quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

What I mean, when I say that, is that I don't really have anything to say but have a lot of links sitting at the top of my whatever that bar is called where there are bookmarks and shit that are going "YOU SHOULD WRITE ABOUT ME". So. Uh. Here is like a random list of random stuff? IDK. Mostly I'm just tired of these links hanging out, bored, and miss having comments in my inbox.

ONE:
So, I'm still not watching this week's episode of Merlin, but I did go look at the promo photos (which are the first Arthur/Gwen promo photos so fandom was all abuzz) and OH MY GOD. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm trying to take this episode seriously but AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not only does this look like a really terrible pulp romance novel (trust me, I know my trashy romance novels, I bring along one on every vacation I take to do dramatic readings of), but oh my god, could the two of them look less enthused to be there? Angel looks either bored or like she's finally realized what a great pillow Bradley's chest makes an is all "yesssss, finally I can take a nap". (It does look like it makes a great pillow, let's not lie. Call me, Angel. Feel free to tell me alllll the details.) Bradley looks like he's trying not to cry and/or vomit. OH SHOW. OH ACTORS. YOU AMUSE ME SO MUCH WITH YOUR EFFORTS. It's kind of adorable! It's like this video, right?

See, the show is like the puppy and the floor is like heteronormitivity, and poor show, can't quite roll over and get its paws on solid ground. Only this time I'm rooting for the puppy to stay on his back forever. So I can rub its gay, gay widdle puppy tummy.


TWO:
So it's not, like, a secret to most people that I am STUPIDLY IN LOVE with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. STUPIDLY in love. I've nursed a crush on him since 10 Things I Hate About You. (Everyone else was all gaga over Heath Ledger. I had my eyes on the prize. Also, I was fourteen.) But for a while he was all going to college and having unfortunately long hair and so he has only recently re-surfaced into my consciousness, but he has, and with a vengeance.

Basically, if I had to make, like, a baseball card like thing of my ideal man, including looks, he would resemble Joseph Gordon-Levitt to a frankly creepy degree. And this card was created, let's remember, before I knew of him and during the time he was going through his greasy long-haired hiding-in-college thing and out of my consciousness. All the guys I've liked? Resemble him to, again, a creepy degree. If I met him in a coffee shop and he wasn't even famous I would break all my creepiness rules and pretty much throw myself at him bodily. He is that much exactly my type. (I've actually been refraining from ever doing a meme like ems did of my favorite hot guys because they all look like they could be related. JGL. Colin Morgan. Iker Casillas. Sufjan Stevens. Seriously, look them all up. The only varient is how much muscle mass they have.)

This is so unfair, you guys! Guys in real life aren't as cute as he is! Or as earnestly nerdy and pretentious! And he makes himself so stupidly accessible via his various internet outlets so all those walls you build up normally against liking a celebrity are really hard to keep up when everything seems so possible. (Which, of course, it isn't, because how many way hotter girls are there than me attempting to ensnare him using those very avenues? A LOT.)

So, if Joseph Gordon-Levitt would not mind, I would like for him to stop going to Lakers games. More specifically, Joseph, dearest, stop going to Lakers games looking so fucking cute I want to tackle you to the floor. Cease with the stripey socks that go with my stripey socks (that I am wearing right now! DAMMIT JGL)! Stop wearing horn-rimmed glasses! Which are a giant fucking nerdy pretentious kink of mine! Stop having dimples! Make your neck less nuzzlable! Don't have such gorgeous stubble! STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU SMELL LIKE HEAVEN. I am attempting to quash this fantasy I have where we live in Cambridge and own two dogs (pitbull mixes and adopted, natch) and walk to the bakery every Sunday and go to all-organic farmer's markets and listen to records on vinyl and blog about it. YOU ARE MAKING IT DIFFICULT. STOP RUINING REAL LIFE DUDES.

God you are so hot.


THREE:
Ever since Sherlock has started re-airing on PBS I've been nosing around Sherlock fandom a lot, because, well, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are one of the greatest archetypal couples of all time. Also, Benedict Cumberbatch is ridiculously endearing. ANYWAY. One of my favorite artists of any fandom I've ever been in is pollums. Her work is so gorgeous and stylized and amazing I can hardly stand it. I am, like, in physical contorted agony over how jealous I am of her talent. She's been doing sketches every day for November and she did this one of Sherlock and John kissing and oh my shit. OH MY GIDDY MAIDEN AUNT. I can't, you guys. I just can't. I cannot even. I. I give up. On life. THIS IS TOO GOOD TO EXIST AND BE REAL. I CLEARLY HAVE DONE VERY KIND THINGS TO DESERVE SUCH BEAUTY IN MY LIFE.

BRB STARING IN ADORATION FOR FOREVER.


FOUR:
I'm kind of stupidly excited by the fact that Jon Stewart is going to be on Rachel Maddow's show tomorrow. Like, looking-forward-to-it-all-week excited. Counting-down-the-hours excited. I may have to wear restrictive clothing to not injure myself from flailing somehow. I might not even wait until midnight and WATCH THE ENTIRE THING AS IT AIRS.

Oh, who am I kidding, that'll fuck with my nightly routine of Maddow at Midnight. BUT OH MY GOD WHO HAS TWO SUPER-LIBERAL THUMBS AND IS EXITED? THIS GIRL.


FIVE:
There was no new Cougar Town or Modern Family tonight because of the Country Music Awards. Aren't those award ceremonies usually on the weekends? FUCKING HILLBILLIES.

ALRIGHT, FRIENDSLIST! IT IS TIME TO FESS UP. WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS FOR ME?



Okay, I know it wasn't directly for me, I found it when trawling tumblr for gifs (SO MANY HOMG! I now think I have a Liz Lemon gif to apply to every situation, which is totally necessary as Liz Lemon is my personal hero/rolemodel in life) and I found this. WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON. It's like whoever made this has been GChatting with me, because I've had a long-held belief that nothing cannot be made more adorable with a monocle. (This is actually a philosophical pillar of my world view, I am not even lying.) Before Tess died it was my LIFE GOAL to figure out how to get her to wear a monocle. I now extend this hope to any future gerbils I have. One day, I will get a gerbil to wear a monocle, and I will take a picture, and that picture will cause world peace.

Speaking of gerbils, I've been trying to put my feelers out for available litters. I miss Tess horribly, but more than Tess I miss having a gerbil. I miss the tiny paws and the little faces and the squeaks and the sound of chomping on cardboard. I'm pretty sure I could be emotionally ready for a new pair in a week or two, but I'd ideally like to get a new pair around the holidays, at the latest. I asked the breeder I've used before and who I would call with any questions, but while she has foster gerbils I can adopt, she doesn't have any pups or baby gerbils on the way. I'm really against the idea of me, personally, adopting already full-grown gerbils. I get so very attached and I need them to be around as long as possible, because it's too damn traumatic otherwise. And apparently, her breeding pairs are just not feeling the romantic jive lately, because she says they're perfectly happy and healthy, just not getting down. She recommended me to two other breeders in the area, and put a special note that one had just had a litter, but when I e-mailed that breeder she said "she wasn't breeding anymore", whatever that means - I'm guessing she's trying to expand her business and isn't giving away the gerbils so she can breed them, but still, she'd put the litter up on her website, which I just think is totally unfair and mocking, personally. I still have one more breeder to contact, which is a primarily chichilla breeder who I think only fosters gerbils, but I'm afraid to e-mail him and have him tell me no, because then I know for certain instead of just mostly knowing that I'll have to wait a while for new babies.

So I was talking to thisissirius about my dilemma last night at, like, 3:30 AM, because I've been having insomnia. I was telling her about how I'd been considering other rodent-type pets, actually, because gerbils are so short-lived, and I'd briefly looked into chinchillas, but they live on average 15 years. Most live into their twenties. And their care is extremely involved. If I wanted a pet that complicated, I'd get a dog. Plus I'd, like, enjoy dating someone at some point in the next 15-20 years, and it's easier and more socially acceptable to be like "I have a co-dependent relationship with my dog" rather than "I have a co-dependent relationship with a chinchilla". And then Siri was like OMG THIS IS WHAT IS KEEPING COLIN AND BRADLEY APART! COLIN IS AFRAID TO INTRODUCE HIM TO HIS CHINCHILLA!" Which I thought, clearly, could only result in the following exchange:

Colin: (pulls away from kissing, breathing heavily) Bradley, no, stop. I need to... I haven't... I think I should introduce you to Trevor, my chinchilla.
Bradley: Yeah you should.

(Several weeks later)

Colin: And this is Trevor.
Trevor: (chitters)
Bradley: Wait, this wasn't a euphemism?
Trevor: (scrubs face disapprovingly)

So while Siri was contemplating a meet-the-chinchilla scenario, I was pondering on the fact that Colin Morgan, in addition to being a kitten, a baby deer, Jigglypuff, and a host of other things, would also clearly be, were he a rodent, a chinchilla. I mean, look at them:



Chinchillas are extremely intelligent little creatures. They are beyond fussy when it comes to temperature and especially diet. They're nearly extinct out of captivity because they were almost hunted to extinction for their fur, which is extremely prized for how luxurious and soft it is. They're industrious and energetic, friendly, and kind of quirky. REMIND YOU OF ANYONE? Just imagine that little face going EHM, EHM, I THINK I WOULD LIKE SOME KYECK, AND THEN PERHAPS WE CAN EXPLORE SOME KYEVS. EHM. YEAH.

...and this is why, should you ever see me awake and online at four in the morning, make me go to bed.

And now I'm going to go do some dishes, and by "dishes" I mean "carve my pumpkin", and by "carve my pumpkin" I mean "Watch the Rally to Restore Sanity and pretend I'm getting shit done, which I'm not".