quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

My First-World Reasons I am Miserable:
Uno! Impeding period. Always makes me super depressed/anxious. This month, I got to have an utterly unexplained panic attack over nothing on Sunday morning that lasted for three hours. That was three hours of uncontrollable shaking, crying, nausea, and mind-numbing terror for no reason. THREE. HOURS. Do you have any idea how INSANELY uncomfortable that is and how shaken that leaves you? IT FEELS TERRIBLE. It's like your soul vomiting. Only more painful.

Dos! EVERYONE, STOP DYING. I could emotionally handle the gay teen suicides (sort of). But I cannot handle them and then Tim Gunn making an It Gets Better video where he talks about how he tried to kill himself (TIM GUNN, MY HEART IS DELICATE AND FRAGILE AND YOU ARE MY FAVORITE), and then JGL's brother died, which I know shouldn't bother me but really, really does on two levels. The first being that whenever he'd make these tweets or tumblr posts about his brother it reminded me so strongly about how I feel about my older sister, and then my crazy over-empathy parts get involved and I start thinking about what would happen if one of my siblings died, and he was thirty-six and totally healthy! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DIE AT THIRTY-SIX UNLESS THEY HAVE AN EXTREMELY GOOD REASON, LIKE BEING IN AN AVALANCHE, OKAY. THAT'S ONE OF MY RULES OF LIFE THAT KEEPS ME FROM TURNING INTO A PARANOID NEUROTIC MESS. (Also I feel really sad for JGL an his family and everyone, except I don't really know them or anything about the situation so it's kind of a secondary "oh, that's such a shame".)

Also, the couple whose cats I was going to watch while they went to Turkey cancelled their Turkey trip because it looks like his brother might bite it. Right before his daughter's wedding. And his brother is my parents' age. Seriously, everyone, less with the death! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

Tres! Second week in a row of gray and rain. Ugh ugh ugh ugh.

Quatro! I went to Target to try to replace my much beloved flats and they had these great shoes almost exactly like my old ones, but the 6.5s were too small and the 7s were too big. I've tried everywhere else - the local shoe store, DSW, Zappos... AND I HATE SHOPPING, YOU GUYS. I really, really fucking need new shoes. Why can't I just find new freaking shoes? And don't even get me started on my sneaker woes. All of my shoes are legit falling apart at the seams. Like that's not a turn of phrase, they are falling apart at the seams.

On top of no luck with shoes at Target, I also had no luck with finding bags (also falling apart), any clothes (red zone situation - all my clothing fits into one dark and one light wash easily, and the light wash isn't even full, and both of those are fifty percent pajamas), or the laundry detergent my mother asked me to pick up. Though I did manage to get myself eyeshadow because my old eyeshadow has been disintegrating everywhere. Woo...hoo. Clearly, a priority.

This trip to Target took up the part of the day where I was supposed to take the dog for a walk, too, and by time I got home I was overtired, cramping, cranky, freezing cold, and so instead I passed out on my couch for two hours. And then I felt guilty the rest of the night for going out when clearly I should have been staying home taking care of my baby. (For the record, I should not have, I just feel an irrational sense of guilt anyway, and I'm hormonal/Jewish, so it was semi-crippling. My dog forgave me within thirty seconds of scratching under her chin.)

Cinqo! This week's episode of Glee was so depressing I can't even talk about it without legit feeling queasy. Usually, Glee is my special happy fun time full of campy music and devoid of logic or emotion. Robin's boyfriend comes over, Ella's over, Robin's home, we all curl up on the couch and coo at Finn and Artie because they are too precious to exist and where were those boys in high school when we were there? It's good times. TONIGHT WAS NOT GOOD TIMES, GLEE. IT WAS TAKE MY TERRIFYING WORST FEARS ABOUT PARENTS DROPPING NEARLY-DEAD AND MANIPULATING MY EMOTIONS FOR AN HOUR. AN HOUR! EVEN FINN BEING ADORABLE ABOUT FINDING JESUS ON HIS GRILLED CHEESE DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

THAT MEANS I FELT PRETTY DAMN SHITTY ABOUT THE WHOLE THING, FYI.

Sies! Ever since my Fun Marathon of Terror, my stomach has been misbehaving terribly. The latest thing it has decided I cannot eat without insane nausea/indigestion? Apples. And sister and her boyfriend just went apple picking! My mother just made applesauce and apple tart! Apples are everywhere! It's fucking October in fucking New England! And I love apples!

Stomach, you and I are not on good terms right now.


YOUR JOB: Do not hug me! Do not pet my hair! Give me fun stuff! Happy stuff! Rec me fics of adorable boys in love! Youtube videos! Find adorable fuzzy things from CuteOverload backlogs! Write me comment fics!

Also if one or two of you could come over and do my laundry/the rest of my reading for class tomorrow/make it so I don't have to go to class tomorrow, I'd really like that.

Good News!: There was a guy who looked like a slightly smaller-lipped Tom Hardy on the T on my way home from class.
Bad News!: He was a total jackass super-blonde prepster who littered and was using the bars you hold on to during rush hour as monkey bars. Why did you have to be a tool, Not-Tom-Hardy? You had all that potential, and you wasted it. Or maybe you were just wasted.

SIGH.

Anyway! People asked for pictures, so! Pictures! I may or may not have spent the entire time I was resizing and posting these with this as my soundtrack.

What do you mean, it's not cool to have this in your top five movies of all time? It's kind of the greatest ever.

( Home, gerbil, and mostly my clothes. )


Edit: I make no bones about the fact that, as utterly stupid as I think it is, I read mean_merlin. I've found I like to be abreast (that word will never not make me giggle because I'm twelve) of what direction the crazy is taken, especially since they decided I was Kind Of A Big Deal. (This still cracks me up. Only on the internet would I ever be "a big deal". I have many leatherbound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany!) Anyway, every night, a few hours before I go to bed (enough time for crazy to happen, not too close to bedtime that if something makes me irritated I'll be up half the night huffing over it) I read what the cool haps are in Crazyville, and then I sigh over the educational system, and then I feel the need to send everyone Emily Post books. Me. Feeling that need. Me. The girl who says "nice one" after someone farts and then rates it out of ten like it's an Olympic event. Oh, internet. I love you, but you crazy.

Anyhoo, I went today and what should I find but a nice super-long discussion on the mean meme about my sex life. Now, granted, 50% of it was a) about STDs and b) so laughable I had to stuff my knuckles in my mouth not to wake people while I read it. But still, you dislike me! You really dislike me! (And thank you, anon, I agree, Colin and I would make an adorable couple. We could have socially awkward, reclusive babies with giant blue eyes who prefer books to people. It'd be great. If only I could shake that nagging feeling he was gay. Also, the Atlantic Ocean would have to dry up, but these are only minor details in the course of true love, of course.)

Now, I've learned my lesson and I never respond directly to stuff on the mean meme unless it in some way, I feel, will effect my job or is toeing the line of harassment, so I know better than to answer questions there and in great detail, in spite of my nagging urge to do so. Instead, I will say this, and this is my final word on the state of my vagina. Because, apparently, this is worth like (at least) forty odd comments and wasting a night discussing, and while I have no delusions that me actually stating the facts of the matter will do anything, let's pretend it will. It'll at least make me feel better about the whole thing.

Hello, members of the mean meme. What's up? My name is Julia, I'm almost 22, and I'm a virgin. I don't particularly care about other people's states of virginity, and I fully encourage people to have sex as much and as often as they want, so long as I am not forced to watch it. Yes, I have had people who have expressed interest in going out with/having sex with me, but generally they were either complete jackholes, not familiar with the concept of personal hygiene, guys who liked to harass me into incoherent anger as a form of flirtation (which, shockingly, I don't find turns me on), or glue sniffers. My most ardent paramour in high school was a combination of all of the above. He was special. Considering this, I feel my personal decision to preserve the state of my hymen to be a generally wise one. Thank you for your time and interest in my lady bits. Have a nice day.

P.S. As for the sub-thread on if I masturbate or not - ew. Guys, I'm aware you specialize in no boundaries, and I specialize in no boundaries, but I'm calling boundaries on this one. Whether I do or do not do the do on my doo-dad is nobody's business. In fact, it's skeevy.

I repeat, ew.

So yesterday lamardeuse asked me to show off my cool t-shirts. Now, I may not have a t-shirt that matches Bradley James', unlike her, but mostly thanks to Threadless I do have some pretty happening shirts. Please note that these are also, like, the only things with print in my entire wardrobe. I'm 4'11", okay, it's hard to find print that doesn't look like it's trying to eat me.

( Put behind a cut because it's a big picture. )

Mmm, t-shirts. I love t-shirts. T-shirts make me wish I were a boy, sometimes, because I really love them, but there are so many awesome kinds of shirts, and there just aren't enough days to cycle through all the kinds of shirts I want to wear PLUS all the cool t-shirts in the world. Boys have it so easy.

...annnnnd that effectively killed an hour. I really should be productive today and do some laundry and homework, and maybe some dishes. Except it's chilly, rainy, and Ella's snoring against my knee. Which makes me just want to snorgle into her fuzz and become a gelatinous blob. Ugh, productivity. I'll probably read court cases for class and try to stay awake. The problem with court cases is that while reading them I feel like "Oh man if this was an episode of Law & Order I'd be so riveted!" except there's something about judges when they write their rulings that makes them inclined to make everything as boring as possible. You could be reading the judge's ruling from fucking Legally Blond and you'd probably fall asleep. Perhaps there should be a new law that all judges are required to add some pizzaz to their findings. Or at least a knock-knock joke. Anything.

So my parents went to the beach today, and I would have joined them if it wasn't ~MERLIN DAY~. Actually, I would have gone and just watched Merlin later, but you know, I have a job and need to review it.

Okay, that's a lie. I'd probably be too lazy to want to go to the beach anyway. So while I am home twiddling my thumbs, I think it's time to be entertained my my friends-list. SO. FRIENDS-LIST. WHERE ARE YOU THIS MORNING, AND WHY ARE WE NOT DISCUSSING THIS QUEST IN EPIC DETAIL???

Bradley James finds the word "yonder" hilarious! Running from wildebeest! Wailing on Colin with a fake sword! Bradley James: method youtube actor when asked to imitate donkeys! COLIN MORGAN'S PERFECT PROFILE EXISTING. Captain Wow! Colin running into the cupboard! Ugh, these two, such dorks in love. I need someone to analyze this in minute detail with me! Possibly via fanfiction.

Also, please someone explain why boys like this don't exist in America. I would be happy to give up my dream of Colin and Bradley becomming my next door neighbors if only there were equally cute boys to be found around these parts. I continue to believe that they are not actually real people, but rather robots created to make other men appear inferior.

OH HEY HI HELLO FRIENDS-LIST.

So remember when I said I wasn't coming back to update LJ? I lied. Oh, I lied like a rug. Granted, it was almost two yeas ago so for two years, I wasn't lying! And I'm still not lying when I say I'm too busy blogging to write anything of actual importance or with any sort of frequency, but you know what I miss? Fandom. Discussing my stupid feelings on stuff that's mostly dumb. Memes. General bullshittery. Sometimes I have unprofessional, bullshit sorts of thoughts, okay!

Now I know a bunch of you know my real name and about my real life blogging, but I'd appreciate if you endeavored to keep this stuff separate from that. I compartmentalize as best I can in my own life and try not to mix the two, though sometimes, inevitably, they cross. You know what I'm talking about. The point is, while it happens, I'd rather it not happen all the time. If I post about something personal, it'll be friends-locked, and what goes in friends-lock stays in friends-lock.

So, to recap!

1. I blog about serious stuff, but not here.
2. This is not a srstimes place.
3. I am not a srstimes person ever, but especially not here.
4. Please don't make me be srstimes. I won't like it. You won't like it. It'll upset my gerbil. You don't want to upset my gerbil.
5. Sometimes I just want to talk about the fact that Colin Morgan is made of kittens and rainbows and omg wasn't 30 Rock awesome tonight and then I want to smash my keyboard and write a lot of exclamation points and have people write exclamation points back at me. I don't think that's so much to ask.

And I feel there is no better time to get us into the swing of things by doing that DON'T PUT ON MAKEUP JUST TAKE A PICTURE meme.

( Look I'm sorry but the lighting is shitty. )

So, uh, yeah. That's my triumphant return. Pellet me with memes! Or questions you want answered! Or... whatever!

God, LJ, I missed you. Let's never break up again.

So, picspammy is currently running a "Favorite Characters" challenge and when I saw that, you know i can only mean one person. That's right. The lady in my life. The light of my existence. She who I aspire to be on a daily basis. Elizabeth Lemon.

( ...and I'm lying. I had five donuts today. )

( My election day in ridiculous, pictoral depth. )

Edit: So obviously, Not everything went well this election. I mean, I'm cool with everything, really, except the gay marriage bans (and gay adoption ban, what the fuck Arkansas? Incest is legal in your state but HEAVEN FORBID gay people adopt a child? Fuck you.) The only reasons I'm not totally livid is because a) I don't live in those states and can't do anything about it, b) I am trying to be understanding, here (and if you are having issues, I suggest you read this) and c) at least in California, it's legality is already being challenged. Plus, Ah-nuld was really against it and said if it came across his desk he'd veto it. So yeah, for once, I'm glad that the government is ignoring the people. When it comes to granting civil rights, I'd like them to please ignore the crazy people more often. Thanks.

So for those of you who don't know or live under rocks or what-the-fuck-ever, I'm really amazingly picky about soundtracks to things. Like, really, really, really picky. Not only does it have to sound right, the lyrics have to be right. And not just one verse, all the lyrics. Or almost all of them. Because yeah, I'm really that big of a snob over soundtracks and yes, I do judge people negatively when they do not live up to my soundtrack standards. I have no idea why I'm so hardcore about soundtracks as opposed to say, morals, but I am. I think I judge people more negatively for making bad soundtracks than I do for them running over kittens, which is a pretty sad statement on my value system. It makes me mildly ashamed of myself.

Anyways, so back when I watched Juno and I, of course, loved it, I was really disappointed to not love the soundtrack. I mean, I loved about a quarter of the songs, but it wasn't right in a way I couldn't name. The lyrics were wrong and the sound was slightly off and it just wasn't right and it ticked me the hell off. So naturally, I decided, fuck the fact that there are not one but two Juno soundtracks (officially). I am going to make a third one. And furthermore, my third one will be awesome. Potentially the awesomest of all three soundtracks.

Also, it gave me an excuse to create a mix that was really super indie just for the hell of it, which, hello, I love to do.

Massive, huge, amazingly heartfelt thanks go to jlowe64, for giving me the Juno soundtrack in the first place, always listening to my bitching, and pointing me in the direction of whatever font or song I came whining to him about missing, whisperwords for being my wifey and listening to my pretentious ranting and pretending thinking it was hilarious, evergleam83 for giving me XOXO, Panda, paintmarks for beta-listening to the soundtrack back in the day when it was totally different and assuring me it was awesome, even though I ended up changing it completely, and to lunapluvia, for being my sibling-in-arms of twee indie asshattery, for introducing me to and subsequently sending me the entire Math & Physics Club CD, and, yet again, for listening to my ridiculous ranting.

Also, I would like to state for the record (record, hah! I'm hilarious), that I'm immensely pleased with how the cover art turned out and how I ended up not using brown and various derivatives of the color of really attractive poo. Go me! I feel I've grown as a human being.

( The Year In Review - An(other) Alternative Juno Soundtrack )

Before We Get Started; Compiler's Notes (aka, you may scroll past these, I will not hold it against you)

(ALSO, BEWARE OF VERY VAGUE SPOILERS, IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO ON THE INTERNET AND READ THIS WITHOUT READING DEATHLY HALLOWS):
So a caveat on this mix - I have never compiled a soundtrack so fast in my entire life. If you've never met me during the process of making a mix, I agonize over it. I literally have a Brokeback Mountain mix sitting on my computer that hasn't changed in years, but I cannot post it because, in my gut, it is not right. And I can't explain it. I am extremely meticulous and compulsive with my mixes. It usually shows. I also, usually, am extremely snobby when it comes to music as far as a mix goes. For me it's not enough for some of the lyrics to make sense, most of the lyrics must make sense. And on top of that, it must be the right sound. You would, not, for instance, make a Rainbow Brite soundtrack with Metallica. Even if the lyrics were perfect. It just doesn't work like that. Normally my test is "Would the characters listen to this? If yes, good, if not, delete it."

This mix has, against all odds, birthed itself whole and wailing to be posted. Remus Lupin would probably listen to two of these songs, if he listened to muggle music at all. It follows almost none of the golden rules I have made for myself in regards to a finished fanmix, and yet, fanmix was having a theme contest and I just couldn't resist. Though I did wait until the very last minute to post it. Duh. Instead of my usual method, I chose songs based on creating a mood, not based on the character. I wanted a mix that made perfect lyrical sense but had a very old, nostalgic, bittersweet, sort of faded yellow-and-scarlet feel to them. I wanted them to sound dusty and heartbroken and woodsy and sad, which naturally translated into "sensitive indie people on guitars". Which, yeah, okay, wasn't that much of a stretch for me. Anyways, while this is labeled a Remus mix, it very much has an implied "...and Sirius" bent to it. It is not by accident that a lot of these songs give a sense of "I'm with someone else and you're gone but that doesn't mean I don't still love you mostest." Because that's how I read the books. It just is. And don't ask me to explain the last song - the lyrics, to me, are like "omg yay happy puppies in the afterlife!", except I realize that it's totally just me. WHATEVER.

In conclusion, this mix is dedicated entirely to missmary for cajoling, encouraging, beating, suggesting music, and mostly being awesome me while I was agonizing. Everything remotely good about this mix is her doing. Everything bad about this mix is entirely my fault. True story.

Also, I know the moon kind of goes the other direction. Call it artistic lisence. Or come up with some deep meaning like about the backwardness of Lupin's life in relation to the moon. It'll earn you bonus points in life.


( And The Dead Are All Living - A Mix For Remus Lupin During the Second War )