quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

Urgh, the first week back to real life after the holidays, why must you suck so hard and be so boring? I keep meaning to update, I do, but by time I'm finished with my to-do list for the day it's late and I'm tired and I'm like "aw, fuck it". It's been a long week of cleaning this and moving that there and calling that doctor and re-scheduling that appointment and trying to sign up for this class only to realize that's the one night I can't go so attempting to get permission to take this other class blah blah telephone calls blah blah blah. There's no way even I, the master of making ordinary shit sound fake-exciting, can make that fake-exciting.

The most exciting stuff to happen to me are the four following things:

ONE - I have been having cracktacular fandom mashup dreams. I don't remember most of them, I just remember that they were fandom-y. But the one I do remember was last night's, which started with me and JGL somewhere where he was explaining what the shit his now second-to-last tweet meant. (He wrote "THE TREE OF LIFE", allcaps included, which I spent a bunch of time puzzling over. Did he see a trailer and therefore was excited for the upcoming film? Did he get drunk on Manaschevitz and have a reunion with old Hebrew School buddies and they were drunkenly singing that horrible song that's been stuck in my head ever since? (IT IS A TREE OF LIFE TO THEM THAT HOLD FAST TO IT AND ALL OF ITS SUPPORTERS ARE [clap] HAP-PY! Sing with me, fellow Jews. I can't have gone to the only Hebrew School on the planet that inflicted that monstrosity upon their students.) Was he just drunk and putting together random words because he could? I wish I could remember my dream, because I just have so many questions, real!Joe.)

Then somehow I was in this game with BBC!John and Sherlock, and it was like an escape the room game (been playing WAY too many of those) but had the same rules as the dreams in Inception. But we couldn't kill ourselves because it would compromise the investigation. Only I kept ruining that by accident and Sherlock was mad and eventually somehow this brought John and Sherlock together enough to admit their feelings and make out a lot. Which was cute for a few seconds, but then got awkward, so I went to walk around, only to find Ryan Murphy had left me a spray-painted graffiti note saying he'd come across my writing on the internet, loved it, and wanted me to move out to LA and start writing Glee with him. And then I woke up, and Dearest by Buddy Holly was stuck in my head.

Qu'est-ce que le quoi?

There are two types of dreams, in my experience, the ones where your subconscious tells you something meaningful and the ones where it's just throwing all the leftover shit together for the day and hoping you just roll with it. This week I am clearly taking a hefty sample of column B.

TWO - So, Merlin fandom, this is coming out in March:

If I don't see every variety and pairing of Sim getting it on and Sim babies, I'm gonna be disappointed in you, is all I'm saying.

THREE - Two nights ago I stayed up until 5 AM attempting to explain American politics to alexi_lupin and mcgooglykins, which, as always, just boils down to me explaining the whole American dream/bootstraps phenomenon. And when I explain that, I have never met a non-American who didn't go that is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard. Because it is. And it sort of made me like, aw, America, why are you such a shitty country? Why do I still love you more than anything?

But then I was browsing the Best of Wikipedia archives to see if I came across anything cool, and I found the perfect example of why America is my favorite. It's because we have a Supreme Court case dedicated entirely to arguing if tomatoes legally count as a fruit or vegetable.

Is there any other country in the universe that would be that wholly ridiculous? No! (Well, by common law in Europe, apparently a carrot is considered a fruit? I am unclear on why, but wikipedia tells me it is for "jam classification purposes". Which is kind of a delightful explanation.) Only in America would we fight the Supreme Court for the right to declare tomatoes a vegetable because that's how they're used, and besides, it would get us out of that pesky tariff.

OH CRAZY COUNTRY OF MINE, NEVER STOP BEING ADORABLE.

FOUR - for no reason I can discern, my bosses bought and sent me S2 of Merlin. Was it for my birthday? An addition to my Christmas bonus? They neither said when I asked nor left a note/return address with a name in it, which worried me because I forgot what town they live in an was like OH MY GOD WHO IS THIS THAT KNOWS WHERE I LIVE, IS THIS DVD TRAPPED?!?!? Thank Jesus for reverse address check-up, or I'd have been full-on Admiral Ackbar-ing it for way, way longer. Also, thank God for the best bosses ever. Seriously, the entire disc set? AW YOU GUYS. THIS MAKES UP FOR MY LACK OF SALARY.

So yeah, homes. Crazy week! Because that's how I roll.

WHAT UP, SLUTS. Is that a good new nickname? I'm kind of feeling like new year, new fun nickname to call people, and I sort of, not going to lie, get a kick out of saying we all have a slutty relationship. As in, I'm your slut, and you're all my sluts. Re-claiming the word! For feminism! Also it's just a really fun word to say! I don't know. Feedback on this new idea. I could just go back to my old standby of "bitches and hoes".

Anyway in case that opener didn't make it clear, I'm in my lazy between-holidays phase, where like, I know I have stuff to do, but it's still the holidays! Eh! Who wants to mail returns and sign up for classes and do dishes? NOT ME.

Instead, I am doing some totally important things:

ONE: I was spazzing at eldritchowl about my ridiculous adoration for one Joseph Gordon-Levitt and how patently unfair it is when he uses emoticons because it's only the cutest thing ever, which led us to discussing hitRECord, and how it sounded like sch a cool idea in theory, and we both really wanted to try our hands at it, but had no idea of what we should do. (Though I'd tried putting some art up but had only received a tepid response, so I was more wondering what else I could do.) Somehow this idea I had to play around with the logo of a big red record button led to the awesome yet terrible idea that I should create a little intro stop-motion animation of the record button being cute and going up to a mic, tapping it, and then going "are we recording?" (Which is what Joe says at the beginning of all his videos and some other people do too - it's like the unofficial motto.) No problem, right? It'll only be like ten seconds of footage all said and done!

HAH HAH WRONG. While a lot of the hair-tearing over continuity and tedium associated with creating a stop-motion animation can be cut out through modern fixes such as Photoshop and copy-paste, it is still ridiculously tedious. AND I THINK YOU ALL KNOW HOW GOOD I AM WITH TEDIOUS TASKS - I AM NOT. I'm not going to lie, 75% of the reason I'm keeping with this is the stubborn pride that I started it and I have nothing better to do and how cool would it be to say I drew a video? I've never done something like this before! But then that 75% runs out and I keep almost giving up, but then every time that happens Joe (he refers to himself as this, which is why I've started to as well - I feel this lends me a sense of validation) will update twitter using adorable emoticons or tumblr about his time with Russian clowns (using a clown emoticon! I can't even. He's not actually a human, okay, he is a robot programmed to make other men feel inferior about themselves). AND I CAN'T STOP EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO PUNCH MY OWN FACE IN. I mean, there is a high chance he will never see what I'm doing or care, but what if I'm capable of delighting him? WHAT IF I MAKE HIM SMILE?!?! WITH DIMPLES?!?!?!? THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY, SELF.

SO IF YOU FIND ME DEAD ANY TIME SOON, I'M JUST SAYING THIS IS PROBABLY THE REASON WHY. FUCKING DIMPLES AND THE THINGS I CAN BE PERSUADED TO DO FOR THEM.


ngl this is by far the porniest gif in my collection

TWO: So I've been spending an extra-lot of time with my gerbils, because they're adorable and I can. Most of what they've been doing isn't entirely newsworthy - washing their faces, cuddling up and squeaky-snoring, the usual gamut of too-precious-to-exist things. Charlie has a new nickname (Marmotface, because he's got a very short, squat face for a gerbil - he looks quite a bit like a baby marmot), Gus is growing despite my explicit instructions, the usual. And then two nights ago we had lentil soup and, remembering my previous gerbils had loved lentils, I decided to let Gus and Charlie try some. And Gus loved them, but I discovered something about Charlie.

Namely, he is afraid of lentils.

Usually, Charlie loves to eat out of my hands and Gus doesn't. He trusts me, but he's an independent little fella. Charlie is clingy, Gus wants to run and eat at his own pace. It's just the way they are. But Gus LOVE LOVE LOVED the lentils. He was chowing them down like crazy and when he finished he'd just stand on his hind legs and strain with his paws open like a baby bird, all MORE MAMA MORE, FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME. But Charlie was hiding in his nest. And when I gave him a lentil he ran away. So I kept trying and trying and just dropping it near him and he kept running away, so I figured he just didn't like them. Fine. But then he ran up to Gus and started yanking at the lentil. Normally this would mean he was just being a douche and only wanted the food because Gus was eating it, even if he had the exact same thing. But no, he wasn't trying to eat it, because once he got it, he kept flinging it as far away as possible and squeaking urgently, as if to say NONONONO IT IS POISONED! POISONED! And no matter what I did, he could not be placated until Gus either ate or buried all the lentils. And he had similar problems with the split peas I gave him, though he wasn't as terrified of their inherent evil. I guess they resemble lentils too much, but he's slowly gotten over his fear and I even saw him eat one, so good on you, Marmotface. I feel you are growing up. As a gerbil.


MARMOTFAAAAAACE

THREE: I MISS COLIN AND BRADLEY. A LOT. This all started because I was like "I should really figure out who these Karen Gillan and Matt Smith people are even if I don't watch their show, because apparently they are adorable", so I went and was looking at the tumblrs of my friends who love them. And spoiler alert, they are adorable, but also kind of the most awkward people alive, like, even moreso than I am (and I can be pretty awkward), which I love. It makes me feel like, if you own your awkwardness, suddenly people find it endearing! That's very re-assuring. Anyway, so I saw that the person whose tumblr I was looking to had filed them under "co-stars who are totally in love" or something, and totally forgetting she was into Merlin, I was like AWWW, I LOVE THOSE, I WONDER WHO ELSE SHE MEANS, and then WHAM! BRADLEY AND COLIN AND THEIR LITTLE FACES. It's going to be, like, March, until we hear from those bastards again. And I know they're probably enjoying their holidays and calling each other twice a week to giggle over their stupid inside jokes and sending each other ridiculous presents and generally being boys, but I MISS THEM.

I've come to realize that my love for Colin and Bradley is a sort of variant on how I feel about my gerbils. It's a very maternal sort of thing where to me, they're lovely and adorable, and I just want to be around them all the time, and they make me happy when I'm sad, and I want to hold them close and pet them gently and tell them how cute they are and watch them sleep, and sometimes all that love just builds up and builds up until I just feel beaming and goofy with it because they're so cute omg. And their faces make me happy.

Look, universe, I'm not saying I want to keep them in a plexiglass tank next to my couch, okay, I'd just like for them to be around a little bit more. Because I love their faaaaces. Alternately, I would be satisfied if Bradley James got a twitter. That really, really needs to happen. I do not understand why that has not happened yet. He would be like Kanye West levels of ridiculous and unintentional hilarity, but sans the douchery. IN SHORT, IT WOULD MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.



FOUR: Lots of fic to read! And recommend! I mean, obviously, there is Yuletide, but first, before you read that, DROP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW AND GO READ THIS FIC CLAUDIA WROTE FOR MY BIRTHDAY. IT IS ONLY THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN TO HUMANITY PRETTY MUCH EVER. MERLIN/ARTHUR MODERN-DAY FIREFIGHTER AU. THERE IS A DOG. AND MAGIC. AND SEXY SHIRTLESSNESS. AND ARTHUR NAKED FOR A CHARITY CALENDER WITH ONLY HIS FIRE HAT IN A STRATEGIC LOCATION. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WAITING FOR.

Also, Yuletide happened! I do know a few identities of the writers (one of which because I beta'd for them) so I feel my recommendation is biased and thereby am refraining from adding them to my list. Just know they are out there, quietly spreading awesome. That being said, recommendations in alphabetical order! Hurrah!

( Recs for Anne of Green Gables, Castle, Cougar Town, Hark! A Vagrant, Hawaii 5-0, Jeeves & Wooster, and the Old Spice Guy commercial. )

If you have ever had an IM conversation with me, you know that during the course of that conversation there is a 90% chance I will, out of nowhere, burst out with "YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT FANVID?" and then rattle off some idea or five. Which would be great, if I was capable of making videos. Well, technically, I do have Windows Movie Maker, but even trying to cut together a few clips of my dog on that makes my soul weep. HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THAT PROGRAM? IT TAKES LIKE FIVE BILLION YEARS AND YOU GET SO MANY RANDOM CLIPS AND AKLSFJALKSJFLKASJ.

Anyway, after complaining to thisissirius for, like, a month, I decided you know what, I have a text document filled with ideas, it's the holidays, it's a week and a half to my birthday, surely something, somewhere on this list will inspire someone to make something. The ideas are free! All I ask is that, if any of these are to be made, please link me so I may worship the maker appropriately. Also, I'm gonna be updating this post constantly as new ideas come to me. CHECK BACK ON IT. I MAY HAVE HAD A STROKE OF GENIUS.

( Video ideas for Sherlock, Hawaii 5-0, Merlin RPF, and mostly just Merlin. )

ANYWAY. I'll get to the giant Merlin spam of both parts of the finale soon, but it's taking a long time because I keep forgetting I'm actually trying to take screencaps and think up commentary and next thing I know it's twenty minutes later and I've re-watched it and not done a damn thing because I'm to distracted by the pretty. MY LIFE, SO HARD.

What I mean, when I say that, is that I don't really have anything to say but have a lot of links sitting at the top of my whatever that bar is called where there are bookmarks and shit that are going "YOU SHOULD WRITE ABOUT ME". So. Uh. Here is like a random list of random stuff? IDK. Mostly I'm just tired of these links hanging out, bored, and miss having comments in my inbox.

ONE:
So, I'm still not watching this week's episode of Merlin, but I did go look at the promo photos (which are the first Arthur/Gwen promo photos so fandom was all abuzz) and OH MY GOD. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm trying to take this episode seriously but AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not only does this look like a really terrible pulp romance novel (trust me, I know my trashy romance novels, I bring along one on every vacation I take to do dramatic readings of), but oh my god, could the two of them look less enthused to be there? Angel looks either bored or like she's finally realized what a great pillow Bradley's chest makes an is all "yesssss, finally I can take a nap". (It does look like it makes a great pillow, let's not lie. Call me, Angel. Feel free to tell me alllll the details.) Bradley looks like he's trying not to cry and/or vomit. OH SHOW. OH ACTORS. YOU AMUSE ME SO MUCH WITH YOUR EFFORTS. It's kind of adorable! It's like this video, right?

See, the show is like the puppy and the floor is like heteronormitivity, and poor show, can't quite roll over and get its paws on solid ground. Only this time I'm rooting for the puppy to stay on his back forever. So I can rub its gay, gay widdle puppy tummy.


TWO:
So it's not, like, a secret to most people that I am STUPIDLY IN LOVE with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. STUPIDLY in love. I've nursed a crush on him since 10 Things I Hate About You. (Everyone else was all gaga over Heath Ledger. I had my eyes on the prize. Also, I was fourteen.) But for a while he was all going to college and having unfortunately long hair and so he has only recently re-surfaced into my consciousness, but he has, and with a vengeance.

Basically, if I had to make, like, a baseball card like thing of my ideal man, including looks, he would resemble Joseph Gordon-Levitt to a frankly creepy degree. And this card was created, let's remember, before I knew of him and during the time he was going through his greasy long-haired hiding-in-college thing and out of my consciousness. All the guys I've liked? Resemble him to, again, a creepy degree. If I met him in a coffee shop and he wasn't even famous I would break all my creepiness rules and pretty much throw myself at him bodily. He is that much exactly my type. (I've actually been refraining from ever doing a meme like ems did of my favorite hot guys because they all look like they could be related. JGL. Colin Morgan. Iker Casillas. Sufjan Stevens. Seriously, look them all up. The only varient is how much muscle mass they have.)

This is so unfair, you guys! Guys in real life aren't as cute as he is! Or as earnestly nerdy and pretentious! And he makes himself so stupidly accessible via his various internet outlets so all those walls you build up normally against liking a celebrity are really hard to keep up when everything seems so possible. (Which, of course, it isn't, because how many way hotter girls are there than me attempting to ensnare him using those very avenues? A LOT.)

So, if Joseph Gordon-Levitt would not mind, I would like for him to stop going to Lakers games. More specifically, Joseph, dearest, stop going to Lakers games looking so fucking cute I want to tackle you to the floor. Cease with the stripey socks that go with my stripey socks (that I am wearing right now! DAMMIT JGL)! Stop wearing horn-rimmed glasses! Which are a giant fucking nerdy pretentious kink of mine! Stop having dimples! Make your neck less nuzzlable! Don't have such gorgeous stubble! STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU SMELL LIKE HEAVEN. I am attempting to quash this fantasy I have where we live in Cambridge and own two dogs (pitbull mixes and adopted, natch) and walk to the bakery every Sunday and go to all-organic farmer's markets and listen to records on vinyl and blog about it. YOU ARE MAKING IT DIFFICULT. STOP RUINING REAL LIFE DUDES.

God you are so hot.


THREE:
Ever since Sherlock has started re-airing on PBS I've been nosing around Sherlock fandom a lot, because, well, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are one of the greatest archetypal couples of all time. Also, Benedict Cumberbatch is ridiculously endearing. ANYWAY. One of my favorite artists of any fandom I've ever been in is pollums. Her work is so gorgeous and stylized and amazing I can hardly stand it. I am, like, in physical contorted agony over how jealous I am of her talent. She's been doing sketches every day for November and she did this one of Sherlock and John kissing and oh my shit. OH MY GIDDY MAIDEN AUNT. I can't, you guys. I just can't. I cannot even. I. I give up. On life. THIS IS TOO GOOD TO EXIST AND BE REAL. I CLEARLY HAVE DONE VERY KIND THINGS TO DESERVE SUCH BEAUTY IN MY LIFE.

BRB STARING IN ADORATION FOR FOREVER.


FOUR:
I'm kind of stupidly excited by the fact that Jon Stewart is going to be on Rachel Maddow's show tomorrow. Like, looking-forward-to-it-all-week excited. Counting-down-the-hours excited. I may have to wear restrictive clothing to not injure myself from flailing somehow. I might not even wait until midnight and WATCH THE ENTIRE THING AS IT AIRS.

Oh, who am I kidding, that'll fuck with my nightly routine of Maddow at Midnight. BUT OH MY GOD WHO HAS TWO SUPER-LIBERAL THUMBS AND IS EXITED? THIS GIRL.


FIVE:
There was no new Cougar Town or Modern Family tonight because of the Country Music Awards. Aren't those award ceremonies usually on the weekends? FUCKING HILLBILLIES.