quite a lot of trouble for such a pretty little girl

I had another Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Future Boyfriend dream last night. This time we were in what I think was hitRECord headquarters but kind of looked like my old high school, and he was like "I AM SO SUPER INTERESTED IN YOU. BUT I GOTTA GO, SO LOOK AROUND" Which I tried to do, except it turned out to keep being bigger and bigger and bigger and I kept running into more and more people and I kept being like wtf, I just want to get back to the part where JGL and I make out, please, and he'd keep popping up occasionally like "OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE FITTING IN, I'VE GOT SOME STUFF I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF, BUT YOU SHOULD LOOK AROUND UNTIL I'M FREE BECAUSE I AM DEFINITELY SUPER INTO YOU" and it basically went on like this... the entire dream. VERY FUNNY, SUBCONSCIOUS. I get it! I have a totally tragic (lack of) love life and envision Monsieur Gordon-Levitt as my future boyfriend because it makes me feel better about waiting, but seriously, brain, I am waiting for a very good reason. Namely that I am busy focusing on other aspects of my life and that means that aside from my father/brother, the most meaningful relationship I am capable of having with a dude is limited to if said dude has four paws, a tail, and likes to destroy toilet paper tubes and sleep in tissue boxes. YOUR MOCKERY OF MY ROMANTIC RESOLUTIONS ARE NEITHER NEEDED NOR APPRECIATED.

I am also vaguely cranky with the fact that it is snowing freaking everywhere except here. It even snowed more in surrounding towns but we got about one inch of snow, which is the most annoying possible amount of snow you can get. It's not enough to be exciting or cancel anything, but it's exactly enough to melt during the day under people's feet and then you have to try to scrape it up before it freezes overnight. But of course, this is on a sidewalk, so it's not exactly scrape-able, since it goes in all the divots of the sidewalk and you just know that's going to turn into ice an someone's going to fall and die, BUT YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. It's almost better to just not shovel or scrape so it'll be one thick, not as nefarious sheet of ice.

So I was outside, thinking about this and attempting to scrape not-yet-ice, when a UPS guy who totally looked like a less eyebrowed/pretentious Zachary Quinto popped up with my present from sonicbookmark, aka my favorite present of all time - SOCKS. More to the point - WHACKY GATOR SOCKS. I love whacky socks! Whacky socks are the best thing of all time! My sister saw those and was like "man, those are so cool, where can I get some?" and I was like "you could go online and make friends with an awesome person named Alli, that's how".

SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME, ONE, THIS FANVID:

WHAT IS IT WITH FANVIDS SET TO RAP SONGS GIVING ME FEELINGS LATELY?!?!?! RAP SONGS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME FEELINGS OTHER THAN MAKING ME WANT TO FIGHT THE POWERS THAT BE! I'M JUST OLD-SCHOOL LIKE THAT, WHAT CAN I SAY.

Also awesome, Colin Morgan in a new play! Though this is semi-cranky because once again, it's in London, which means I can't go see him act in person for realsies. This means, British people? I am officially appointing you my eyes and ears. It is your job to spread yourselves out and go to all the performances and scan the crowd and find out what other Merlin cast members went to see him and tell me if he looks like he's eating and also how magnificent he inevitably will be and take pictures until your fingers fall off. YOU KNOW THE DRILL, NOW SNAP TO IT.

And the final awesome thing - apparently under all that greasy hair an questionable facial hair choices, the guy who plays Sang Min on Hawaii 5-0, aka Will Yun Lee? APPARENTLY REALLY HOT. On a shallow note, I'd like to thank shows like Hawaii 5-0 for finally indulging my need to objectify men of all races and ethnicities. I mean, white dudes are hot and all, and I certainly objectify my share of black dudes. (My current favorite is Donald Glover. Because even when objectifying people, remember, I am at heart a pretentious hipster. And the new article where he gives a tour of his favorite parts of NYC! UNFITY UNF MCUNFERSONS. Also I find it amazing that DGloves is like, a rapping hipster. A hip-hopster if you will.) But dudes from all over Asia were seriously getting the shaft when it came to being ogled by me. There just weren't very many of them around! So thank you, Hawaii 5-0, for allowing me to be a completely shallow person in an accepting and multi-cultural manner. I MEAN SERIOUSLY:



WELL HELLO THERE, MR. LEE. THAT ICE CREAM LOOKS ALMOST AS DELICIOUS AS YOU.

MY BIRTHDAY WAS SO AWESOME. I mean, my sister was feeling really unwell and was asleep most of the night instead of hanging out like we'd planned so that was annoying, but still! I have a very long history of very crappy birthdays, between it being so close to Christmas and being a twin (I mean, my parents were always great about giving us both what we wanted, even if that meant baking two cakes and cooking two dinners, but it's inevitable that as a kid you watch all your friends and your sister have a day that's JUST THEIR DAY FOREVER and you have to share it, and it feels sort of crappy, no matter how great your parents are) and the fact that for whatever reason, no one ever remembered it. It was particularly hellish in high school when there would be those girls who would go around with crowns and balloons tied to their bags and expect you to treat them like queens for a day and basically stop every class for fifteen minutes, and I would always make such a fuss over my friends' birthdays (once we bought a cafeteria cupcake and conned a science teacher into giving us a lighter they used for a Bunsen burner to "blow out", I never managed to top that one), and I would have to remind people for weeks it was my birthday and then whenever it came around they'd be like "sorry, forgot, have a big Spanish test and I was thinking about what I was going to do over Christmas break" and it was like lksdafjlksjdflkj ARG.

But yesterday! I slept until noon, I chilled out all day, the BFF came over for Chinese food, Ella spent the night, cake was delicious, I got Merlin season 1, How I Met Your Mother seasons 3 and 4, Community season 1, a cute little creamer shaped like a bunny, a cute little notebook again, with bunnies (bunnies are my "thing" in my family), and some big fuzzy PJ pants. Plus, sonicbookmark got me a year of paid account time! BB YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME. I WILL TRY TO FINISH A FIC SOMETIME BEFORE I DIE FOR YOU. And thank you for everyone who sent me messages! You all are too good to me. ♥

ANYWAY, SOME RANDOM MISCELLANY THAT DOESN'T REALLY COHERENTLY GO ANYWHERE.

UNE: So I was doing top 5's for my tumblr and had made all these pretty graphics when Ella, trying to get my attention, pawed at my laptop and SHUT IT DOWN before I had a chance to save them. TRAGEDY TRAGEDY TRAGEDY.

Most of it is easy enough to re-create, but the real tragedy is losing the one that was for Merlin/Arthur/Bradley/Colin (okay, they're all one giant mashed-up ball of love in my head. AND YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM). It took me SO LONG to find/narrow down screencaps and pictures that spanned all seasons and eras and it is too fucking much to undertake again. So, hardship of hardships, I think you all should reach down and trawl through your photo collections for your favorite (undoctored/colored/whatever) pictures of the boys being stupidface in love for me to put into a collage. The only requirement is that they both be in the frame instead of just giving besotted eyes to the camera, like I want it to be obvious to anyone, even if they've never seen the two before, that they're looking at each other like I LOVE YOUUU.

DEUX:D'you know that I can easily choose my top 5 gay OTPs, but once you include all my heterosexual OTPs, I get SUPER CONFUSED?!?! Like I was going to do two top fives, one of just gay couples and one of just straight ones, but when I went to list all my favorite het pairings the list just kept going and going and going and I love them all the same! It's not with the same ardent fire and passion that my gay pairings inspire in me, mostly because I don't have to fight for het pairings to happen, you know? They actually get together if I wait long enough. They all make my heart warm. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM, IT'S LIKE MURDERING BABIES.

TROIS: DON'T ASK DON'T TELL REPEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG WHERE ARE YOU GUYS, I NEED SOMEONE TO JUMP UP AND DOWN AND SQUEAL LOUDLY WITH. WHERE IS THE PARTY?!?!? IS THERE A PARTY?!?!? SHOULD I HOST A PARTY?!?!? AM I THE ONLY ONE EXCITED FOR THE INEVITABLE CELEBRATORY YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF GAY COUPLES IN UNIFORM HUGGING AND MAKING OUT?!?!??!

QUATRE: Did you know I updated my fanvid request post? YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT, HINT HINT.

CINQ: Jesus fucking Christ the cast of Community is adorable. I've been listening to all the commentaries and I just want to move in with them and we can all be besties. Though I'm unsure how I feel about Dan Harmon. He's a genius, obviously, and I agree with him on a lot of things, but he also comes across as a kind of giant smug asshole.

But seriously, why doesn't Community get nominated for more shit? It's way better than a lot of the crap that does get nominated. I'm talking to you, United States of Tara and inexplicable Two and a Half Men.

CINQ AND A HALF: Am I the only one who hates Jeff and Annie together on Community? It icks me out so hard I can't even describe. I still am all aboard the Annie/Troy train. I'm unsure how I feel about Jeff/Britta, but I really want Annie and Troy to grow up and go out and get married and Annie will be a social worker or whatever she wants to be and Troy will own a construction company and Abed will move to LA but he'll talk to Troy on the phone every day and stay at their house whenever he needs and before he makes it big live in their basement. THE END IT WILL BE AWESOME.

SIX: So I just realized the other day while I was doing dishes that Future Husband JGL and also probably Tom Hardy and Ellen Page are probably going to be at all the major awards events this season because Inception keeps getting nominated for shit! LET'S DISCUSS MY LEVELS OF EXCITEMENT! THEY ARE HIGH.

Also, let's discuss how hard I laughed when I saw the For Your Consideration posters for whichever ball of shit Twilight movie they're on. You know the scene where Edward proposes that's in every commercial ever now that one of them is coming out on DVD? It is so hilariously awful and flat. And oh my god, that ring is hideous. Like, even refraining from my feminism rant, how can anyone think those movies or books are good it is so mind-boggling.

SEPT: DID I MENTION DON'T ASK DON'T TELL REPEAL IS REALLY EXCITING?!?!?!

HOLY MOTHER OF EDIT: OKAY, I KNOW THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY COLIN AND BRADLEY BUT MY MIND IS BLOWN. HOLY. FUCKING. FUCK.

DO WANT RIGHT NOW THIS IS PHOTO PROOF THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN, OKAY THANKS BYE.

So I know I said I was going to have my ~ultimate both parts of the finale~ Merlin recap on Wednesday. AND I MEANT FOR THAT TO BE TRUE. But then on Thursday I was busy because I had a doctor's appointment and work, which I didn't finish. And then I was like "oh, well, I'll finish the column Friday morning!", except I forgot something: lately I've been sleeping like shit. I can't get my brain to turn off until like for or five in the morning, at which point it will ONLY shut off and I will fall asleep if I leave my laptop on and playing a television show. (Most weirdly specific insomnia ever?!) And then my alarm goes off at ten every morning - partially so I don't sleep the day away, but mostly because I've found if I don't take my medications by ten than the ADD stuff will keep me awake. Irony! But I've talked to my mom and consulted various doctors before about how to fall asleep easier at night, since it's always been a problem, and everything I've looked up says you need to set a schedule for yourself, including what time you wake up. Which I do! It just doesn't seem to be working.

The point is, I'm operating on very, very little sleep and the column took me the entire day to write. It was actually sort of traumatic and involved tears because I was so frustrated and really insanely overtired (I think in the past three days I've gotten maybe 15 hours of sleep?) Which is actually ironic, because the article was on the latest episode of Bones where Brennan also, like, doesn't sleep. LIFE, ART, BLAH BLAH BLAH. The point is, I'll get to it. Eventually. I'm not exactly worried, though, because is there ever going to be a point where you all are like "no, I really don't feel like getting excited over Merlin and Arthur's big gay love"??? I THINK NOT.

ANYWAY A FEW THINGS THAT ARE DELIGHTFUL TO TIDE YOU OVER:

( Involves pictures, cut to save your friendslist. )

CINCO
This is important enough to leave outside of a cut, so - I am not doing the Holiday Love Meme. I'm just... not a fan of love memes. They make me feel increasingly awkward. If you want to leave me some love, you are welcome to do it in this entry or really, at any time of the year without having even the slightest patina of an excuse. If you were really looking forward to what I was going to write about you or for any reason feel your holiday season would be improved by me verbally validating our totally awesome e-bond, please consider this my open invitation to request just such a thing without being judged even the teeniest of tiny bits.

SIES
...and now I'm going to take a nap like a motherfucking boss.

If you have ever had an IM conversation with me, you know that during the course of that conversation there is a 90% chance I will, out of nowhere, burst out with "YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT FANVID?" and then rattle off some idea or five. Which would be great, if I was capable of making videos. Well, technically, I do have Windows Movie Maker, but even trying to cut together a few clips of my dog on that makes my soul weep. HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THAT PROGRAM? IT TAKES LIKE FIVE BILLION YEARS AND YOU GET SO MANY RANDOM CLIPS AND AKLSFJALKSJFLKASJ.

Anyway, after complaining to thisissirius for, like, a month, I decided you know what, I have a text document filled with ideas, it's the holidays, it's a week and a half to my birthday, surely something, somewhere on this list will inspire someone to make something. The ideas are free! All I ask is that, if any of these are to be made, please link me so I may worship the maker appropriately. Also, I'm gonna be updating this post constantly as new ideas come to me. CHECK BACK ON IT. I MAY HAVE HAD A STROKE OF GENIUS.

( Video ideas for Sherlock, Hawaii 5-0, Merlin RPF, and mostly just Merlin. )

ANYWAY. I'll get to the giant Merlin spam of both parts of the finale soon, but it's taking a long time because I keep forgetting I'm actually trying to take screencaps and think up commentary and next thing I know it's twenty minutes later and I've re-watched it and not done a damn thing because I'm to distracted by the pretty. MY LIFE, SO HARD.

OH MY HOLY FUCKING FUCK, Y'ALL.

GUYS. GUYS. GUYSSSSS. THE MERLIN FINALE. WAS SO. IT WAS JUST SO. ASLFJSKLDFJLJFSL. HOW AM I GOING TO REVIEW THIS IN UNDER A THOUSAND WORDS?!?!? I COULD WRITE BOOKS ON EVERYTHING I LOVED. BOOKS. BOOOOOOOOKS! MERLIN WAS SO AMAZING! ARTHUR WAS SO FUCKING KINGLY I COULD DIE! BRADLEY AND COLIN WERE SO GORGEOUS I CANNOT EVEN. COLIN WITH YOUR FACE AND BRADLEY'S EYES WERE SO BEAUTIFUL THIS EPISODE. HIS EYESSSSSS. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIS EYES. KNIIIIIIIIIIGHTS! BADDEST BUNCH OF GQMFS EVER OH HOLY SHIT. LANCELOT I LOVE YOU AND MISSED YOU SO MUCH IF YOU EVER LEAVE AGAIN I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. GAIUS! WTF YOU OLD BASTARD YOU'RE KIND OF AWESOME!

AND THE GIRLS!OH MY GOD THEY DESERVE A PARAGRAPH OF THEIR OWN BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. KATIE'S ACTING WAS PHENOMENAL I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER. AND GWEN! ANGEL! ANGEL MOTHERFLIPPING COULBY. HONESTLY I THINK LOVING GWEN WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE EPISODE, I CHEERED AND SQUEALED SO LOUD AT HER BEING AWESOME. (I mean except for her parts with Arthur and vice-versa, how do those two have phenomenal chemistry with literally everyone else in the cast/world but the second they're in a scene together it's like pbbbbblt.) BUT OMG GWEN. GWEN. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE LIKE MY LONG-LOST BEST FRIEND. THE ONLY THING BETTER WAS THE MERLIN/ARTHUR SCENES WHICH I CANNOT EVEN DISCUSS COHERENTLY I JUST. I JUST. I DON'T CARE WHAT JULIAN SAID ANY SCENE WITH THOSE TWO THEIR EYES. THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER WITH SO MUCH LOVE I AM JUST. I AM SO. I CANNOT.

OKAY TONIGHT IS BIG HANNUKAH NIGHT AT OUR HOUSE WITH THE LATKES AND ALL THE PEOPLE SO I HAVE TO SHOWER BUT OMG PRESENTS AND CANDLES AND FRIED SHIT AND THE BEST FINALE EVER I THINK I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT CHRISTMAS MORNING FEELS LIKE TO REGULAR PEOPLE.

(Okay, so I posted a shorter version of this on tumblr and was telling ella_bane I was surprised about how much it was getting re-blogged, and she was like "oh, put it on LJ!" And I was like "really?" And she was like "YES AND IF YOU DON'T I WILL DO MEAN THINGS TO YOU" and then made threatening motions so fine, here is the expanded LJ version of a letter I would like to send to Julian Murphy, or scream at him until I broke his brain. Alas, alack.)


Dear Julian Murphy,

So you have just given an interview looking back on Season 3 of Merlin, and in it, you are a giant flaming bag of douche. You've actually made me angry. Are you aware of how hard it is to make really and truly angry? Like, not just kind of irritated? Because when you say that "character growth" for female characters only happens if they get a romantic interest or turn evil, and that despite the actress' repeated pleas to play stronger roles, you have ignored them, citing that it's not "period appropriate" when you have never given two flying fucks about even the most rudimentary historical accuracy before, congrats! You've done it. You are officially a jackass.

And don't even get me started on your dismissal of Merlin/Arthur fans. You do realize that they make up a giant portion of your fanbase, and are a disproportionately large percentage the ones that make you money by buying your merchandise and going to your events? But apparently, you think it's a good idea to do just that. In an interview where you also compare the Merlin/Arthur relationship to both Butch/Sundance and Lois/Clark. Because there's nothing romantic about those relationships! And you're right, it's okay to have a prominent plot point in your "family show" be genocide in which you explicitly discuss the drowning of children, but making the main characters gay would be taking it a step too far and furthermore, it would be just so upsetting! Thank you for mansplaining it to me! I guess my tiny lady brain was all confused since I'm not in a relationship or plotting evil.

You know, for a long time, I was very defensive of you, simply because that's who I am. I am an easy forgiver. I am a benefit-of-the-doubt-er. So when there were all these conspiracy theories about the writers being purposefully sexist and homophobic I was like "... really?" Honestly, I did not believe that was possible in this day and age. Surely there could not be a secret cabal of menfolk sitting in a room willfully being that offensive. And I can forgive ignorance. I might not be happy about it, but if you don't know to examine your actions from a certain point of view, you don't know. Whats the point in getting mad over that? How are you supposed to do something you didn't know you were supposed to do? But you made it explicit in this interview that you know. You know exactly what you're doing. And furthermore, you are doing it on purpose because you think it is the right thing to do. And that is inexcusable. That is completely unforgivable.

If you were some sort of transcendent visionary, maybe you could get off on belittling your fans for ~not understanding you creative vision~. But you know what? You're not. You're not even good. If you think the fans watch for the "quality writing" on Merlin, you are insanely deluded. We watch in spite of that. We watch, for the most part, because it's pretty, and because the cast is really, really, really good. Like, way too good for you. Honestly, if you hadn't cast the people you cast, your show would have gone up like the Hindenburg. For fuck's sake, I can write better than you, and I'm not paid to do this shit. You are. And more than ever, I'm convinced that anything that goes right on this show is somehow a happy coincidence. Either that, or it is due to the dedicated effort of a small rebel force, and you are the Death Star, and I am really hoping one of these days they figure out how to jam up your goddamned trash compactor.

There's this delusion many writers seem to have, and it shows up especially in showrunners, that a show belongs to them, or that they understand their show better than anyone because they wrote it. I fucking hate that attitude. That attitude is my number one pet peeve not only in television, but on the top ten of "shit that pisses me off more than anything else, of all time". The first thing any person who is creative learns is that their work stops being theirs the second it is shared. The entire point of creative work is the way it can be re-interpreted and the meaning of it changes for every new fresh set of eyes that looks at it. To say yours is the "better" or "right" version is abso-fucking-loutely ludicrous, and beyond that, it's arrogant. It's like saying that you know ultimate philosophical answers to life's great questions and other people don't. You should never, ever, ever belittle an audience interpretation of your creative work. You may dislike it. Hell, you may hate it. It may hurt you because that work is your baby. I know that feeling. But like all babies, your work has grown up and left you. You can't do anything about it. Deal with it. And more than that, realize that if there's a mass consensus on your work, it is not because you are right in the face of a million people who are wrong, or that there is something fundamentally wrong with those people. It's that you you didn't see something and they did. That should be the whole reason you share your creativity in the first place. And if you can't deal with that, there's a simple solution - don't share. Get over yourself. End of story.

So, I guess the upshot of this little note is this; fuck you. Hard. Wait, let me make this clearer.



No. Just... no.

Sincerely,
Me, potentially co-signed by 90% of Merlin fandom, or at least over 25 people on Tumblr.

So I've been keeping this pretty hush-hush since I didn't want to jinx anything, but for the past month or so I've been working very diligently at adopting two little gerbil fellows. I wanted boys this time because I never wanted to be in the position of having only one gerbil, and male gerbils like adding new pups to their little clan, but female gerbils get all BOO YOU WHORE. Anyway, after many weeks of effort, I have taken home two little guys I think you all should meet.

( LOS DOS AMIGOS DE FUZZ. )

In other news, Merlin was awesome but I don't think I'm going to do any commentary until I see the entirety of the finale because it feels kind of wrong, you know, like pausing a movie halfway and giving a review, and yes, I am working on the Art Nouveau spam, which has gotten completely out of hand and ginormous. But on the plus side, you will come away from it SO EDUCATED it'll be ridiculous. Get excited, y'all!

Edit: JGL's latest tumblr post is entitled "subway makeouts". ARE YOU TAUNTING ME, SIR? Because I'd make out with you in a subway. Or an alleyway. Or really... any way at all.

So as requested, I'm working on an Art Nouveau spam. It'll probably be up on Friday because a) I have to edit the pictures so they're all the same size and not RIDICULOUSLY HUGE and the ones in series are all put together. Plus, it's taking an annoyingly long time to find artists. You would think they'd all be listed on Wikipedia, but no. I have some serious complaints about the Wikipedia article. Half the artists they link to are so obscure there's only a sentence written about them, and a good deal of them aren't Art Nouveau at all but Art Deco. A bunch are just... I don't even know what, but there is nothing Art Nouveau-y about them. Like Klimt. Why is Klimt listed as being Art Nouveau when he clearly is not? SHAPE UP WIKIPEDIA.

/PRETENTIOUS

Anyway, while I was taking a break and nosing around tumblr, like I do, I came across this picture of Joseph Gordon-Levitt:



NONE OF YOU THOUGHT TO ALERT ME TO THE EXISTENCE OF THIS PICTURE? NO ONE AT ALL? YOU ARE ALL FIRED. FIRED.

...aaaaaand that's really all. This entry is pretty much an excuse to drool over the above picture and also a shameless request for people to play with me. Comment party? Anyone want to talk about how great Raising Hope was last night? Slash how hard they want to ship Jimmy/Sabrina with me? Or how awesome that chick from Garfunkel and Oates is in it? Want me to convince you to watch Hawaii 5-0 so I have someone to keyboard mash to in realtime? Anybody at all? Beuller?

Dear Mean Meme,

You are reaching dangerous levels of Not Cool, Man. First, you discussed something my friend said in flock out of flock, which is just... wow. And that's not even the first time you've done that! Even if these people weren't my friends, douche move. And now, you are acting totally drunk off the power of "revealing" that Georgia and Bradley are dating. Really, Mean Meme? I will admit that yes, I initially freaked out. However, you forget, I think, that people are capable of going back to check facts. Remember how that rumor came out initially and it was ridiculed BEFORE the pictures showed up? Remember why? Because there were tweets saying Bradley was in LA at the fucking time the picture was supposed to be taken, and you know who I'm going to believe? Someone on Twitter. Who actually puts their name on the stuff they write. As opposed to an obscure anon fandom cesspool. So unless Bradley has somehow managed to break the space-time continuum, that picture proves nothing other than Bradley and Georgia were seen in public together, and that the source is a liar. Wooo! Shocking!

Meme, you are part of my life in the same way the weather forecast is part of my life. I watch you because I feel it more prudent to see what's coming than to stick my head in the sand. It is time that you took a good, hard look at yourself and realized that, much like the weather forecast, you are wrong, like, 90% of the time.

Sincerely,
Me

And now, for something much more exciting, TIME FOR MERLIN THOUGHTS.

( THAT TIME ON MERLIN WHERE BRADLEY AND COLIN MADE FACES AND I WENT !!!!!!!!ASLKJFLSKDJFKSDLJF!!!!!!! )

Edit: Somewhere, there is a fourteen year old version of me having a joy seizure over this.

Edit 2: I ran out of my ADD meds and was totally spaced out, so instead of taking me a few hours, this recap took me the entire ding-dong day. I also took, like, five accidental naps today. CURSE YOU ARTIFICIALLY CREATED ENERGY I HAVE GROWN USED TO. During that time Hawaii 5-0 was on and WHAT THE WHAT IS THIS SHOW. Okay, to recap, Within the first ten minutes Steve first looks like rough trade by wearing a nearly see-through wifebeater, then he strips and shamelessly objectifies himself (while they cut to Danny VERY CLEARLY OGLING HIM AHAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS) while Kono (who isn't exactly bad-looking) demurely puts on a diving vest to cover up her bikini in the background. And then! After that! Danny calls Steve "babe". As in, he literally turns to Steve and says "There are cleaning people for that, babe" in front of another team member. Between this and all the rampant positive portrayal of minorities, I am now 99% sure this show is all a figment of my imagination. It actually exists in a magical world of rainbows and unicorns and I am thinking about what I want to see and subconsciously projecting it onto my television. I expect Danny and Steve to be making out by the season finale, show.

Also, what is the proper protocol when one is writing a fic that gets disproved by canon? Because I was writing a Steve makes terrible excuses to crash on Danny's couch which leads to sex fic, but now we know Steve's staying in his bullet-riddled house. Honestly, it's Steve, so I should have suspected that, but I stupidly figure that, like most cop shows, Hawaii 5-0 would forget that episodes don't happen in a vacuum. TELL ME WHAT TO DO, OH FRIENDSLIST.

Okay, so I have been warning you guys for a while that I am, uh, how do you say, a giant pretentious douchebag. I am like the most earnest of earnest hipsters. My honest love of things like Wes Anderson movies, indie music, and Chuck Taylors are only made more ironic by the fact that I also love Lady Gaga. My lack of effort put into being a hipster only intensifies my hipsterness! This is a fact I am forced to accept about myself.

So, Alex O'Loughlin, right? He's in Hawaii 5-0 and he's cute, but he isn't like, here are my panties, they are soaking with a combination of water I used to put out the fire you lit in them as well as my lady juices. And I was very comfortable with this fact until I saw this picture:

( What is this I don't even. )

I'm not sure if this makes my life dream of marrying Joseph Gordon-Levitt more feasible because oh my god, wouldn't we be so adorably pretentious together, or if perhaps it should be prevented because can you imagine our children? The poor bastards wouldn't have a chance. They'd come out of the womb wearing vintage t-shirts and quoting Kerouac.

You may begin your mockery, now.