quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

Sorry I've been scarce around the Livejournal-y parts this week, y'all. My good buddies crushing depression and relentless unflattering self-examination have reared their heads, and chances are if we have been talking outside of Livejournal it's been either all ME ME ME about various ridiculous things or about my gerbils. For which I apologize. I try not to be, but there are weeks where I am a crappy friend. In order to make up for it, however, I have compiled a list o' happy things which we should all gaze at and go OOH, AH, HAPPY and forget I was ever a douche.

• Rupert Young (aka, Sir Leon) SINGING MOTHERFUCKING SONDHEIM LIKE A BOSS. Guys. GUYS. I love Sondheim. I don't think you know how much. And Sir Leon singing it! IT IS LIKE ALL MY FAVORITE THINGS MELTING INTO ONE GIANT POT OF AWESOME.
  
  
• THIS PUPPY EXISTS OH MY GOD:
  
  
  
  
• Can Tom Hardy stay in LA forever? Because between the Batman t-shirt and the adorable bro-date with Leo to a basketball game (guys, my FAVORITE THING is when co-stars remain BFF), I am just rolling around in all this loveliness like a pig in shit.
  
  
• Because everyone likes pretty, pretty dresses can we discuss this spring's Versace collection? J'ADORE ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE DRESSES. If I do not see them on everyone at the Oscars this year, I will be extremely disappoint. Especially the first one. God I love the first one. GET ON IT, STYLISTS.
  
  Also, remember my fake wardrobe this awards season post? I showed it to my BFF and she was all disparaging of the blue Jason Wu dress I posted like UGH IT'S TOO BORING AND MATRONLY, and then, blammo, check out what Reese is looking fierce in at an Avon event! Does she look boring and matronly? I THINK NOT. Though I still think she should have had some sort of jewelery to pizazz it up. Reese, please have your gays call me for ideas in the future.
  
  
• Fun google searches people have used to find this journal, in alphabetical order:
  and it makes arthur want to stab things
  can cranky gerbils be made nice
  fuzzy little creatures dancing around
  gay guys want to fuck alex o'loughlin
  joseph gordon levitt pretentious hipster (I AM SO UNACCOUNTABLY PROUD OF THIS ONE)
  you girls who post bitchy things about other girls and the one who created that livejournal are the most awful things i ever saw in my life!
  
  GOD BLESS BINA FOR BRINGING THE JOY OF GOOGLE ANALYTICS INTO MY LIFE.
  
  
• HERE IS SOME GOOD, PRETENTIOUS MUSIC! First, courtesy of the estimable eldritchowl, I have been listening to Kate Nash's Kiss That Grrrl like, NON-STOP FOR 24 HOURS BECAUSE IT IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE, minus the part where the boy is in love with me first. It's more like, I think we have a good thing going, and then I find you are dating/interested in someone else who does not applaud their own farts, and then I feel like a douche. That is bad. But this song is great:
  
  
  
  I also love love love the new She & Him song Don't Look Back, which I swear is not just because Joe posted it on Tumblr. I actually first heard it when Zooey posted it on her Tumblr. ...which actually does not really help me in the being less of a hipster category. The point is, I am fond of this song. Also, can I just say I'm SO EXCITED that Joe and Zooey are all tweeting and tumbling each other all the time? Their bff-ness is, like, the best part of my day every time it happens. THEY HAVE DANCE PARTIES TOGETHER. I cannot even. Ugh, I love those crazy kids. Also, I am appreciating Zooey's presence online because it has lead me to conclude that if she was a real life person who it was possible for me to hang out with, we would be kindred spirits. She too adores TV (SHE LIVETWEETS TOP CHEF), twee things, analyzing old song lyrics and writing parodies about them (I would treat you guys to my rant on the Pina Colada song but its really better when witnessed in person), adores Mindy Kaling... guys, it is honestly like reading the twitter of my other, only slightly more pretentious half. DEAR ZOOEY DESCHANEL, I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
  
  

Also, a while back i_claudia asked me questions for that meme thingy, so, answers!

1. What was your first pet?
Technically, it was a goldfish from the elementary school May Fair who I named Sunny, but she died in a week. My first long-term pet was another goldfish named Tiger, and he inexplicably lived, like, five years. Even though he made suicide leaps out of his bowl. Twice.

2. Can you list three situations in which a plaid suit would be appropriate?
AHAHAHAHAH. Um.

ONE: Your name is Harold Hill and you are seducing a plucky librarian named Marian. (Crossover with my other extremely short sartorial list entitled TIMES IN WHICH BOWTIES ARE ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVES TO REAL TIES.)
TWO: You are over fifty, single, a tenured professor with eight cats, and have lost all hope of ever having sexual intercourse.
THREE: There is some sort of hostage situation that requires you wear it. Said situation must, at the very least, involve a gun pointed at the head of a super-adorable puppy.

3. You can pick one fictional person and one real person (from any period of history etc etc) to spend an afternoon with. Where do you go and what do you do/what do you talk about?
SHOOT ME IN THE HEART WHY DON'T YOU. I definitely want to take a tour of Hogwarts with Albus Dumbledore, so that's the fictional part taken care of. Who I would take I think probably depends on who bribes me the best. I WISH I COULD TAKE YOU ALL, MES AMIS.

4. You are running for President of the US of A. What is your campaign slogan?
SOMETIMES SOCIALISM IS AWESOME! I would lose in a landslide. But by God, it would be worth it.

5. If you were reincarnated as anyone/anything, what/who would you be reincarnated as?
A highly beloved dog who was intelligent enough to be trained to use the toilet so I didn't have to go outside, like, in the middle of a blizzard to shit. Best. Life. Ever.



ANYWAYS, how are all of y'all? Please leave your messages/life stories after the beep. If I am too busy writing my Bones article today, my gerbils will be happy to take your message, eeble at you, and then nibble at your knuckles.

BEEEEEEEP.

MY BIRTHDAY WAS SO AWESOME. I mean, my sister was feeling really unwell and was asleep most of the night instead of hanging out like we'd planned so that was annoying, but still! I have a very long history of very crappy birthdays, between it being so close to Christmas and being a twin (I mean, my parents were always great about giving us both what we wanted, even if that meant baking two cakes and cooking two dinners, but it's inevitable that as a kid you watch all your friends and your sister have a day that's JUST THEIR DAY FOREVER and you have to share it, and it feels sort of crappy, no matter how great your parents are) and the fact that for whatever reason, no one ever remembered it. It was particularly hellish in high school when there would be those girls who would go around with crowns and balloons tied to their bags and expect you to treat them like queens for a day and basically stop every class for fifteen minutes, and I would always make such a fuss over my friends' birthdays (once we bought a cafeteria cupcake and conned a science teacher into giving us a lighter they used for a Bunsen burner to "blow out", I never managed to top that one), and I would have to remind people for weeks it was my birthday and then whenever it came around they'd be like "sorry, forgot, have a big Spanish test and I was thinking about what I was going to do over Christmas break" and it was like lksdafjlksjdflkj ARG.

But yesterday! I slept until noon, I chilled out all day, the BFF came over for Chinese food, Ella spent the night, cake was delicious, I got Merlin season 1, How I Met Your Mother seasons 3 and 4, Community season 1, a cute little creamer shaped like a bunny, a cute little notebook again, with bunnies (bunnies are my "thing" in my family), and some big fuzzy PJ pants. Plus, sonicbookmark got me a year of paid account time! BB YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME. I WILL TRY TO FINISH A FIC SOMETIME BEFORE I DIE FOR YOU. And thank you for everyone who sent me messages! You all are too good to me. ♥

ANYWAY, SOME RANDOM MISCELLANY THAT DOESN'T REALLY COHERENTLY GO ANYWHERE.

UNE: So I was doing top 5's for my tumblr and had made all these pretty graphics when Ella, trying to get my attention, pawed at my laptop and SHUT IT DOWN before I had a chance to save them. TRAGEDY TRAGEDY TRAGEDY.

Most of it is easy enough to re-create, but the real tragedy is losing the one that was for Merlin/Arthur/Bradley/Colin (okay, they're all one giant mashed-up ball of love in my head. AND YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM). It took me SO LONG to find/narrow down screencaps and pictures that spanned all seasons and eras and it is too fucking much to undertake again. So, hardship of hardships, I think you all should reach down and trawl through your photo collections for your favorite (undoctored/colored/whatever) pictures of the boys being stupidface in love for me to put into a collage. The only requirement is that they both be in the frame instead of just giving besotted eyes to the camera, like I want it to be obvious to anyone, even if they've never seen the two before, that they're looking at each other like I LOVE YOUUU.

DEUX:D'you know that I can easily choose my top 5 gay OTPs, but once you include all my heterosexual OTPs, I get SUPER CONFUSED?!?! Like I was going to do two top fives, one of just gay couples and one of just straight ones, but when I went to list all my favorite het pairings the list just kept going and going and going and I love them all the same! It's not with the same ardent fire and passion that my gay pairings inspire in me, mostly because I don't have to fight for het pairings to happen, you know? They actually get together if I wait long enough. They all make my heart warm. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM, IT'S LIKE MURDERING BABIES.

TROIS: DON'T ASK DON'T TELL REPEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG WHERE ARE YOU GUYS, I NEED SOMEONE TO JUMP UP AND DOWN AND SQUEAL LOUDLY WITH. WHERE IS THE PARTY?!?!? IS THERE A PARTY?!?!? SHOULD I HOST A PARTY?!?!? AM I THE ONLY ONE EXCITED FOR THE INEVITABLE CELEBRATORY YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF GAY COUPLES IN UNIFORM HUGGING AND MAKING OUT?!?!??!

QUATRE: Did you know I updated my fanvid request post? YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT, HINT HINT.

CINQ: Jesus fucking Christ the cast of Community is adorable. I've been listening to all the commentaries and I just want to move in with them and we can all be besties. Though I'm unsure how I feel about Dan Harmon. He's a genius, obviously, and I agree with him on a lot of things, but he also comes across as a kind of giant smug asshole.

But seriously, why doesn't Community get nominated for more shit? It's way better than a lot of the crap that does get nominated. I'm talking to you, United States of Tara and inexplicable Two and a Half Men.

CINQ AND A HALF: Am I the only one who hates Jeff and Annie together on Community? It icks me out so hard I can't even describe. I still am all aboard the Annie/Troy train. I'm unsure how I feel about Jeff/Britta, but I really want Annie and Troy to grow up and go out and get married and Annie will be a social worker or whatever she wants to be and Troy will own a construction company and Abed will move to LA but he'll talk to Troy on the phone every day and stay at their house whenever he needs and before he makes it big live in their basement. THE END IT WILL BE AWESOME.

SIX: So I just realized the other day while I was doing dishes that Future Husband JGL and also probably Tom Hardy and Ellen Page are probably going to be at all the major awards events this season because Inception keeps getting nominated for shit! LET'S DISCUSS MY LEVELS OF EXCITEMENT! THEY ARE HIGH.

Also, let's discuss how hard I laughed when I saw the For Your Consideration posters for whichever ball of shit Twilight movie they're on. You know the scene where Edward proposes that's in every commercial ever now that one of them is coming out on DVD? It is so hilariously awful and flat. And oh my god, that ring is hideous. Like, even refraining from my feminism rant, how can anyone think those movies or books are good it is so mind-boggling.

SEPT: DID I MENTION DON'T ASK DON'T TELL REPEAL IS REALLY EXCITING?!?!?!

HOLY MOTHER OF EDIT: OKAY, I KNOW THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY COLIN AND BRADLEY BUT MY MIND IS BLOWN. HOLY. FUCKING. FUCK.

DO WANT RIGHT NOW THIS IS PHOTO PROOF THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN, OKAY THANKS BYE.

So I know I said I was going to have my ~ultimate both parts of the finale~ Merlin recap on Wednesday. AND I MEANT FOR THAT TO BE TRUE. But then on Thursday I was busy because I had a doctor's appointment and work, which I didn't finish. And then I was like "oh, well, I'll finish the column Friday morning!", except I forgot something: lately I've been sleeping like shit. I can't get my brain to turn off until like for or five in the morning, at which point it will ONLY shut off and I will fall asleep if I leave my laptop on and playing a television show. (Most weirdly specific insomnia ever?!) And then my alarm goes off at ten every morning - partially so I don't sleep the day away, but mostly because I've found if I don't take my medications by ten than the ADD stuff will keep me awake. Irony! But I've talked to my mom and consulted various doctors before about how to fall asleep easier at night, since it's always been a problem, and everything I've looked up says you need to set a schedule for yourself, including what time you wake up. Which I do! It just doesn't seem to be working.

The point is, I'm operating on very, very little sleep and the column took me the entire day to write. It was actually sort of traumatic and involved tears because I was so frustrated and really insanely overtired (I think in the past three days I've gotten maybe 15 hours of sleep?) Which is actually ironic, because the article was on the latest episode of Bones where Brennan also, like, doesn't sleep. LIFE, ART, BLAH BLAH BLAH. The point is, I'll get to it. Eventually. I'm not exactly worried, though, because is there ever going to be a point where you all are like "no, I really don't feel like getting excited over Merlin and Arthur's big gay love"??? I THINK NOT.

ANYWAY A FEW THINGS THAT ARE DELIGHTFUL TO TIDE YOU OVER:

( Involves pictures, cut to save your friendslist. )

CINCO
This is important enough to leave outside of a cut, so - I am not doing the Holiday Love Meme. I'm just... not a fan of love memes. They make me feel increasingly awkward. If you want to leave me some love, you are welcome to do it in this entry or really, at any time of the year without having even the slightest patina of an excuse. If you were really looking forward to what I was going to write about you or for any reason feel your holiday season would be improved by me verbally validating our totally awesome e-bond, please consider this my open invitation to request just such a thing without being judged even the teeniest of tiny bits.

SIES
...and now I'm going to take a nap like a motherfucking boss.

Man, Saturdays without Merlin are weird. I watched the Arthur/Merlin scenes put up online and I'm so glad I didn't put myself through the entirety of that episode, but I still feel weird for having missed it. (Though props to Monsieur Colin Morgan for making such a hilarious old man. Oh, Colincakes, when I think I can't go and love you more, you make it so I do.)

I feel so frustrated with this show, which is a really uncomfortable feeling for me. Like, spoiler alert, Arthur acts like a COMPLETE DOUCHE for the hundredth week in a row. Now, I would be fine with Arthur acting like a douche and being so fail when it comes to who he falls in love with and how he acts when he's in love if I knew that this was all feeding into some grand revelation he was going to have that he was acting like a total asshat. That wold be GREAT. If that were true, I would be cheering Arthur on to act like as much of a jerk as possible. But I know that's not going to happen. Hell, I'm pretty sure the writers think that Arthur is making progress as a human being/future king, which I honestly find a little worrying. And so when I have no faith, I feel like I'm watching them do a giant disservice to everyone to the point where it's almost disrespectful. It's disrespectful the fans, the character, Bradley, who's proven himself so capable, and frankly, the show itself, which is squandering its potential. Isn't Arthur supposed to not be a jackass? Isn't that his JOURNEY? And if they don't want to have Merlin do the job because that's too homoerotic, wasn't that supposed to be Gwen's job? That was the premise I was sold in S2, and all she seems to be doing is making him brattier and brattier. I don't care who the fuck does that job, at this point, but I need someone to. And if they won't let Gwen do it as a love interest and they certainly won't let MERLIN do it as a love interest, can they please allow Merlin to do it as a friend? Something? Anything?

This on top of the missing quest (which I choose to believe is not going up because there was no way they could edit around Colin and Bradley making out) on top of the deleted scenes that just came out, all of which explain SO MUCH about the episode and SHOULD have been part of it, is making me extremely irritated at the entirety of the Merlin production staff. Get your heads out of your asses, Beeb/Shine/The J's. I'm tired of having to watch all your failures and then fix them with fanfiction, which I can't even START until the season ends because you still have three whole episodes to fail at life. The episode commentaries for the first half of S3 are up, and I'm exceedingly disappointed that they only have two and that the Richard and Angel one is not only boring but for episode 3, the most boring filler episode of all filler episodes. Also, what a weird and awkward pairing, Angel and Richard. And what does Angel even have to say about that episode? Farting? Because that's, like, all Gwen does is fart and pet Arthur's donkey ears. How does ANYONE comment on that? How does anyone comment on that episode period? I'm pretty sure not even the most entertaining person in the universe could find a way t make that commentary awesome. At least the Bradley and Katie commentary is hilarious and delightful. I needed SOMETHING awesome and Merlin-related. So thank you, Bradley, for being adorably whiny about how all the knights have better hair and pecs than you. I needed that today. And thank god next few episodes look amazing, because I need this yucky feeling regarding Merlin to go away. It's deeply unnatural feeling.

ANYWAY, to distract myself from yucky Merlin feelings, I suggest we discuss one of the best subjects in the world to discuss, ever. Namely, hot mens. You know how there's this meme going around where it's a survival of the hottest thing, like, when you vote down the least attractive person out of ten someone's chosen until ONLY THE HOTTEST REMAIN? Like, the Battle Royale of sex? frantic_allonsy is doing it, and staraflur did it, and it looks like a lot of fun, and so honestly, I'd really like to do this meme. But there is a problem. I said this last entry and I'll say it again: when it comes to guys who I find attractive beyond "a very good-looking guy I'd say yes to if he asked me out on a date", I have narrow taste.

If we're just talking guys I find cute or attractive enough to make me do a double take or think "he's kinda cute!", there are many. Multitudes. HORDES. When it comes to guys I just find plain old good-looking (personality markers such as clothing choices or habits aside), all you really need is to be notably taller than me (at 4'11", this isn't exactly difficult), someone most people would consider vaguely attractive (like, I'm open-minded, but not enough for a third arm or a giant oozing boil), and are capable of general grooming standards. I'm easy. All sizes, shapes, and colors may apply. And honestly, that's what matters more when dating, just that you have a base attraction. And that base attraction exists for me in almost any dude who is relatively good-looking. You need something to work with, though, you know? I know from experience - my first and only boyfriend I thought was cute enough, but I wouldn't have looked twice at him were he not very, very interested in me. But I was at that age where I thought I was so wise and knowledgeable and above it all and what mattered was an attraction to someone's personality, blah blah blah. It didn't. It wasn't what ended breaking us up (that was more a factor of being fifteen), but it certainly made my end of the relationship less enjoyable.

But if we're talking guys I find just flat-out hot, or guys who make me want to fling my underwear at them, or guys who I would actually get up off my ass and proposition shamelessly instead of just giving them a once over and catching their eye for a smile, it is a narrow type. It is so, so narrow. So instead of forcing you guys to vote in a poll where you basically all have to choose from THE SAME PERSON (and because past these five hot guys, narrowing down the field of dudes I find cute is difficult - they're all cute, dammit), I'm just going to discuss the Five Hottest (According to Me) Dudes In The Universe. Because really, who objects to staring at/discussing pretty men and self deprecation? NOT I.

WARNING: BEYOND THIS POINT THIS POST IS NOT ONLY NEGLIGENT OF HOT MEN OF DIFFERENT RACES, COLORS, AND ETHNICITIES, BUT IT IS ALSO DEVOID OF MEN WHO HAVE DIFFERENT HAIR COLORS. ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST DEVOID OF ANY DIVERSITY IN THE SLIGHTEST. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

( HELLO THERE, SAILOR. )

Good News!: There was a guy who looked like a slightly smaller-lipped Tom Hardy on the T on my way home from class.
Bad News!: He was a total jackass super-blonde prepster who littered and was using the bars you hold on to during rush hour as monkey bars. Why did you have to be a tool, Not-Tom-Hardy? You had all that potential, and you wasted it. Or maybe you were just wasted.

SIGH.

Anyway! People asked for pictures, so! Pictures! I may or may not have spent the entire time I was resizing and posting these with this as my soundtrack.

What do you mean, it's not cool to have this in your top five movies of all time? It's kind of the greatest ever.

( Home, gerbil, and mostly my clothes. )


Edit: I make no bones about the fact that, as utterly stupid as I think it is, I read mean_merlin. I've found I like to be abreast (that word will never not make me giggle because I'm twelve) of what direction the crazy is taken, especially since they decided I was Kind Of A Big Deal. (This still cracks me up. Only on the internet would I ever be "a big deal". I have many leatherbound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany!) Anyway, every night, a few hours before I go to bed (enough time for crazy to happen, not too close to bedtime that if something makes me irritated I'll be up half the night huffing over it) I read what the cool haps are in Crazyville, and then I sigh over the educational system, and then I feel the need to send everyone Emily Post books. Me. Feeling that need. Me. The girl who says "nice one" after someone farts and then rates it out of ten like it's an Olympic event. Oh, internet. I love you, but you crazy.

Anyhoo, I went today and what should I find but a nice super-long discussion on the mean meme about my sex life. Now, granted, 50% of it was a) about STDs and b) so laughable I had to stuff my knuckles in my mouth not to wake people while I read it. But still, you dislike me! You really dislike me! (And thank you, anon, I agree, Colin and I would make an adorable couple. We could have socially awkward, reclusive babies with giant blue eyes who prefer books to people. It'd be great. If only I could shake that nagging feeling he was gay. Also, the Atlantic Ocean would have to dry up, but these are only minor details in the course of true love, of course.)

Now, I've learned my lesson and I never respond directly to stuff on the mean meme unless it in some way, I feel, will effect my job or is toeing the line of harassment, so I know better than to answer questions there and in great detail, in spite of my nagging urge to do so. Instead, I will say this, and this is my final word on the state of my vagina. Because, apparently, this is worth like (at least) forty odd comments and wasting a night discussing, and while I have no delusions that me actually stating the facts of the matter will do anything, let's pretend it will. It'll at least make me feel better about the whole thing.

Hello, members of the mean meme. What's up? My name is Julia, I'm almost 22, and I'm a virgin. I don't particularly care about other people's states of virginity, and I fully encourage people to have sex as much and as often as they want, so long as I am not forced to watch it. Yes, I have had people who have expressed interest in going out with/having sex with me, but generally they were either complete jackholes, not familiar with the concept of personal hygiene, guys who liked to harass me into incoherent anger as a form of flirtation (which, shockingly, I don't find turns me on), or glue sniffers. My most ardent paramour in high school was a combination of all of the above. He was special. Considering this, I feel my personal decision to preserve the state of my hymen to be a generally wise one. Thank you for your time and interest in my lady bits. Have a nice day.

P.S. As for the sub-thread on if I masturbate or not - ew. Guys, I'm aware you specialize in no boundaries, and I specialize in no boundaries, but I'm calling boundaries on this one. Whether I do or do not do the do on my doo-dad is nobody's business. In fact, it's skeevy.

I repeat, ew.