chibirhm | Recent Entries

SOME THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY: A LIST

One- Merlin!
How is the cast of this show so fricken-fracken delightful? It's like it's their personal mission to make sure I grin haplessly at my computer monitor at least once a day. Like yesterday, the full blooper reel came out, which is all stuff we've seen but it's all in one place! I didn't realize until I saw it that 49% is Bradley James' amazing and stupid face, 1% is random shenanigans, and 50% is Anthony Head losing his shit for no discernible reason. I love that man's giggle, seriously. I love it so much that I just went back and listened to every commentary for Merlin he's done, because he spends most commentaries giggling and I love his giggle. LOVE IT.

Also, lest you think I've forgotten my younger fellows, today also brought us pictures of Colin in a dinghy (WARNING: possible spoilers?), which is utterly adorable because he has to fold all his coltish limbs up to fit in what frankly looks like the world's most unstable watercraft and he's beaming like a loon and seriously, Colin, what do you eat in the morning to make you this adorable? And finally, there's a new Bradley interview that absolutely cracks me up every time I re-read it. Basically, the interviewer's pretty enthused about the Arthur/Gwen romance and is trying to get Bradley to be enthused too, and instead he sort of evades and gives a one-line answer. But when asked off-hand about Colin? THREE PARAGRAPHS. Oh, Bradley. Bradley, Bradley, Bradley, how I love you and your completely unsubtle biases. I've always strongly believed that Bradley should insert himself into the Merlin creative team, because if he had his way it's pretty clear the episodes would go SWASH SWASH BUCKLE BUCKLE, SWORDS! BIG MONSTERS! GRR! ARG! [POSSIBLY MAKE OUT WITH COLIN AT END BEFORE PREVIEW] and it would be the greatest thing ever. Show writers! Listen to this boy! He's more than just really ridiculously good-looking.

Also! I had yet another fanvid idea. Anyone who makes me an angsty Gwen(/torn between Arthur and Lancelot/aw shit Morgana isn't my friend anymore/my dad is dead and my brother's fucked off/life is hard) video to This Woman's Work wins the entire internets. IT COULD BE SO AMAZING, YOU GUYS.

Two - Hawaii 5-0!

lamardeuse is a slutty, slutty enabler who should feel bad about herself for getting me into yet another homoerotic cop show that will tease me worse than a Chippendale's dancer and then never follow through with the gay. And yet, I got suckered into it because, well, you say "here is a new television show about two attractive dudes who are not-so-subtly panting after each other" and I am there. So perhaps I am the slut in this situation.

The point is, I was supposed to be helping my co-workers in the Castle livechat and am I doing that now? No. No, I am watching Hawaii 5-0 and flapping my hands because oh my god, you guys, I swear, they really are going to make during sweeps. Really. I have no other logical explanation for what is happening on my television screen. I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS. MOST OF THEM ARE GAY FEELINGS, BUT SOME OF THEM ARE ALSO ABOUT HOW GRACE PARK IS STUPIDLY GOOD-LOOKING. And positive portrayals (mostly) of people of color! Non-stale storylines! Cultural exploration in a respectful way! DID I MENTION THAT STEVE AND DANNY ARE LIKE TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM DOING IT?!?!?

ANYWAY. Last night's episode was all sorts of amazing and I have pretty much spent the entire night e-mailing everyone I know and making squeaking noises at

sonicbookmark, because! Because! Danny was so jealous and Steve was so smitten and alksjflksdjf. And did you guys realize that Steve's house is now totally wrecked, plus a crime scene, so Steve can't stay there. Which means, obviously, he needs somewhere more permanent to stay than a hotel. Which means he is TOTALLY CRASHING AT DANNY'S. And Danny's lest we forget, is a tiny apartment with only a pull-out couch to sleep on. Which of course Steve will worm his way into. And then sex will happen. In fact, we will probably open on this very scene next week. I am taking bets. Like, right now.

In conclusion: HAWAII'S FLAG - IT'S A RAINBOW FOR A FUCKING REASON.

Three - Tina Fey exists!
So you all now how Tina Fey is my role model in life, right? Well she just became the third-ever woman to win the Mark Twain Prize for humor, and then she gave a kickass acceptance speech, and basically, I still want to go to there.

( SHERLOCK! It just has a lot of youtube videos so I'm cutting this. )

EDIT EDIT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EDIT!!!!! GUYS GUYS OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. I was literally JUST hitting the post button when

puckling IMed me like SHIT STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW AND GO LOOK AT THE NEW MERLIN PROMO PIC so I did and HOLY FUCK KNIGHTS OF THE TOTALLY HOTASS ROUND TABLE. DO NOT WALK, RUN TO GO SEE IT. LOOK, I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH A LINK:

CLICK FOR OVERWHELMING HOTASSERY.

SERIOUSLY I OPENED THE HI-RES PICTURE AND IT WAS SO SEXY IT DISCONNECTED MY INTERNET FOR A MINUTE THERE.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN. THIS IS WHY I CAN NEVER, EVER, EVER QUIT YOU, SHOW.

I'm not sure what the "that" is, but I just felt like quoting Meatloaf because, really, is there a bad time to quote Meatloaf?

Anyway, I was bored this morning and I'm still super cranky over the lack of quest (WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK, BEEB), so I decided that instead of cleaning my room, I was going to transcribe the best bits of just uploaded commentaries. And by commentaries, I just mean the Bradley and Katie one, because the Richard and Angel one was boring as all hell. Honestly, I feel like they got the short end of the stick. Really? THAT episode? The only way that anyone could have anything to say about that episode is if one of them went "and this is the scene where I found Bradley and Colin making out behind the set..." or something. I make no claims to the absolute word-for-word accuracy of these quotes, since Katie and Bradley both talk over each other and I didn't write in every time they interrupted the other just to go "yeah" or something, but I kept it as close as possible. Why? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT'S WHY.

( In which Bradley and Katie sound remarkably like punchy siblings stuck in the car together for too many hours. )

OH, THEM.

Man, Saturdays without Merlin are weird. I watched the Arthur/Merlin scenes put up online and I'm so glad I didn't put myself through the entirety of that episode, but I still feel weird for having missed it. (Though props to Monsieur Colin Morgan for making such a hilarious old man. Oh, Colincakes, when I think I can't go and love you more, you make it so I do.)

I feel so frustrated with this show, which is a really uncomfortable feeling for me. Like, spoiler alert, Arthur acts like a COMPLETE DOUCHE for the hundredth week in a row. Now, I would be fine with Arthur acting like a douche and being so fail when it comes to who he falls in love with and how he acts when he's in love if I knew that this was all feeding into some grand revelation he was going to have that he was acting like a total asshat. That wold be GREAT. If that were true, I would be cheering Arthur on to act like as much of a jerk as possible. But I know that's not going to happen. Hell, I'm pretty sure the writers think that Arthur is making progress as a human being/future king, which I honestly find a little worrying. And so when I have no faith, I feel like I'm watching them do a giant disservice to everyone to the point where it's almost disrespectful. It's disrespectful the fans, the character, Bradley, who's proven himself so capable, and frankly, the show itself, which is squandering its potential. Isn't Arthur supposed to not be a jackass? Isn't that his JOURNEY? And if they don't want to have Merlin do the job because that's too homoerotic, wasn't that supposed to be Gwen's job? That was the premise I was sold in S2, and all she seems to be doing is making him brattier and brattier. I don't care who the fuck does that job, at this point, but I need someone to. And if they won't let Gwen do it as a love interest and they certainly won't let MERLIN do it as a love interest, can they please allow Merlin to do it as a friend? Something? Anything?

This on top of the missing quest (which I choose to believe is not going up because there was no way they could edit around Colin and Bradley making out) on top of the deleted scenes that just came out, all of which explain SO MUCH about the episode and SHOULD have been part of it, is making me extremely irritated at the entirety of the Merlin production staff. Get your heads out of your asses, Beeb/Shine/The J's. I'm tired of having to watch all your failures and then fix them with fanfiction, which I can't even START until the season ends because you still have three whole episodes to fail at life. The episode commentaries for the first half of S3 are up, and I'm exceedingly disappointed that they only have two and that the Richard and Angel one is not only boring but for episode 3, the most boring filler episode of all filler episodes. Also, what a weird and awkward pairing, Angel and Richard. And what does Angel even have to say about that episode? Farting? Because that's, like, all Gwen does is fart and pet Arthur's donkey ears. How does ANYONE comment on that? How does anyone comment on that episode period? I'm pretty sure not even the most entertaining person in the universe could find a way t make that commentary awesome. At least the Bradley and Katie commentary is hilarious and delightful. I needed SOMETHING awesome and Merlin-related. So thank you, Bradley, for being adorably whiny about how all the knights have better hair and pecs than you. I needed that today. And thank god next few episodes look amazing, because I need this yucky feeling regarding Merlin to go away. It's deeply unnatural feeling.

ANYWAY, to distract myself from yucky Merlin feelings, I suggest we discuss one of the best subjects in the world to discuss, ever. Namely, hot mens. You know how there's this meme going around where it's a survival of the hottest thing, like, when you vote down the least attractive person out of ten someone's chosen until ONLY THE HOTTEST REMAIN? Like, the Battle Royale of sex?

frantic_allonsy is doing it, and

staraflur did it, and it looks like a lot of fun, and so honestly, I'd really like to do this meme. But there is a problem. I said this last entry and I'll say it again: when it comes to guys who I find attractive beyond "a very good-looking guy I'd say yes to if he asked me out on a date", I have narrow taste.

If we're just talking guys I find cute or attractive enough to make me do a double take or think "he's kinda cute!", there are many. Multitudes. HORDES. When it comes to guys I just find plain old good-looking (personality markers such as clothing choices or habits aside), all you really need is to be notably taller than me (at 4'11", this isn't exactly difficult), someone most people would consider vaguely attractive (like, I'm open-minded, but not enough for a third arm or a giant oozing boil), and are capable of general grooming standards. I'm easy. All sizes, shapes, and colors may apply. And honestly, that's what matters more when dating, just that you have a base attraction. And that base attraction exists for me in almost any dude who is relatively good-looking. You need something to work with, though, you know? I know from experience - my first and only boyfriend I thought was cute enough, but I wouldn't have looked twice at him were he not very, very interested in me. But I was at that age where I thought I was so wise and knowledgeable and above it all and what mattered was an attraction to someone's personality, blah blah blah. It didn't. It wasn't what ended breaking us up (that was more a factor of being fifteen), but it certainly made my end of the relationship less enjoyable.

But if we're talking guys I find just flat-out hot, or guys who make me want to fling my underwear at them, or guys who I would actually get up off my ass and proposition shamelessly instead of just giving them a once over and catching their eye for a smile, it is a narrow type. It is so, so narrow. So instead of forcing you guys to vote in a poll where you basically all have to choose from THE SAME PERSON (and because past these five hot guys, narrowing down the field of dudes I find cute is difficult - they're all cute, dammit), I'm just going to discuss the Five Hottest (According to Me) Dudes In The Universe. Because really, who objects to staring at/discussing pretty men and self deprecation? NOT I.

WARNING: BEYOND THIS POINT THIS POST IS NOT ONLY NEGLIGENT OF HOT MEN OF DIFFERENT RACES, COLORS, AND ETHNICITIES, BUT IT IS ALSO DEVOID OF MEN WHO HAVE DIFFERENT HAIR COLORS. ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST DEVOID OF ANY DIVERSITY IN THE SLIGHTEST. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

( HELLO THERE, SAILOR. )

What I mean, when I say that, is that I don't really have anything to say but have a lot of links sitting at the top of my whatever that bar is called where there are bookmarks and shit that are going "YOU SHOULD WRITE ABOUT ME". So. Uh. Here is like a random list of random stuff? IDK. Mostly I'm just tired of these links hanging out, bored, and miss having comments in my inbox.

ONE:
So, I'm still not watching this week's episode of Merlin, but I did go look at the promo photos (which are the first Arthur/Gwen promo photos so fandom was all abuzz) and OH MY GOD. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm trying to take this episode seriously but AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not only does this look like a really terrible pulp romance novel (trust me, I know my trashy romance novels, I bring along one on every vacation I take to do dramatic readings of), but oh my god, could the two of them look less enthused to be there? Angel looks either bored or like she's finally realized what a great pillow Bradley's chest makes an is all "yesssss, finally I can take a nap". (It does look like it makes a great pillow, let's not lie. Call me, Angel. Feel free to tell me alllll the details.) Bradley looks like he's trying not to cry and/or vomit. OH SHOW. OH ACTORS. YOU AMUSE ME SO MUCH WITH YOUR EFFORTS. It's kind of adorable! It's like this video, right?

See, the show is like the puppy and the floor is like heteronormitivity, and poor show, can't quite roll over and get its paws on solid ground. Only this time I'm rooting for the puppy to stay on his back forever. So I can rub its gay, gay widdle puppy tummy.

TWO:
So it's not, like, a secret to most people that I am STUPIDLY IN LOVE with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. STUPIDLY in love. I've nursed a crush on him since 10 Things I Hate About You. (Everyone else was all gaga over Heath Ledger. I had my eyes on the prize. Also, I was fourteen.) But for a while he was all going to college and having unfortunately long hair and so he has only recently re-surfaced into my consciousness, but he has, and with a vengeance.

Basically, if I had to make, like, a baseball card like thing of my ideal man, including looks, he would resemble Joseph Gordon-Levitt to a frankly creepy degree. And this card was created, let's remember, before I knew of him and during the time he was going through his greasy long-haired hiding-in-college thing and out of my consciousness. All the guys I've liked? Resemble him to, again, a creepy degree. If I met him in a coffee shop and he wasn't even famous I would break all my creepiness rules and pretty much throw myself at him bodily. He is that much exactly my type. (I've actually been refraining from ever doing a meme like

ems did of my favorite hot guys because they all look like they could be related. JGL. Colin Morgan. Iker Casillas. Sufjan Stevens. Seriously, look them all up. The only varient is how much muscle mass they have.)

This is so unfair, you guys! Guys in real life aren't as cute as he is! Or as earnestly nerdy and pretentious! And he makes himself so stupidly accessible via his various internet outlets so all those walls you build up normally against liking a celebrity are really hard to keep up when everything seems so possible. (Which, of course, it isn't, because how many way hotter girls are there than me attempting to ensnare him using those very avenues? A LOT.)

So, if Joseph Gordon-Levitt would not mind, I would like for him to stop going to Lakers games. More specifically, Joseph, dearest, stop going to Lakers games looking so fucking cute I want to tackle you to the floor. Cease with the stripey socks that go with my stripey socks (that I am wearing right now! DAMMIT JGL)! Stop wearing horn-rimmed glasses! Which are a giant fucking nerdy pretentious kink of mine! Stop having dimples! Make your neck less nuzzlable! Don't have such gorgeous stubble! STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU SMELL LIKE HEAVEN. I am attempting to quash this fantasy I have where we live in Cambridge and own two dogs (pitbull mixes and adopted, natch) and walk to the bakery every Sunday and go to all-organic farmer's markets and listen to records on vinyl and blog about it. YOU ARE MAKING IT DIFFICULT. STOP RUINING REAL LIFE DUDES.

God you are so hot.

THREE:
Ever since Sherlock has started re-airing on PBS I've been nosing around Sherlock fandom a lot, because, well, John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are one of the greatest archetypal couples of all time. Also, Benedict Cumberbatch is ridiculously endearing. ANYWAY. One of my favorite artists of any fandom I've ever been in is

pollums. Her work is so gorgeous and stylized and amazing I can hardly stand it. I am, like, in physical contorted agony over how jealous I am of her talent. She's been doing sketches every day for November and she did this one of Sherlock and John kissing and oh my shit. OH MY GIDDY MAIDEN AUNT. I can't, you guys. I just can't. I cannot even. I. I give up. On life. THIS IS TOO GOOD TO EXIST AND BE REAL. I CLEARLY HAVE DONE VERY KIND THINGS TO DESERVE SUCH BEAUTY IN MY LIFE.

BRB STARING IN ADORATION FOR FOREVER.

FOUR:
I'm kind of stupidly excited by the fact that Jon Stewart is going to be on Rachel Maddow's show tomorrow. Like, looking-forward-to-it-all-week excited. Counting-down-the-hours excited. I may have to wear restrictive clothing to not injure myself from flailing somehow. I might not even wait until midnight and WATCH THE ENTIRE THING AS IT AIRS.

Oh, who am I kidding, that'll fuck with my nightly routine of Maddow at Midnight. BUT OH MY GOD WHO HAS TWO SUPER-LIBERAL THUMBS AND IS EXITED? THIS GIRL.

FIVE:
There was no new Cougar Town or Modern Family tonight because of the Country Music Awards. Aren't those award ceremonies usually on the weekends? FUCKING HILLBILLIES.

So, I've mentioned this a few times, but in case the memo has been missed - I'm Jewish. Culturally, anyway. I don't really consider my spiritual beliefs to be adherent to any religion and thus I've chosen, as an adult, to opt out of the temple-going Hebrew-speaking part, but I've become increasingly enamored with holidays and traditions and such. And really, I enjoy being Jewish. My favorite part is probably the food (if any of you have never had kugel, or even a properly-made bagel, I apologize. You are missing out on life). But I also like having holidays and customs that are different from other people's, and I like having a strong, unique cultural heritage to identify with and carry on. I really, really appreciate what growing up Jewish has brought me in terms of valuing education and family and tradition. Also, I enjoy the fact that if someone is yelling at me about my white privilege, all I have to do to get them off my back is point to myself and go "Jewish", and then they stop. And that is super duper handy, let me tell you.

The point is, besides the food, my favorite thing about being Jewish is that you belong to a pretty awesome club. Not only are tons of super-famous and talented people Jewish or half-Jewish, but a lot of inventors are Jewish. You're welcome, by the way, for the polio vaccine, the cell phone camera, blue jeans, the remote control, the shopping cart, vinyl records, and the sports bra. Thus, when your dad does something like e-mail you this:

You can point at it and go "THEM'S MY PEEPS", and they are. They're your peeps. So maybe yeah, on a whole, Jews are not the greatest athletes, and we have a really high rate of mental health problems, and we will nag you and stuff your face with food until kingdom come, but we're awesome, okay? We are seriously, seriously awesome.

You know what I hate? That part of Saturday that is pre-Merlin. I HATE IT. I'm just sitting around drumming my fingers, trying not to do anything so I won't be too tired to do my review (I have made this mistake before, which leads to sending in the column at 2 AM and lots of mental breakdowns and tears. I AM NOT GOOD UNDER PRESSURE), and NO ONE IS EVER ONLINE TO DO STUFF. It's like you people have... lives, or something. Or all you need to watch Merlin is an internet connection and a free hour. HOW QUAINT YOU ALL ARE. I have tried streaming to get a head start, but I can't get the sound to work for me, which really defeats the purpose.

Also, because I get a lot of people being all OMG YOUR JOB IS SO GREAT I LOVE AND WANT YOUR JOB HOW DO I GET YOUR JOB - you do not want my job, and there is a reason you do not want my job, and it doesn't just have to do with getting paid almost nothing. I, in addition to writing about Merlin, write about Bones. This week on Bones, Booth spent a lot of time with his new girlfriend, who I don't like, mostly because the actress is really awful. She's completely wooden, she looks like she could be his daughter, and she talks like her mouth is full of oatmeal. And so, I wrote a review to that effect. Now, in all the time I've been reviewing Bones, I have never been critical of the plot mechanisms that keep Booth and Brennan apart - quite the opposite, in fact. And in the almost three years I've been doing my job, I have never criticized someone's acting before. And yet, ever since I posted my article, I hav had my inbox constantly pinging with badly-spelled comments along the lines of "OMG YOU BOOTH/BRENNAN SHIPPERS ARE SO VICIOUS HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE HANNAH SHE IS SO PERFECT YOU ARE JUST A JEALOUS BITCH BECAUSE YOU WANT BOOTH FOR YOURSELF OMG HOW DARE YOU THE ACTRESS IS FRENCH CANADIAN (for the record, I mentioned that I knew that in an earlier comment, and that my issue was not the accent but the aforementioned oatmeal mouth) YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL AND DIIIIIIEEEEE."

So, yeah. Unless you are comfortable with this happening to you, you should not do what I do. Because no matter how bland and widely-accepted your opinions are (and really, I checked, 99% of Bones fans agree with me and are, in fact, way meaner than I am. I dare you to go to their facebook page), eventually you will piss off someone. It is A Given Fact of Internet Life.

So in conclusion, sometimes my job sucks, OMG I AM SO BORED SOMEONE PLEASE PLAY WITH ME, and here are some baby otters learning how to swim (NOW THIS IS A JOB I WANT):

( Some thoughts about the latest Merlin, which ended up taking days longer than they were supposed to because ELECTIONS ARE DISTRACTING. )

SOME STUFF THAT IS AMAZING
(before I post about Merlin tomorrow)

One!
I watched the Women of SNL special and it was generally funny because they showed the best clips, but I think the thing that made me laugh the hardest was Amy Poehler's Sharon Osbourne impersonation. Not because it was the best impersonation ever (though it was pretty amazing), it's because of the dog. She has this little Pomeranian she's holding and waving all over the place like it's a stuffed animal and shaking it, and that dog is totally nonplussed. It's just looking calmly at the camera like "yes, and?" and she's SHAKING IT EVERYWHERE. I have no idea why I'm so entertained by this dog, but I watched the entire two hour special and that dog made me laugh harder than I've laughed in weeks. Even thinking about it makes me giggle. That dog! I can't. I can't even.

Is something wrong with me?

Two!
According to some dude on Twitter, Bradley James was gallivanting around LA this Halloween dressed up as a Ghostbuster. This guy could be totally full of it, I don't know. And you know what, I don't care. It makes me love Bradley more than I ALREADY DID, regardless of if it's true or not. If it's true, that's amazing. If it's not true, I love the fact that Bradley is exactly the type of person I would believe would dress up as a Ghostbuster for Halloween, and that just makes him a special snowflake.

Oh, the limbs I would sacrifice for pictures of this.

Three!
Some wrap-up from the Rally to Restore Sanity - if you haven't seen Jon Stewart's sincere closing remarks, GO WATCH THEM RIGHT NOW. They are great and true and insightful. I mean, it's a little unfair to the extreme left, I think, since the extreme right is where you get people who are theological extremists and want to wage war on everyone and damn your rights to hell, and the worst the extreme left ever wants to do is tax you a lot and make you go through red tape. Oooh, scary. Also, the 100 greatest signs from the rally. And seriously, they're GREAT.

Also, THIS IS YOUR REMINDER TO VOTE TOMORROW OR WE'RE NOT SPEAKING ANYMORE.

Four!
You know who else is great? BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH. I mean, his name is already the greatest name in the history of names, but he's been doing some great stuff lately. Like this live chat he did for PBS in which we learn he's amazing, adorable, hilarious, articulate, and oh, I love him. Also, there's these new pictures. I can't tell if I'm terrified of him or vaguely attracted to him. EITHER WAY I LOVE HIM.

Five!
I found a gerbil adoption agency in the next town over! They say they have new pups coming and should be ready by late November. I think I've decided on names, so it should be less than a month until you all are regaled with pictures and tales of Messrs. Gus and Baxter.

Six!
THIS DRESS IS SO FUCKING AMAZING I WANT TO DIE. If only I had $150 to, you know, spend on a dress I don't need and have nowhere to wear.

Edit, or Seven!
So sometimes while I'm winding down for bed I turn on the music video channel, which is doing a promo for Rock Band 3 that's a playlist full of featured songs. One of them is The Cure's Just Like Heaven, which in its original form I hate, but it reminded me of this cover, which once again proves that a song can be a truly terrible thing, but almost any song can be saved by a skillful cover. God, I love this cover:

BOO.

So I spent all week while I was watching television doing that fancy type of pumpkin carving where you use carving tools to only go like halfway through the pumpkin and you can make pretty patterns. All week! Because my pumpkin turned out to be really unexpectedly thick! I got blisters and calluses! And then today when I went to finish my pumpkin smelled so bad I gagged a little. Like, it got REALLY REALLY MOLDY overnight. Sigh. The things we suffer through for art! Luckily we had these cute little pumpkin-like gourds that were about four inches in diameter total that I made in under an hour. I have named them Edgar and Jasper, respectively. Aren't they adoooorable? Alas, in under a week they, too, will make me vomit in my mouth a little if I cuddle them close.

Anyway, the trick-or-treaters have come and gone (a girl came as Quinn and got so excited when I complimented her! That's right, kids, I'm the cool one you should all try to be like), and Milky Ways proved to be strangely unpopular this year. Which is a shame, because I don't really like Milky Ways. And I'm bored while I'm taking Merlin screencaps for my little rant-n-rave, so, a slightly late meme stolen from

dollsome!

In honor of All Hallow's Eve, I'm inviting trick-or-treaters to my 'door'. Comment "trick-or-treat" to this post and...well, you know the drill. Treats can be anything that strikes my fancy (pics of fave actors or pairings, one sentence fics, graphics, a few words about why I'm glad to have you on my flist, etc. etc.). The more "houses" to visit the more fun it'll be, so go ahead, open your journal and help spread the fun!

ALRIGHT, FRIENDSLIST! IT IS TIME TO FESS UP. WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS FOR ME?

Okay, I know it wasn't directly for me, I found it when trawling tumblr for gifs (SO MANY HOMG! I now think I have a Liz Lemon gif to apply to every situation, which is totally necessary as Liz Lemon is my personal hero/rolemodel in life) and I found this. WHAT IS THIS. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON. It's like whoever made this has been GChatting with me, because I've had a long-held belief that nothing cannot be made more adorable with a monocle. (This is actually a philosophical pillar of my world view, I am not even lying.) Before Tess died it was my LIFE GOAL to figure out how to get her to wear a monocle. I now extend this hope to any future gerbils I have. One day, I will get a gerbil to wear a monocle, and I will take a picture, and that picture will cause world peace.

Speaking of gerbils, I've been trying to put my feelers out for available litters. I miss Tess horribly, but more than Tess I miss having a gerbil. I miss the tiny paws and the little faces and the squeaks and the sound of chomping on cardboard. I'm pretty sure I could be emotionally ready for a new pair in a week or two, but I'd ideally like to get a new pair around the holidays, at the latest. I asked the breeder I've used before and who I would call with any questions, but while she has foster gerbils I can adopt, she doesn't have any pups or baby gerbils on the way. I'm really against the idea of me, personally, adopting already full-grown gerbils. I get so very attached and I need them to be around as long as possible, because it's too damn traumatic otherwise. And apparently, her breeding pairs are just not feeling the romantic jive lately, because she says they're perfectly happy and healthy, just not getting down. She recommended me to two other breeders in the area, and put a special note that one had just had a litter, but when I e-mailed that breeder she said "she wasn't breeding anymore", whatever that means - I'm guessing she's trying to expand her business and isn't giving away the gerbils so she can breed them, but still, she'd put the litter up on her website, which I just think is totally unfair and mocking, personally. I still have one more breeder to contact, which is a primarily chichilla breeder who I think only fosters gerbils, but I'm afraid to e-mail him and have him tell me no, because then I know for certain instead of just mostly knowing that I'll have to wait a while for new babies.

So I was talking to

thisissirius about my dilemma last night at, like, 3:30 AM, because I've been having insomnia. I was telling her about how I'd been considering other rodent-type pets, actually, because gerbils are so short-lived, and I'd briefly looked into chinchillas, but they live on average 15 years. Most live into their twenties. And their care is extremely involved. If I wanted a pet that complicated, I'd get a dog. Plus I'd, like, enjoy dating someone at some point in the next 15-20 years, and it's easier and more socially acceptable to be like "I have a co-dependent relationship with my dog" rather than "I have a co-dependent relationship with a chinchilla". And then Siri was like OMG THIS IS WHAT IS KEEPING COLIN AND BRADLEY APART! COLIN IS AFRAID TO INTRODUCE HIM TO HIS CHINCHILLA!" Which I thought, clearly, could only result in the following exchange:

Colin: (pulls away from kissing, breathing heavily) Bradley, no, stop. I need to... I haven't... I think I should introduce you to Trevor, my chinchilla.
Bradley: Yeah you should.

(Several weeks later)

Colin: And this is Trevor.
Trevor: (chitters)
Bradley: Wait, this wasn't a euphemism?
Trevor: (scrubs face disapprovingly)

So while Siri was contemplating a meet-the-chinchilla scenario, I was pondering on the fact that Colin Morgan, in addition to being a kitten, a baby deer, Jigglypuff, and a host of other things, would also clearly be, were he a rodent, a chinchilla. I mean, look at them:

Chinchillas are extremely intelligent little creatures. They are beyond fussy when it comes to temperature and especially diet. They're nearly extinct out of captivity because they were almost hunted to extinction for their fur, which is extremely prized for how luxurious and soft it is. They're industrious and energetic, friendly, and kind of quirky. REMIND YOU OF ANYONE? Just imagine that little face going EHM, EHM, I THINK I WOULD LIKE SOME KYECK, AND THEN PERHAPS WE CAN EXPLORE SOME KYEVS. EHM. YEAH.

...and this is why, should you ever see me awake and online at four in the morning, make me go to bed.

And now I'm going to go do some dishes, and by "dishes" I mean "carve my pumpkin", and by "carve my pumpkin" I mean "Watch the Rally to Restore Sanity and pretend I'm getting shit done, which I'm not".

ONE!
So I knew vaguely there was racefail stuff going on in Inception fandom but I was avoiding it because I hate racefail. HATE IT. Last year's hubbub turned me off of people trying to out politically correct each other. I'm trying to refrain from a race rant because hello, wank, no one needs more of it. A lot has been said and really, it's been over a week. No fuel needs to be added to the fire. I'm just going to say these few things, which are my reactions to most racefail and which I feel are still relevant/important:

One, authors are not their characters. I'm not taking sides when I say this on the actual wank being discussed, I'm just saying this as an author who has had this mistake made about their work, and it's always been a pet peeve. My characters are not me. They do not represent my point of view. They do not do what I would do. They don't have to be perfect people, because real people aren't perfect. Real people make racist comments, or sexist comments, or dumb comments. If I want to write a character who tells his wife to go back to the kitchen where she belongs, this doesn't mean I think women should all go back to the kitchen, or that he necessarily has to be a villain to say that. (Even though I like to be in the kitchen. Actually, is it my day to do dishes? Fuck.) I don't like the idea that I, as an author, should have to warn for that, or put a little asterisk/footnote saying "BY THE WAY THIS IS NOT MY POINT OF VIEW". Shouldn't that be self-evident? My neighbors, all of them, are extremely nice people. But most of them are hardcore, Fox News-watching, homophobic, and semi-racist as well. Life isn't that cut and dry, and fiction shouldn't have to be either.

I'm saying this regardless of what was said in the fic that got people in a hubbub because it was supposedly racist, appropriate or not. I didn't actually read the fic (though I did read the passage people complained about). I don't actually care what was said and who said what. That is not the point. The point is, from an author's point of view, can I just complain about this phenomenon in general? If I write a character who has a nervous tic, no one assumes I have that nervous tic. If I write a character who's alcoholic, people don't assume I'm alcoholic. (I hope.) Sometimes I need to write a character saying something despicable, and so I don't see why someone should then assume that nothing else relates to my actual point of view, but that comment does.

The fact of the matter is, sometimes people say offensive things in real life, no matter how good-intentioned they are. I know I have. I'm not saying it's GOOD it happens, but the feeling that you have to make your characters perfectly eloquent, PC, walking advertisements for The Right Way To Handle Situations, and sparkling bastions of humanity is, from an author's point of view, extremely hampering. And irritating. And generally, bad.

Two, The fandom corner of the internet is, in general, an extremely accepting place. When racefail does erupt, it's usually over something pretty small. I care about -isms. I care a lot about social justice. In an ideal world, perhaps these are things we should nitpick over but really? This is, no matter how you look at it, nitpicking. There are big freaking instances of -isms out in the world. Like, here is some racism I posted about yesterday. And here is some really heinous homophobia. (By the way, I don't believe in hell, but I absolutely believe that when this guy dies, he will be burning in it.)

Fandom is a large place that can make a lot of change and do a lot of good and raise a lot of awareness. If we're going to do that, why are we wasting time on internet fights over interrogating texts from the wrong perspective or getting into fights that boil down to "you're more internally racist and have more privilege!" "no, you're more internally racist and have more privilege!"?

I would love to live in a world where a throwaway potentially racist line in a piece of fanfiction is, in fact, the worst thing that happens in the big, wide world of -isms and intolerance. But we do not live in that world, and for that reason, this entire thing is fucking ridiculous.

If fandom would like to discuss the problems that are legitimately problematic in the world today, I will be there marching in the parade and cheering on the forces of progressiveness and acceptance and spreading the word loud and far. But if fandom is continue getting into silly slapfights, I'm going to continue to roll my eyes and ignore fandom when it comes to race and discussing and wanking about it, because seriously? Seriously? There are a limited number of hours in a day, and the number of hours I'm willing to budget out for being annoyed is even more limited. At some point, in order to remain relatively sane and healthy, you need to make a threshold of things that get you all foaming at the mouth, because the world is so full of irritating things that if you were actually irritated by everything that maybe deserved to get upset over, you would not have time to sleep. I like sleep. I like being sane. I like being happy. If I'm going to be asked to get upset, I'd prefer it was over something that was, you know, actually a big problem that effects a lot of the world at large as opposed to, say, a hundred people on the internet.

But that's just me.

( A lot of less heavy and unimportant stuff about Project Runway, Taylor Swift, Fox News, fic recs, otters, Merlin, Glee, dogs, pumpkin carving, rallies, and Bones DVDs. In that order. )

Man, I should... start looking into posting shorter entries more often. The problem is that I can go, like, a week and a half with nothing to say, and then all at once I have about TEN BILLION THINGS TO GET OUT. Like right now. I'm sorry. I just have so many ~thoughts and feelings~.

Holy crapballs, Batman! I had no idea when I did my "scientific" study of Colin Morgan's smiles it would be quite so popular. I'm pleased, flattered, and totally don't have time to respond to every comment. So a blanket thank you to everyone who replied. You're all highly excellent individuals. A small correction should be made, however, that apparently in one of the first historical analysis pictures,

feilongfan pointed out quite rightly that Colin is smiling/smirking at Richard, who is holding the camera, and only possibly Bradley, who is sitting next to Richard. Therefore it is possible that that smile is not Bradley-specific. (Or that Colin had a brief fling with/crush on Richard, but I'm discounting that because omg, mental images, DO NOT WANT.)

Anyway, I interrupt my usual journal content of non nationality-specific, fandom-related asshattery for a brief moment of seriousness and America-centricism. Namely:

Look, I know. If you live in America right now (and maybe even if you don't live in America right now), you are so fucking tired of hearing about the midterm elections you probably want to shoot yourself in the face. Hell, I'm a political nerd/junkie and I want to shoot myself in the face. But if you are over 18 and an American citizen, you need to vote. You need to vote because, as insignificant as it feels, it is actually important. America is governed by the opinions of the people who show up. So unless you're totally fine having no control over how your life is run, you have to show up. It's a responsibility that you, as a taxpaying, existing citizen, need to do. Period.

More specifically, you need to vote in this election, because this election is A Giant Fucking Deal, like, even more than most big elections normally are, and this is a Giant Fucking Deal because of a little Supreme Court case called Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, where it was ruled that there are no limits on private spending in elections. This means that anyone, a billionaire, a giant company, an overseas dictator, anyone, can essentially buy a candidate by pumping millions upon millions of dollars into a race, even if they cannot vote in it, and no one is under any obligation to say where the money comes from. And while I can spend a really long time (believe me) ranting on the relative morality of this decision, it's unimportant. The fact is, the reason you are seeing so many fucking campaign ads is that now candidates are getting giant amounts of money to run.

What this means, besides that the only way to escape from this election is to be actually dead, is that there are a lot of crazy people running for office right now, and they have a legitimate chance to win. I'm not talking casually crazy like we normally expect of politicians. I'm talking people like Christine O'Donnell, who thinks that the separation of religion and politics is not in the constitution, or that masturbation should be abolished, or that she is personally, as a conservative activist who is in no way affiliated with any governmental organization (knock on wood) privy to top-secret information that China is attempting to kill us all. There's Sharron Angle, who's running against the current leader of the Senate, who thinks Social Security and the Department of Education should be abolished, or that Conservatives, if they don't get their way this election, should plan an armed insurrection, and is, um... how do I put this. She's, like, kind of super-duper racist. Like, political ads depicting Hispanics as thugs who take your job and your child's college education, telling a Hispanic Culture Club that they all looked "kind of Asian" to her, has a side organization that goes to Latino communities with literature (and attempted to run TV ads) telling them they should stay home and not vote. That kind of racist. And then there's Rich Iott, who enjoys a multitude of hobbies, including NAZI RE-ENACTMENT.

(A partisan note: all the candidates listed are Republicans. I am attempting to keep this post as non-partisan as humanly possible, but the reality of the situation is, the Republicans are not an ideologically centrist party. They just aren't. Also, with the exception of Alvin Greene, no crazy Democrats are running. Conservative ones, yes, but not usually borderline psychotically so. Also, Alvin Greene is being totally ignored by the Democratic Party because he is a) crazy and b) has no chance in hell of ever being elected ever.)

So this election, even if you do not live in a state with a crazy person running, you need to vote. You need to vote on ballot measures. You need to vote on your Governor's race, if you have one. And if you have a Senator or Representative running who is not crazy, you need to vote for them, because if crazy people get elected this year, sane people are going to be desperately needed to balance this shit out.

I bring this up now because NOW IS THE TIME TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOU ARE VOTING. If you are at college or out of state, you need to get and send in your absentee ballot NOW. If you can vote early, you should vote NOW. If you don't know where your polling place is, you need to learn NOW. If you have no idea what the issues or candidates are, you need to learn NOW. You have this weekend. Use it to educate yourself so by Tuesday you can make your voice heard.

IF YOU ARE CONFUSED, LOST, SCARED, AND NEED SOME HELP: the first place you should go is the League of Women Voters website. You don't even have to have a vagina to do so. The League of Women Voters is a completely non-partisan organization that will tell you everything you need to know. They will tell you where you should vote. They will tell you the different ways to vote. They will tell you when you can vote. They will tell you what you're voting on. They will have each side or electable official explain their stance in plain English and they will fact check it. They are, in short, the greatest thing to happen to American politics that you never even knew about.

If you are still confused, on any issue, I am more than happy to explain it. I can't promise I will be as non-partisan as the League of Women Voters. In fact, I can pretty much promise I won't be. But I will be brutally factual and am at your disposal for Everything You Wanted To Know About (the American Version of) Liberalism But Were Afraid To Ask.

In conclusion - AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! LET'S GET ALL DEMOCRATIC AND ELECTORAL UP IN THIS BITCH.

EDIT!

i_claudia has very intelligently suggested Project Vote Smart as an additional resource to use before you go out to vote. WOO! DOING YOUR CIVIC DUTY IS SEXY.

Guys, are you ready to hear something shocking? Ready? Are you sitting down?

I LOVE COLIN MORGAN.

Shocking, right? I bet none of you who have ever spoken to me would guess such a closely guarded secret!

Anyway, because I love Colin, I stare a him a lot. And in staring at him, I noticed that the way he smiles at one Bradley James is not the way he smiles at other people. Which is a fact I mention a lot, and eventually people kept going OMG REALLY SHOW ME. And I was like "WELL, IF YOU INSIST". So I present to you my magnum opus of great genius:

( Who can turn the world on with his smile? )

I meant to do my weekly post of this earlier, only then I accidentally passed out and napped for two hours. Oops. Maybe it was because after I saw this my body COULD NOT FUNCTION FROM THE ADORABLE:

WHAT THE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I think this proves my/

cherrybina's theory that Bradley James is actually a puppy. (I'm not sure who thought up this theory first. We sort of... simultaneously started referring to him as such, and then she had photo evidence, and then I started spamming her with videos of puppies on Youtube that were secretly Bradley, and now it's become so obvious it's like trying to figure out who thought up gravity first. BRADLEY JAMES IS A HUMAN PUPPY. THIS IS ALL ANYONE EVER NEEDS TO KNOW.)

But seriously. Guys, I do TRY not to tinhat. I really do. Not because I think it's shameful or wrong to tinhat, but mostly because I'm just THAT PERSON. I'm that person who believes that everyone is a special snowflake with a valid point of view and if I could just walk a mile in their shoes I would understand blah blah blah. I argue against myself all the time. Literally, okay, I take a Legal Philosophy class, and we were using various readings to argue both sides of a case, and everyone else was half-asleep or something, so first I argued for the prosecution, and then when no one was offering anything for the defense, I raised my hand again and destroyed all my previous points. Even though I agreed with them. I just knew how to destroy them. I AM THAT PERSON. I may feel a certain way about things, but I refuse to passionately embody them until I have considered every viable option otherwise and proven to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that yes, this is true.

So I really try to understand the "just friends" argument with Bradley and Colin. I do. They're sweet boys and don't deserve another someone convinced they are omg so meant for each other and planning their wedding if they don't feel that way. (Regardless of if they have no idea I feel this way or not.) I've been in the situation where people were convinced I just HAD to date someone who I felt icky about, and it sucks. I would feel guilty doing so. BUT THEY ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR ME. I mean, come the fuck on, Bradley's flaw is that he can't leave Colin alone? And then Colin's face and laugh when he's all "oh, I don't mind"? WHAT THE WHAT THE WHAT. And the STARING contest. Good Lord, I was simultaneously enjoying that and feeling distinctly like I should get a room or maybe they should get a room because this was clearly something private going on. Plus, Colin's little smile. Oh god. I've told you about my fascination with Colin's Bradley-specific (or assumed to be Bradley-specific, as I have never seen them used on anyone else) smiles, right? (I plan on picspamming this later to convince all the doubters). So for now, believe me, Colin has two specific Bradley smiles (assuming he's not laughing at Bradley. These are JUST smiles. Colin laughs at everyone the same way). They are:

a) Partially open-mouthed, just enough to show the tops of his teeth, generally indicating private amusement, such as Bradley referring to an inside joke or Bradley being an idiot. The "I am laughing at you on the inside, you massive idiot" smile.

b) Close-mouthed smile/smirk where his eyes hardly crinkle at all but juuuust enough to make them appear gentler. This generally appears when Bradley's doing something Colin seems to like/find endearing. Famously appeared quite often on the road trip and has the effect of making Colin look like a moony-eyed idiot. I refer to this as the "oh, you" smile.

AND COLIN SPENT THE ENTIRE STARING CONTEST INCAPABLE OF KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE (which is weird, because he's a really good actor) WITH THE BIGGEST OH, YOU SMILE ON AND GOADING BRADLEY INTO STARING INTO HIS EYES SOME MORE. WHAT THE FAAAAAAAACK. How am I as a rational human being supposed to believe that two straight dudes or at least dudes that have no romantic goings-on do that shit? WHAT KINDS OF PEOPLE ENGAGE IN STARING CONTESTS LIKE THAT? OR SMILE ALL SPECIAL AT EACH OTHER? OR GO ON ROAD TRIPS OR DISCUSS THEIR FUTURES OR DO ALL THE CRAZY STUFF BRADLEY AND COLIN DO? I GIVE UP, OKAY. I GIVE UP TRYING TO BELIEVE ANYTHING BUT THAT THESE TWO ARE HAND-HOLDING, COMMITMENT-CEREMONY-PLANNING, DUMBFACE IN LOVE. AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THIS SO LONG AS THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE THE OTHER ONE IS THE SUN AND MOON AND STARS WITH SWEET LITTLE SMILES AND STANDING SO CLOSE AND ASLKJFSLKDKSJDF.

I NEED TO GO LIE DOWN.

TRUE STORY.

So, life has been a bit of a downer lately, which I am not cool with. Being miserable blows big old chunks of... chunkiness. Therefore, I feel I should share some stuff that makes me happy. Is there ever a BAD reason to feel happy? Even if you're already happy? I THINK NOT.

Awesome Shit On Youtube!
Once upon a time, I was actually kind of a cool person. I listened to bands no one else had heard of and I was indier than thou and everyone wanted me to make them mix CDs. And now.... idk. My indie craziness has died a little. I sort of listen to mainstream indie stuff, when I listen to music at all. More often I like to have a TV show on in the background. But the point is, I would like to remind you all that at one point, I did not used to listen to exclusively to Top 40 bullshittery. And Florence + the Machine - I go on kicks of listening to her and reveling in her genius. But I think she's popular enough now I don't count as a special snowflake. THE POINT IS, if my jaded, snobby highschool indie music self saw my new favorite song, I would probably shoot myself in the face. BUT GUYS, THIS IS LIKE MY NEW FAVORITE SONG EVERRRRRRRR:

Oh my god, I hate myself a little. This song is SO SLICK I can't even deal. It's so vague that every teenager in America is going to think it applies to them. I can HEAR the marketability in it. It's calculated and ridiculous and what the fuck ever, I've listened to this song like forty times today and I can't even feel ashamed through all the love in my heart.

Also, like, MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, I want a Bradley/Colin fanvid set to this. This was like, my first thought upon hearing it, along with what clips would go where. If I had any ability to create fanvids, I would do it myself. I don't care that the pronouns are wrong. I don't care that this applies to EVERY COUPLE EVER. I need this in my life. My birthday is December 17. GET ON THIS, PEOPLE.

This is like, my shameful Teenage Dream obsession 2.0. Speaking of which, the guy that made my favorite Party in the USA cover ever made mashup of Just The Way You Are and Teenage Dream. YOUTUBE YOU ARE THE BEST TO ME. EVER.

(Sidebar, the guy who does these covers would be super duper cute if he made fewer hammy faces. But he's still pretty cute.)

Also, on the subject of amazing fanvids, can someone please direct me to whoever was the genius behind THIS:

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS THAT IS NOT AMAZING AND PERFECT. THE SONG CHOICE! THE EDITING! MARSHALL AND LILY WANT TO FILL THE WORLD WITH SILLY LOVE SONGS! ASLKFJSLDKJF BARNEY'S BESOTTED LOOKS I WILL NEVER TIRE OF WHEN BARNEY HAS HEARTS IN HIS EYES FOR ROBIN. omg I know you guys think I have an allergy to heterosexual shipping but I SO DO NOT. (I just talk about them less because they actually happen.) BROTP FOR LIIIIIIIIFE. God I love them together. If the wedding they showed us at the beginning of the season on HIMYM isn't them, I'm gonna be mad. Actually, I'll live with it. I JUST WANT THOSE CRAZY KIDS TO WORK OUT, OKAY? THE WEDDING IS GIVING ME HOPES AND DREAMS THAT WILL INEVITABLY BE SMASHED INTO LITTLE PIECES WHILST CARTER AND BAYS LAUGH AT MY WEEPING REMAINS.

Using LJ Tokens!
So a while ago some super-kind anonymous soul gave me LJ tokens and every so often I'd look up and go "huh, I should use those to get more userpics" but every time I'd try they wouldn't let me use the tokens to pay, which was really irritating to me. But finally, finally, I got it to work. Now I just have to... find icons to fill up the spaces with. So! THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN. I am searching for good places to find icons, so please link me to your favorite communities. (I'm picky, but if you look at my current icons that should give you an idea of what I like.) I am searching for icons of the following:

30 Rock
How I Met Your Mother
Merlin (NEVER NOT LOOKING FOR MERLIN/MERLIN CAST ICONS. EVER.)
Community
Glee
Bones
Cougar Town?
Modern Family?
***JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT*** (I have had a constant crush on this guy since 10 Things I Hate About You. We took a brief break while he was doing all that indie stuff and had unfortunately long hair and 500 Days of Summer brought him back in my wheelhouse of DUDES I AM ALLOWED TO BONE AND NO MAN ALIVE CAN BLAME ME, EVEN IF WE ARE MARRIED WITH FIVE CHILDREN. Inception elevated him from that to HIS PLACE ON THE LIST IS IRRELEVANT BECAUSE CLEARLY WE NEED TO HAVE BEEN MARRIED AS OF YESTERDAY SO I CAN MAKE OUT WITH HIM WHENEVER I WANT. AND DO OTHER STUFF.

But seriously, I promise this isn't like a trendy thing because everyone else likes him now I'm asserting my prior claim. He is, much like Topher Grace, a man I shall carry in my heart forever. Only Topher Grace I want to carry more in my heart and JGL I want to carry more in my pants. And my heart. And all over. Oh my god. HE'S SO STUPIDLY AMAZING AND ATTRACTIVE.)

( Materialism! (VERY IMAGE HEAVY) )

Phew. That took... twelve hours longer than expected. Imaginary shopping sprees are tiring, y'all.

Yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning, Tess, aka The Gerbil, aka Her Royal Highness, Ruler of the Universe, had another stroke and passed on to the great big nommy cardboard box in the sky.

I have been, to put it lightly, distraught. You can tell I'm distraught because I don't want to talk to people online, which is pretty damn distraught. It's partially because if you talked to me for longer than five seconds you knew that Tess was far, far more than a gerbil for me. I work from home and spent almost my entire day with her, I spent hours talking to her and petting her and feeding her and fussing over her, sh was trained to jump in my lap and nip my thumb when she wanted attention. She had sass, nerve, and more personality than I knew could fit in a gerbil.

On top of that, Tess died in the middle of one of my stretches of severe depression and anxiety. (I can explain and answer questions on my anxiety/depression later, but that is not the point right now.) I was already very shakily getting through the things I had to do with my life, and losing the gerbil was a pretty harsh blow. In addition to all her gerbily duties, Tess functioned largely as a security blanket and distraction for me when I felt down, and I think you get the irony behind this entire situation.

For all of yesterday and most of today, I was utterly incapacitated with the addition of grief to the already debilitating anxiety, depression, and stress at all the homework I was neglecting, and I'm finally starting to venture out of my shell today.

To everyone who commented on my last entry, or e-mailed me, or tweeted me, thank you so, so much. It meant the world to me. However, I'm afraid I don't have it in me to respond to each one of you (including the friends requests, I just can't quite bear to go back to that entry), so please, contact me again if you have a concern or request you want to discuss with me.

I am writing this entry, however, to say, while I sincerely am grateful to all the well-wishes and sympathy, and I know a lot of you heard quite a lot about the gerbil and felt close to her and might want to say something - don't. I need to place a moratorium on any gerbil talk whatsoever. Please, DO NOT bring this up again. It's already very difficult for me to walk around my house every day not hearing her, and what I need even more than your hugs and words of support is a place I can escape from missing her and feel like everything is still fine.

Thanks, everyone. I'll be back either later tonight or tomorrow with some happy fun things all over again.

You know what's really tiring and irksome? When people complain about you on the internet/use something you said to start an internet fight/hatefest, only instead of actually saying "what you said/did bothered me", they just... go do it somewhere else instead of addressing the problem to you. It is doubly worse if you don't know the person or have never actually spoken to them in your life, and then wham! There they are! Complaining!

I'm used to this happening on the Mean Meme, because that is what the Mean Meme exists for. Mostly, when they do it, it amuses me more than anything else. But this week it happened on some articles I wrote, and on some people's livejournals, and it's really getting old. I could understand if I was some sort of big deal, people would go complain elsewhere instead of saying "yo, what you're doing is whack". Like, if someone wrote a nationally syndicated column or made a post on a Big Deal Blog like Gawker or something in which they said something douchey, I wouldn't leave a comment there because would never read it/care. But seriously, me? I now fall in the "it's not worth leaving a comment" category? People can't talk to me? I talk about gay dudes and write fake come-ons by Thomas Aquinas and blabber about my gerbil. I am an extremely un-influential, super-boring person. I am not a big deal at all. I'm a very little deal. I'm still not sure when I even entered into deal-dom.

Sigh. Instead of discussing this, let's discuss two people who aren't tiring/irksome and are actually a big deal. At least, to me:

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR FACES. HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO BE MORE DELIGHTFUL EVERY WEEK? I love all the gratuitous Colin's Profile Porn we get (I have this thing for Colin's profile. Namely: it is the most freakishly beautiful profile to ever exist ever. I feel it should be exploited and used more often. Or perhaps put on a coin, since that's where the profile of awesome people goes.), I love how cute and giggly they are with each other (and that Colin's response to Bradley going "I'll give you a hint - RAAAAAAAR" was not "a dying crow?" because that would have been my guess), and I continue to be enamored with the fact that there is a very special smile Colin uses on Bradley that he doesn't use with anyone else. At one point, I should probably go around gathering actual proof so I sound less like a crazy person, but there's this smile, I swear, okay. He only smiles part-way, so just the tops of his top teeth are showing, and his eyes don't go into full-on crinkle mode, but do jusssst at the edges and it's so fond I can't stand it. I SWEAR I AM NOT CRAZY AND THIS EXISTS, OKAY. I have asked for confirmation from people who don't even ship these two and they've gone HOLY SHIT YOU ARE RIGHT. It's entirely possible they were humoring me, but it totally is there! I'm not kidding! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY.

But regardless, I LOVE THEIR FACES AND THEIR BFF-NESS (SLASH POSSIBLY MORE) AND EVERYTHING THEY CHOOSE TO BE. THE END.

( ALSO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK'S MERLIN. )

Edit: This entry was supposed to go up late this afternoon, but my homework ended up taking way longer than it was supposed to, and on top of that, the gerbil had a stroke.

Gerbils are generally pretty healthy, hardy little creatures, but once they get older, they are prone to having strokes. As Tess is nearly three, she's quite elderly for a gerbil. She'd been oddly sleepy all day (especially considering that she was manic this weekend - jumping for eight hours straight and refusing to be calmed), but I figured she was just making up for being crazy for the last few days. I started to worry around eight-ish, and when I went to touch her to wake her, she was ice cold and shaking uncontrollably. And when she uncurled and tried to walk away, she could barely coordinate her paws, and ended up bumbling and swaying around the cage, knocking into the sides. (Actually, if she was perfectly fine otherwise, I would have assumed she was drunk, and it would have been kind of cute.) I immediately picked her up and started bawling, which made my dad, who was the only one home with me, feel very awkward and uncomfortable, since he's always been of the opinion that it's weird to keep a rodent in the house and feed it on purpose, and shouldn't he go release it at the park for the owls to eat like he does with the mice in our basement? After I collected myself, I immediately swaddled the gerbil up in an old flannel sheet and looked up the symptoms. And let's just say, it's a good thing I checked in on her when I did.

Just like when humans have strokes, not all gerbil strokes are created equal. When a gerbil has a stroke, one of four things can happen:

1. It kills the gerbil immediately.
2. The gerbil becomes paralyzed/incapacitated and has to be put down for humane reasons.
3. The gerbil suffers subsequent strokes and, after being already compromised, dies.
4. The gerbil has a rough patch and eventually is fine.

After calling around to the vet (yes, she has a vet, she had conjunctivitis when she was little, which got so bad mostly because I felt like an idiot getting a vet for a gerbil. I relented when I started having to open her eyes for her and wipe out the pink goop at least once a day), and then the veterinary hospital (the vet was closed), and then the breeder (because the hospital said I should bring her in for diagnostics and bloodwork, and all I could think was "she just had a stroke, you want me to give her a heart attack by stressing her out that much? Also, she's a gerbil"), a few things became clear. One, the gerbil, in all likelihood, was going to be okay. Normally the strokes come in rapid succession, and the more hours she went without one the better. Two, the hospital would be useless. They could tell me exactly what type of stroke she had, but there isn't any medicine they could give her to make her better. Because, even though I act like she's not, she's a gerbil, it's not like gerbil neurological conditions are a lucrative market. Three, she had warmed up considerably, was very vocal when she didn't like how I had wrapped her, and ate a banana slice like she was starving and then gulped down a ton of water, all of which were signs of a healthy, recovering little beastie, before napping under the blanket I keep over my lap, curled up like a doormouse. She'll have to be watched closely for the next couple of days, and at night I'll be moving the cage up to my room, because it's warmer and there's a lamp I can put on her to keep her warm. But she's up and about and running around like almost-normal (she still occasionally wobbles).

So it's looking like, in conclusion, Little Miss Thang will be back to her sassy-ass self in no time. (She has already sassed me at least twice tonight.) I am extremely grateful to everyone who saw my frantic OMGWTF MY GERBIL HAD A STROKE BRB HAVING AN EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN tweet and responded so kindly, and to everyone who e-mailed me, and to all the love sent my way. On behalf of both myself and Her Majesty The Most Over-Loved Rodent in the Universe, thank you. We might have been able to do this without you, but it sure would have sucked a whole lot more.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MONSIEUR BRADLEY JAMES. You are a generally delightful human being and I am exceedingly pleased that your parents decided to have sex, and that the result of that combined in such a lovely expression of DNA. I also hope you are celebrating by having a lot of spectacular sex with your boyfriend, and then as a birthday present to the internet/my pants, you decide to release pictures or youtube videos or something.

AHEM. ANYWAY. Today is boring. I'm attempting to get my reading for class done, but it's St. Thomas Aquinas and MY GOD HE IS THE MOST BORING MAN ALIVE. JFC. I'm 99% sure he became a priest not because he felt some divine calling, but rather because he could not get laid. Like, if Thomas Aquinas was trying to pick you up, he'd do it in the following manner:

FIRST ARTICLE
WHETHER WE SHOULD JOINTLY ACHIEVE ORGASM
We proceed thus to the first article:-

Objection 1: It would seem that as I am an attractive, slightly inebriated individual, you, too, are an attractive, slightly inebriated individual. As copulation is most commonly achieved when two individuals are slightly inebriated and mutually attractive, it seems most logical that such an event would occur between us.

Objection 2: It is scientifically noted that when a male sees a person to which he is attracted, the flow of blood in his body switches to a downward circulation. Upon considering our joining sexually, my blood responded thus.

Objection 3: It is noted that regular sexual release is healthy for a human adult, thus by choosing to achieve this end, we are assuring our good health.

On the contrary: You are a human and possessing of free will, and should your body to respond in a corresponding manner to mine, it is most unethical to attempt sexual intercourse with an unwilling party.

I answer that, as you have not thrown your drink in my face, you may perhaps be interested in my suit, and I have stipulated why I am interested in you. Barring your refusal, copulation should proceed posthaste.

Reply to Objection 1: Your refusal indicates that while you may be slightly inebriated, it is not enough to find me attractive if, indeed, you ever found me attractive at all.

Reply to Objection 2: Though a male may experience a fire in his loins at the sight of an attractive individual, it is possible to quench such a fire by participating in a mental exercise of imagining something unpleasant, or perhaps by satisfying the urge of his own actions.

Reply to Objection 3: Should a male achieve release upon his own person, the presence of another is therefore nullified.

AND IT GOES ON LIKE THAT FOR TWENTY PAGES ON IF THERE IS MORALITY IN LAW OR BLAH BLAH BLAH AND FUCK THOMAS AQUINAS, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I keep falling asleep instead of finishing.

Things I do give a shit about, though! MERLIN. MERLIN THIS WEEK OH MY FUCK.

( MY THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK'S MERLIN THAT REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO BE MARSHALED INTO COLUMN FORM AND IT WAS FRUSTRATING. )

REJECTION LETTERS TO PEOPLE WHO SPAM MY INBOX

Dear Christian Coalition of America,

How the fuck did you even get my e-mail? Seriously? I'm Jewish. Here, let me break this down for you. You: Jesus. Me: No Jesus. You: Multiple testaments. Me: Keeping it old-school. Also, I eat babies and control the media you don't, but for obvious PR reasons my people like to keep that on the down-low.

In conclusion, stop mailing me.

Love, Me

Dear MoveOn.Org,

In theory, things should work between us. You're a bunch of socialist hippies, I'm a socialist hippie, we have a lot in common. But I think of you like my socially awkward cousin that I may be ideologically related to, but totally don't want to admit that we're related in public. I know I gave you my e-mail, but that was only to get that awesomesauce Obama sticker you were offering for free if I did so. I have un-subscribed from your mailing list about ten times. STOP CALLING ME.

Love, Me

Dear President Obama,

I promise I'm voting Democratic this election season. Seriously. I still love you. You're still beautiful just the way you are. You're just getting a little desperate.

Love, Me.

Dear USY,

Why do you still e-mail me? I went to one of your events six years ago because my mom made me. I hated it then, and I still don't want to go to your events now. Especially since I am about four years too old to do so. And I certainly don't want to donate anything to Israel. Do you want to hear my thoughts on Israel? Will that get me kicked out of you enough for you to STOP E-MAILING ME? Because I'll do it.

Love, Me.

---

( And now, our weekly dose of Colin and Bradley, dumbfaces in love. )

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chibirhm

August 2011

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Page Summary

Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, boys making out with each other, etc, etc.
I would do anything for fandom, but I won't do that.
This is a shallow post and I am a shallow person for posting it.
This is like the bellybutton lint of LJ entries.
Shalom, motherfuckers.
And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.
IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE.
What is the velocity of an unladen swallow?
These are a few of my favorite things.
BOO GRRR ARRRRG ETC.
No one expects the adorableness inquisition!
Bringing back the Friday gif post like it ain't no thang.
LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1776, Y'ALL.
A post of great scientific magnitude.
Dear Bradley and Colin, quit playing games with my heart. Love, Me.
Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and start being awesome instead.
A brief PSA.
This is a really long post with a lot of words.
You're a stupid bitch.
Breakin' up is hard to do.

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quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

protecting you from the ravages of hell since 1988!

Recent Entries

Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, boys making out with each other, etc, etc.

I would do anything for fandom, but I won't do that.

This is a shallow post and I am a shallow person for posting it.

This is like the bellybutton lint of LJ entries.

Shalom, motherfuckers.

And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE.

What is the velocity of an unladen swallow?

These are a few of my favorite things.

BOO GRRR ARRRRG ETC.

No one expects the adorableness inquisition!

Bringing back the Friday gif post like it ain't no thang.

LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1776, Y'ALL.

A post of great scientific magnitude.

Dear Bradley and Colin, quit playing games with my heart. Love, Me.

Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and start being awesome instead.

A brief PSA.

This is a really long post with a lot of words.

You're a stupid bitch.

Breakin' up is hard to do.

Profile

August 2011

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