quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

Sorry my presence has been so spotty lately, you guys. I've been absent a lot lately because my depression/anxiety really exploded in the last few weeks. In good news, though, I'm on new medication (today is day 4) that seems to be working really well, so, hi again! I have been reading everything you've been writing, just not up to writing a lot. (Though I have been tumbling, which is because all you really have to do is hit "reblog" and then maybe write a paragraph of text. My latest masterpiece of language there was describing my longing for a dessert as "Dickensian".)

Aaaanyway, in spite of that, several boys (and one inanimate thing) that have been making me feel fabulous, so I think we should celebrate them!

Tom Hardy: Okay, I know everyone and their mother has seen this interview, but really, does anyone object to seeing it again? I THOUGHT NOT.

Between this and the utterly magnificent Benedict Cumberbatch interview he did, I've decided Alan Carr is my new hero. Also, Tom Hardy, please report to my house, I have some cookies to feed you. (What is it about Tom Hardy that makes me get all grandmotherly and sigh things like "SUCH A NICE YOUNG MAN"?!?! IDK YOU GUYS.)

Also, re: the rising star BAFTA grudge between him/Andrew Garfield - I wasn't mad then, and I'm still not mad now. I mean, this is why I didn't vote, besides that I'm not British, because they are both stupidly adorable and there are pictures of them on the internet holding babies and they both have big puppy eyes and crinkly smiles and rescue lost kittens (in Tom's case, literal, in Andrew's case, I mean Jesse Eisenberg) and seriously, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE. I CAN'T. I'm sure Andrew Garfield and Tom Hardy will both end up with fantastic roles later in their careers, win and be nominated for squidgillions of awards, and cause us much joy in our hearts and/or pants for many years to come. HEH. COME.

Colin Morgan: There are a flobbityjillion Colin Morgan things coming out because of his new play, and I assure you I have been squealing my head off over them all. WHO ARE YOU, COLIN MORGAN, AND HOW ARE YOU A REAL BOY. Like, seriously, can his mother please teach a class on How To Raise Your Children To Be That Polite And Gracious And Darling? BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW. And oh, he's just the prettiest boy in the world. I use the word prettiest very pointedly, I don't think he's like, the hottest or sexiest or most attractive in that sort of FIRE OF MY LOINS way, but by god, he's just so beautiful. HOW IS HE SO BEAUTIFUL. Like there are no bad angles on all those new stage door shots! None! He looks so lovely in all of them! It is a supernatural power. And I may be biased because in many of them he's wearing a Boston Red Sox beanie, and the number one way for any famous person to have my undying devotion is for them to cart around Red Sox paraphernalia. (See also: why I can never hate you, Ben Affleck.)

SPEAKING OF COLIN MORGAN AND BOSTON, I think I regretfully am not going to the screening of Parked that's going to be here. I was hemming and hawing all day yesterday, and I think I would have changed my mind if Colin was going to be there for a Q & A session or something (so I could shake his hand, thank him for being brilliant, and humbly request that next he do, like, a romcom or something, damn), but the fact is, I have a literal physical reaction to seeing Colin Morgan hurt or upset.

Well, okay, I have a physical reaction to seeing anyone hurt or upset unless I feel a strong disconnection of knowing they're acting. But there are certain actors (like Colin or Bradley or, and this is the one that's the worst for me, Joe) where I get too emotionally invested in their emotional well-being. I don't know why it happens with some actors and not others (there are plenty of actors I love love love and never have this problem with, like, I've been a giant Tom Hanks fan since I was very little, but it never bothers me when I see him acting hurt, and Tom Hardy I have no issue with either and we all know my deep grandmotherly feelings on him... maybe it's something with people named Tom?), but it's BAD with Colin. I can't even get through the trailer of Parked without feeling nauseous and my chest starting to tighten. It makes my throat close up and my palms start sweating to watch the end of The Lady of the Lake episode. OF MERLIN. Even after Arthur noogies him! I just can't deal with it. And I think seeing Colin Morgan get beat up and overdose on drugs on the big screen would just... it would be bad for my emotional health. Along the lines of when I was made to watch the tapes from the original Millgram experiments in AP Psych. That was a terrible idea. i was literally almost in class and shaking and everyone was like "SO I THINK WE KNOW WHO THE STATISTICAL OUTLIER IS".

Scott Caan: alkdsjflksdjf THIS MAN IS ADORABLE. Like, the hair is still worrying to me but apparently it's his thing, so whatever. The point is that I am in love with his nose and crinkly eyes and his polka dot socks omg they are the greatest. There's also a video where he's with his girlfriend and her dog and his daddy and he's adorable, my only complaint is really that FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SCOTT, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE GUM IN YOUR MOUTH? SPIT IT OUT, YOUNG MAN. JESUS.

Whichever Genius Made This: creativepseudo sent me a link to this NES-style game of the Great Gatsby which is THE MOST NERDY AMAZING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY UNIVERSE FOR THE LAST MONTH OR SO.

Though I can't get past the level with the giant eyes, so... help?

Fuzzy Boys:

HELLO, OUR NAMES ARE CHARLIE AND GUS, AND WE ARE ADORABLE. WE HAVE BEEN MOSTLY WELL BEHAVED, EXCEPT FOR GUSGUS, WHO KEEPS CRAWLING IN THE BACK OF THE COUCH, WHICH MEANS MAMA IS NOT HAPPY AND LETTING HIM RUN, WHICH MEANS GUSGUS IS UNHAPPY, SO MAMA HAS ORDERED US A WHEELY WHEEL, WHICH WE WILL RUNRUNRUNRUNRUN ON. ALSO, CHARLIE HAS LEARNED TO JUMP OUT OF THE CAGE, BUT HE LIKES TO CRAWL UP THE WATER BOTTLES AND STAND ON THE SIDE OF THE CAGE INSTEAD OF INTO MAMA'S LAP, BECAUSE HE IS SILLY.

YESTERDAY WE WERE VERY EXCITED DURING THE OSCARS, ESPECIALLY THE PRE-SHOW. ALSO, WE SMELL LIKE COFFEE BECAUSE MAMA GAVE US A BAG THAT USED TO HOLD COFFEE GROUNDS.

IN CONCLUSION, WE WOULD LIKE CUDDLES, PLEASE. ALSO, ALL OF YOUR EGG CARTONS.

SINCERELY, YOUR FUZZY OVERLORDS

saldfjdslkfj hello, hi, I am not dead, hi.

So most of you know why I have been conspicuously absent all week and if you don't, you can ask, uh, anyone else, and they will tell you. I'm not going into it because it's my work and I try to keep work and play as separate as I can (which is like, 95% impossible when my work is play), so yeah, thank you to everyone who's been respecting that, you are all magnificent and I love you.

But omg, completely unsympathetic complaint (well, not complaint so much as... venting?) time, I am so fucking tired. Like, I don't think I even realized how tired I was until I got home from my checkup and went to my e-mail and re-read one of my recent posts for work and was like "oh, fucknuggets, I sound so bitchy". I mean, in my defense, everyone gets bitchy sometimes, especially when they're tired, and I was doing like five things at once while I was typing that up, and I often forget that sarcasm cannot be read over the internet, but I only forget that when I'm really tired. And by tired I mean, I have been too adrenaline-crazy between work/my final yesterday which I vastly over-studied for/attempting to get Christmas presents out to sleep more than four or five hours a night. (Note: if I promised you something for Christmas, expect it for New Year's. If I promised you something and you are not American, expect it in time for Valentine's Day.) And thank God Bones is over for the year because I have like a week's worth of dishes I've been too busy to do sitting in the kitchen, plus I have to put in a laundry and vacuum the living room. Tonight. So for obvious reasons, I'm sort of eschewing the whole finale review/picspam thing for some later date when I am bored and Merlin fandom is quiet, and then I will be all SURPRISE! NINJA ATTACK OF MERLIN! And everyone will be all HOORAH HOORAH and we will celebrate jubilantly.

But tomorrow is my birthday, and you know what I'm giving myself for my birthday? A day of doing absolutely nothing. (Well, I will probably be finishing Christmas cards, and doing silly stuff like updating my fanvid wishlist because I have about five more ideas and one actually got made (!!!), but that's a fun sort of chore.) I will be lolling around the internet basking in the warm fuzzy glow cast by the re-ignition of the fandom squee machine, and then at night I am having what I consider to be The Formula For The Best Night Ever. And by that, I mean it will be me, my sister, my BFF, and my dog marathoning 30 Rock while eating Chinese food, and then the dog will sleep over curled up against my tummy. Because clearly, I am a hardcore party animal like that. You know what else I'm giving myself for my birthday? A GIANT NAP. WHICH IS REALLY THE ONLY THING LEFT THAT I WANT FROM THE UNIVERSE. Well, at least on my realistic wishlist, because I don't think that, say, I will grow three inches overnight, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt is going to ring the doorbell tomorrow and ask me out with a sidebar of marrying him.

UNTIL THEN! PLEASE SQUEE AT ME. ACCEPTABLE TOPICS OF DISCUSSION INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:

- SCOTT CAAN AND THAT PICTURE OF HIM EATING A TRIPLE ORGASM CAKE TO CELEBRATE HIS GOLDEN GLOBE NOM BECAUSE OMG WTF ADORABLE
- THE PETITION THAT SOMEONE NEEDS TO START TO MAKE SCOTT CAAN BE SHIRTLESS BECAUSE REALLY NOW
- THIS MUSIC VIDEO WHICH I HAVE WATCHED LIKE EIGHT BILLION TIMES AND THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I WAS SO HAPPY I NEARLY THREW UP FROM SMILING TOO HARD
- ALEX O'LOUGHLIN IS RIDICULOUS AND ADORABLE UNTIL HE SPEAKS WITH AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT, AT WHICH POINT SUDDENLY HE IS IRRESISTIBLY ATTRACTIVE AND I WANT TO HUG HIM UNTIL HIS EYES POP OUT LIKE ONE OF THOSE STRESS DOLLS
- BASICALLY ANYTHING RELATING TO HAWAII 5-0 BECAUSE OMG THAT SHOW IS LIKE A LITTLE OASIS OF GAY IN A BIG OLD HETEROSEXUAL DESERT
- FUZZY PUPPIES/KITTENS/GERBILS/COLIN MORGAN'S HAIR
- MY NEWEST THEORY ON COLIN MORGAN AS DISCUSSED WITH copperiisulfate: HE IS ACTUALLY ONE OF SANTA'S ELVES, BUT HE GOT KICKED OUT OF THE NORTH POLE BECAUSE HE WAS CAUSING ALL THE OTHER ELVES TO HAVE SEXUALITY CRISES AND IT WAS SLOWING DOWN PRODUCTIVITY
- THE WAY COLIN MORGAN SAYS WORDS
- THE FACT THAT BRADLEY JAMES TOTALLY UNSECRETLY READS LIVEJOURNAL BECAUSE AHAHAHAH, BRADLEY JAMES, YOU ARE SO RIDICULOUS I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU EXIST
- THIS EXISTS AND IS TRUE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY DELICIOUS? CAKE IS REALLY DELICIOUS
- SO ARE CUPCAKES
- OR PIE
- I LOVE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH'S FACE AND I FEEL WE DON'T DISCUSS THIS ENOUGH, BUT IT IS SO LOVELY SOMETIMES I WANT TO CREATE CHARTS DISCUSSING, LIKE, HOW HIS EYES ARE MAGNIFICENT
- I'M ON A BOAT. (DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO!)

You know what I hate? That part of Saturday that is pre-Merlin. I HATE IT. I'm just sitting around drumming my fingers, trying not to do anything so I won't be too tired to do my review (I have made this mistake before, which leads to sending in the column at 2 AM and lots of mental breakdowns and tears. I AM NOT GOOD UNDER PRESSURE), and NO ONE IS EVER ONLINE TO DO STUFF. It's like you people have... lives, or something. Or all you need to watch Merlin is an internet connection and a free hour. HOW QUAINT YOU ALL ARE. I have tried streaming to get a head start, but I can't get the sound to work for me, which really defeats the purpose.

Also, because I get a lot of people being all OMG YOUR JOB IS SO GREAT I LOVE AND WANT YOUR JOB HOW DO I GET YOUR JOB - you do not want my job, and there is a reason you do not want my job, and it doesn't just have to do with getting paid almost nothing. I, in addition to writing about Merlin, write about Bones. This week on Bones, Booth spent a lot of time with his new girlfriend, who I don't like, mostly because the actress is really awful. She's completely wooden, she looks like she could be his daughter, and she talks like her mouth is full of oatmeal. And so, I wrote a review to that effect. Now, in all the time I've been reviewing Bones, I have never been critical of the plot mechanisms that keep Booth and Brennan apart - quite the opposite, in fact. And in the almost three years I've been doing my job, I have never criticized someone's acting before. And yet, ever since I posted my article, I hav had my inbox constantly pinging with badly-spelled comments along the lines of "OMG YOU BOOTH/BRENNAN SHIPPERS ARE SO VICIOUS HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE HANNAH SHE IS SO PERFECT YOU ARE JUST A JEALOUS BITCH BECAUSE YOU WANT BOOTH FOR YOURSELF OMG HOW DARE YOU THE ACTRESS IS FRENCH CANADIAN (for the record, I mentioned that I knew that in an earlier comment, and that my issue was not the accent but the aforementioned oatmeal mouth) YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL AND DIIIIIIEEEEE."

So, yeah. Unless you are comfortable with this happening to you, you should not do what I do. Because no matter how bland and widely-accepted your opinions are (and really, I checked, 99% of Bones fans agree with me and are, in fact, way meaner than I am. I dare you to go to their facebook page), eventually you will piss off someone. It is A Given Fact of Internet Life.

So in conclusion, sometimes my job sucks, OMG I AM SO BORED SOMEONE PLEASE PLAY WITH ME, and here are some baby otters learning how to swim (NOW THIS IS A JOB I WANT):