree to adopt children?
Dad: (Obviously thinking he's clever) Yes, but then what would you fill that hole with?
Julia: ...Candy.

Get on that, universe.

Ugh. Seriously, though, bad timing to get my period, universe, I have writing I need to do. Couldn't you have moved it up a week? All of last week my to-do list consisted of endless brainless tasks that could easily have been done while curled in the fetal position. I can't write about the shooting in Arizona or work on my short story (I thought up something that might actually be publishable, glory hallelujah holy crap!) or create a back-and-forth argument column with co-worker on why Kono is a total feminist and not just Obligatory Hot Girl Cop. (She says otherwise. Psh! Bitches, do not try to school me on feminism. I had Feminist Trading Cards when I was little. No joke! It was like a deck of cards my mom got me that was called "fearless historical females" or something that had a picture on one side and a mini-biography on the other. I just refer to them, however, as Feminist Trading Cards. Also, they would have been much more interesting if they had Mary Wollenscroft's batting average.)

Fun new discovery of the weekend, though - did you know if, instead of slathering your toast in butter, you spread about two spoonfuls of avocado on your toast, it tastes just as buttery and delicious? I thought it was only mildly better for you than butter, but when I asked my mom (who is so neurotic about health food you have no idea) she told me that was great because "it's the good kind of fat". I like that argument. I plan on using it the next time my mom is like "You're eating too many cookies!" Instead I will be like "But it's the good kind of fat, Mom!" and she'll be like "How do you know?" and I'll be like "Because it tastes delicious."

I love how this entry is full of so much irrefutable logic.

Comments

[viennajones.livejournal.com]

Poor thing :( ♥
Couldn't you have moved it up a week?
That NEVER happens. Eating cookies helps. (I support the good kind of fat argument!)

Also, Kono is gorgeous and hbic and awesome! I have proof.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

I have been eating leftover pancakes and using my dog as a hot water bottle. Also very helpful!

[frantic-allonsy.livejournal.com]

Hee, avocado IS the good kind of fat, which is why they use it in all the things. But I support all the noms, and when you're feeling gross the universe had goddamn well better accommodate you with delicious avocados.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

Well dad made pancakes this morning which I have been eating alllll day and telling nutrition to go fuck itself. Also, Ella is over, so I have been using her as hot water bottle. As I type, she is woofing angrily and pawing at me because have stopped petting her for five whole minutes.

[la-vie-chanson.livejournal.com]

The joys of being on the pill, you always know when it's coming.

But I've had numerous conversations with creative women about when in their cycle they feel most creative. I'm often the most prolific the week before I'm due.

Oh and I wholeheartedly endorse pancakes as a muscle relaxant.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

The thing is, I'm regular and always have been, but sometimes if my sister goes irregular I get pulled around. She just started the pill, which I think made her cycle longer? Or does it just happen less so I'm less influenced by it? Whatever, ever since she's started my period's been off by a bit. It was supposed to come next week. And my feeling is, if it's already going to be irregular, can it least be irregular on my schedule?

Huh! I've never noticed any difference creatively. I generally get so moody and easily tired around my period that any added creativity that might be caused by crazy hormones tends to be pretty well negated.

Though pancakes + doggy + nap = working pretty well for me.

[emerald-skies.livejournal.com]

I fully approve of this candy idea and am going to join you in waiting for the universe to get the fuck on that.

Also, avocados taste buttery? Huh, go figure...

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

They do! It's obviously not purely buttery, but if you spread it it's pretty darn close and equally delicious.

[alexi-lupin.livejournal.com]

But how would you get the candy out?

Also aww *hugs* Uteruses (uterii?) suck sometimes.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

IT would be a candy dispenser, obviously.

[adinfinitum.livejournal.com]

Fun new discovery of the weekend, though - did you know if, instead of slathering your toast in butter, you spread about two spoonfuls of avocado on your toast, it tastes just as buttery and delicious?
THIS SOUNDS AMAZING.

SO SORRY YOU GOT HIT BY THE CRIMSON WAVE AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME. I swear, it's so fucking unfair that we have to be slaves to our biology once a month. Okay, LOL WARNING, THIS IS TMI GIRL STUFF, BUT: for me it's not even having to deal with ~that, it's just all the funky dunk emotional rollercoaster rides my hormones put me on. IT'S THE WORST. One of my resolutions for this year is to show them who's boss.

On a heavier note...What happened in Arizona this weekend? I don't even have words.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

IT IS AMAZING.

And ugh, yes, I get the crazy rollercoaster plus all the fun physical symptoms of cramps/nausea/headache/fatigue/etc, etc.

I think my post would be on how this shooting totally wasn't about politics, except for how it was, you know? Like, obviously the guy who did it was extremely sick and I have concerns about why his parents didn't notice what the fuck was going on when every other responsible adult seemed to and did their best to get this kid help, but there were a bunch of my friends who were all HDU BRING NEOCONS INTO THIS IT ISN'T ABOUT THEM BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and it's like... no. The reason you bring them into this isn't because they obviously influenced him as a person so much as they created an environment where it wasn't as socially unacceptable behavior to go shoot someone. It takes a hell of a lot for a person to be mentally ill enough to think killing another person is okay, and looking at his online presence the indications that he was a harm to anyone except himself are pretty low, but when you put someone that paranoid and suggestable in an environment where it's deemed acceptable to literally place someone in crosshairs? Like, no, the people who did that are not and should not be held responsible for this crime, but they should take this as a chance to go "oh, I guess this is why morally functional people don't do this shit".

[sonicbookmark.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE NOT A PIÑATA, JULIA.

[chibirhm.livejournal.com]

BUT WHY NOT DDDD:

[eldritchowl.livejournal.com]

AVOCADOS ARE MY ONLY LOVE
my family lives off of avocados and tomatoes and french bread in the summer. 's a good life.


ugh ugh ugh my period just reared its head and it is the WORST TIMING EVAR. i was in a play tonight! i was playing a mean old man and it wasn't even acting at that point.

...i approve of candy pouches in lieu of ladybits.