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Why anyone is friends with me I don't even know.
Okay, so I have been warning you guys for a while that I am, uh, how do you say, a giant pretentious douchebag. I am like the most earnest of earnest hipsters. My honest love of things like Wes Anderson movies, indie music, and Chuck Taylors are only made more ironic by the fact that I also love Lady Gaga. My lack of effort put into being a hipster only intensifies my hipsterness! This is a fact I am forced to accept about myself.
So, Alex O'Loughlin, right? He's in Hawaii 5-0 and he's cute, but he isn't like, here are my panties, they are soaking with a combination of water I used to put out the fire you lit in them as well as my lady juices. And I was very comfortable with this fact until I saw this picture:
Now, I am still not attracted to him most of the time, but in this picture OH MY GOD HELLO I WILL CRAWL ALL OVER YOU. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY? HE IS WEARING HORN-RIMMED GLASSES. HE IS WEARING A CRISP OXFORD SHIRT AND IS ALL DARK-HAIRED AND BROODY AND HOLY FUCK, I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR HOT MEN IN PRETENTIOUS, HORN-RIMMED GLASSES.
That's right. You have read this correctly. I, Julia, am attracted to men, perhaps solely for the reason that they wear pretentious glasses. What has my life become.
I'm not sure if this makes my life dream of marrying Joseph Gordon-Levitt more feasible because oh my god, wouldn't we be so adorably pretentious together, or if perhaps it should be prevented because can you imagine our children? The poor bastards wouldn't have a chance. They'd come out of the womb wearing vintage t-shirts and quoting Kerouac.
You may begin your mockery, now.
So, Alex O'Loughlin, right? He's in Hawaii 5-0 and he's cute, but he isn't like, here are my panties, they are soaking with a combination of water I used to put out the fire you lit in them as well as my lady juices. And I was very comfortable with this fact until I saw this picture:
Now, I am still not attracted to him most of the time, but in this picture OH MY GOD HELLO I WILL CRAWL ALL OVER YOU. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY? HE IS WEARING HORN-RIMMED GLASSES. HE IS WEARING A CRISP OXFORD SHIRT AND IS ALL DARK-HAIRED AND BROODY AND HOLY FUCK, I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR HOT MEN IN PRETENTIOUS, HORN-RIMMED GLASSES.
That's right. You have read this correctly. I, Julia, am attracted to men, perhaps solely for the reason that they wear pretentious glasses. What has my life become.
I'm not sure if this makes my life dream of marrying Joseph Gordon-Levitt more feasible because oh my god, wouldn't we be so adorably pretentious together, or if perhaps it should be prevented because can you imagine our children? The poor bastards wouldn't have a chance. They'd come out of the womb wearing vintage t-shirts and quoting Kerouac.
You may begin your mockery, now.